Ok, here's the scenario. I work as charge nurse in a LTC center. Had a resident pass away today at 100+ years old, the resident had been on comfort cares so it was rather expected. Notified the MD, funeral home, & extended family. I asked the family if they would like me to call the Chaplin (part of our protocol being a Catholic based organization) and they stated they did not need me to do that. So I let the funeral home remove the body. The family said that over the weekend, they prayed said their good-byes, had some good closure.
Then at the end of my shift, a very P.O'd Chaplin comes storming through the doors, wondering why no one called him to let him know the resident was actively dying OR when the resident passed away. I told him the family declined Chaplin services when I asked at the T.O.D; and then Chaplin interrupted my explanation and said I should have called anyway so he could at least bless the body before it was removed. The family declined though!! I tried to tell the Chaplin that there was nothing in her chart to indicate I needed to do this, but he was not interested in listening and he turned around and left.
No wonder I stopped going to church. What are the protocols at the nursing homes and hospitals you work at? Does the Chaplin come visit all the deceased whether they want it or not, or only if family and or resident wishes? Is the Chaplin obligated or something to bless a body?
IMO, you did nothing wrong. There have been some posts about what the patient "might" have desired, if there had been pastoral care involved before, etc....but the bottom line is, if the patient could no longer respond (obviously I mean BEFORE the time of death), the decision lies with the family. It's that simple. I think some, no offense, are reading too much in to it. If the patient had not clearly expressed the desire to have pastoral care present, which certainly seems to be the case here or it wouldn't be an argument, it's up to the family. This chaplain was in the wrong for being angry at all, and for taking it out on you.
We see situations all the time where the family makes choices, medically, and while we may not think it's what the patient would want, if it's not been made clear (like with a POA, etc), you have to carry it out. Same thing.
Believe it or not, Activities became irrate when they heard I had both women blessed. It was thier job to have this done and the pt's were both given the sacrament 3 months earlier! They tried to get me written up for overstepping my bounds. Once I explained the family requested the priest, the DON stood up for me. But, now we have to look up a list to see when the priest was there last before we call them.
Dang. Talk about territorial. Rationing spiritual care?
In my opinion, a chaplain shouldnt be there unless he has the heart for it. And if the patient or family didnt want his presence, then their wishes need to be respected and you did the right thing (I would have done the same thing). He shouldnt have treated you like that, not a good example he is setting. Now, if the patient had an ongoing relationship with him, then his presence may have been warranted, but otherwise then he needs to come off his high horse. Please dont let people like THAT turn you away from church. Your relationship with God isnt based on church attendance and Church attendance shouldnt be based on the people within the church itself. God bless
I ticked off a priest who was one of my residents! (Unintentionally of course) He loved joking around with us nurses so one night I told him one of the tending CNA's needed an exorcism because she always told the worst jokes...he became very serious and told me in no uncertain terms should I jest about demonic possession. He totally scared me and I was almost in tears apologizing. Then he patted me on the back and said it was okay but I was never to mention it again.
Whew! I'm probably destined for h*ll now for sure!
remember the "love chapter" (i corinthians 13) that many couples have read at their weddings?
1 corinthians 13:1-13 - love verse
1 corinthians 13:1-13 - love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails.
this should be the overarching principle in any spiritual endeavor. indeed, it's not a bad formula for the way we all treat people every day.
the chaplain didn't apply these concepts in dealing with you, but you can apply them by remembering that he is human and therefore as fallible as anyone else. clergy folks can get as territorial as the rest of us. he may have known the patient and felt bad that he didn't get to minister to him one last time. who knows what was behind his unhappiness.
in such an emotional situation, it's good for everyone involved to be as gracious as possible.
i'm sorry you were put in such a spot. you are fortunate to have a don who stood up for you.
IMO, you did nothing wrong. There have been some posts about what the patient "might" have desired, if there had been pastoral care involved before, etc....but the bottom line is, if the patient could no longer respond (obviously I mean BEFORE the time of death), the decision lies with the family. It's that simple. I think some, no offense, are reading too much in to it. If the patient had not clearly expressed the desire to have pastoral care present, which certainly seems to be the case here or it wouldn't be an argument, it's up to the family. This chaplain was in the wrong for being angry at all, and for taking it out on you.
We see situations all the time where the family makes choices, medically, and while we may not think it's what the patient would want, if it's not been made clear (like with a POA, etc), you have to carry it out. Same thing.
And look - if this was a pt who was clearly progressing thru end stages and there was time to address and plan for final wishes, you can bet that if religious rites were of priority importance to the patient, those wishes would've been made clear and documented. Hate to be overly simplistic, but I don't think there's much room for vagueness here.
If Father Dingbat comes up and starts trying to get into it with you again, tell him "Mrs. X was my patient, NOT YOU."
I had a problem about 2 months back, pt was in a bad way, dying from CHF/COPD, we couldn't get any IV access, so no fluids / TPN -- I mean, the patient was what I call "coolin' and poolin'" -- the legs were getting cold, the blood was beginning to settle in the buttocks, etc. Thank GOD the family didn't want anything but comfort measures, because it would have been completely futile.
In comes a family member's preacher -- we've got chaplains, but it's not uncommon for individual family member's pastors to come and offer comfort. Usually they are unfailingly kind and helpful to the pt/family.
Except for Preacher X.
He comes in to pray with the family (pastor for one of the granddaughters), while I'm turning the pt, trying to keep her comfortable -- she was aware we were there, but no longer verbal. He demanded to know when she'd been fed last, and starts trying to get a cup to fill with water. More worried that he's going to give my pt something to drink and choke her to death, I quietly tell him she can no longer swallow, and we're just keeping her comfortable.
Preacher X goes off. He accused me AND THE FAMILY of starving the person to death, with the pt still at least semi-conscious and the family in the room! He starts yelling that I'm a murderer, that the family's killing their matriarch, etc. The family comes apart, crying, my pt starts acting distressed, and I hit the button and told the US I needed my charge NOW. I didn't lay a hand on him, but I got about 2 inches off his nose and told him if he didn't leave the room I'd have security remove him, and I would be filing a complaint with whoever his superior was. He told me his only superior "is God" and he continues to yell we're committing euthanasia, and proceeds to tell us we're all going to hell. I hit the button again as the charge came thru the door and told the US to call for security.
He got ejected from the hospital, and I had to spend a solid hour calming the family and the pt back down (and myself). I think that's about as close as I've come to hitting a person in anger since childhood.
cherrybreeze, ADN, RN
1,405 Posts
IMO, you did nothing wrong. There have been some posts about what the patient "might" have desired, if there had been pastoral care involved before, etc....but the bottom line is, if the patient could no longer respond (obviously I mean BEFORE the time of death), the decision lies with the family. It's that simple. I think some, no offense, are reading too much in to it. If the patient had not clearly expressed the desire to have pastoral care present, which certainly seems to be the case here or it wouldn't be an argument, it's up to the family. This chaplain was in the wrong for being angry at all, and for taking it out on you.
We see situations all the time where the family makes choices, medically, and while we may not think it's what the patient would want, if it's not been made clear (like with a POA, etc), you have to carry it out. Same thing.