I really like the Reader's Digest new monthly article. 13 things_____ won't tell you. This month it was teachers. So here are some I would like to see listed for nursing:
I really resent when you call and say you need a nurse immediately and when I get to the room you tell me you need a drink of water with a lot of ice. That is NOT something you need immediately and not something you need a nurse to do for you. Next time I won't hurry.
Standing at the desk staring at me isn't going to get me moving any faster, I am on the phone with the doctor getting orders. Glaring doesn't help either.
I understand you just had surgery, part of your recovery process is getting up and walking, so get up and walk.
Your doctor is an #@$hole, he will kill you sooner or later. Please don't sit there and say to me "well, my doctor says..."
Your family is crazy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
If you hit me, I will prosecute. I am not your punching bag.
You break my heart. You have been sick for so many years and yet you still smile when I walk into the room. AND manage to make me smile.
I love my work, but it is my work. My life is outside this place with people I love.
Please don't talk to me like I am stupid or deaf. I have a four year college degree and great hearing.
Use your call bell and your inside voice. Screaming nurse, nurse, nurse and banging your cup on the tray table will have people thinking your crazy and they will just ignore you.
When you come in acting like an idiot, your not advocating for your mom. The second you leave every nurse on the floor will avoid that room because they don't want to do a thing to tick you off.
That hug you gave me meant the world to me. The thank you for your great care? Made my day. Yes, I will be back tomarrow and one way or another you will be my patient.
Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work.
Just for a second, Ruby, I though that last sentence was the patient climbing out of his bed to suction out his roommate's trache, which is a whole new world of what the...!
OT and funny, I was doing rounds one morning and couldnt find Mrs. M and when I went to the next bed I found Mrs. M spooning with Mrs. G as Mrs. M's bed was wet hahaha they were both quite elderly and demented soo cute!!
I had that happen once, except only one of the patients was incontinent and demented, which I only realised when I had patient #1 four fifths of the way back to her bed. Hang on, why is patient #2, who's young and with it, sleeping through having an elderly, wet woman climb into bed with her?
Answer: because she's unconscious with a BSL of 1.2mmol/L (21.6mg/dl).
Doctor, I know you came to this country because there are more opportunities here than in your own third-world, civil war torn homeland. I really do understand. But if you are going to come here to take advantage of those opportunities, don't you think you could at least do us the courtesy of trying to
LEARN THE EFFING LANGUANGE?
Haha, I had a doctor with a horribly heavy accent reprimand me because I kept making him repeat the patients med orders (which I could not understand) over the telephone. He said, (in a heavy accent), "You should get your ears cleaned out!"
Of course, I didn't tell him he should just learn the language. BUT I SURE THOUGHT IT!
1) Stop calling me "the male nurse." That is not my job title.
On that note, stop asking me if I have always wanted to be a "male nurse." Some day I'm gonna say "No, actually at one point I wanted to be a female nurse, but the surgery plus the tuition was too expensive, so I settled for being a male nurse."
2) Yes, I am a student nurse. No, that does not mean that I am stupid. I will NOT give you food if you are NPO. It also does NOT mean that you do not really need to wear the Venodyne boots when I tell you to. If you don't, don't blame me when you develop DVTs.
Also, keep in mind that as a student nurse, I only have one or two patients, so I am going to watch you like a hawk compared to the hospital staff nurse, who has six patients and really does not have the time to babysit your whiny hiney like I'm going to. My instructor's watching me and she WILL make me make you do everything you're supposed to.
3) You cannot have two Percocet every hour. Respiratory depression is bad enough, not to even mention acetaminophen toxicity. I know of one good treatment for that, but have you ever SMELLED Mucomyst???
4) Don't refuse your Colace every time I offer it then complain that you've been on and off the bedpan for an hour with no success. Didn't I warn you this might happen? For cryin' out loud, you've been taking three different narcotics!
5) Doctors, don't take up a half hour of my time "educating" me about how YOU like nurses to do their jobs. See that lady over there in the labcoat glaring at you? She's my instructor, and right now you're doing HER job. You really ought to go do yours somewhere and let her get on with hers.
6) Families of elderly patients, where were you when your mom fell trying to reach something on a high shelf? Where were you when she couldn't get to the pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions because there was snow on the ground and she was afraid of driving? Where were you when she couldn't afford her heating bill for two months because of the medical bills? And now that she's in the hospital you come swooping in here, yelling at me that she needs her pain medication, she needs a bed bath, yadda yadda. You know what? I'll do all of that and more for your mom, but only because when I do something for her she smiles at me and says "thank you so much sweetheart." She might actually have something to thank you for if you had been there when she needed you.
7) To all my maternity patients: thank you for being so wonderful. As the only guy in my maternity clinical group I was as nervous as hell about doing your postpartum checks, looking at your nipples and asking you very personal questions about your lady partsl discharge. Thank you for being totally cool with it and making it so much easier for me.
8) Staff nurses: 99% of you are absolutely wonderful to us students, and I couldn't be more grateful. But to those one or two who roll your eyes when I ask you questions and ignore me when I need something, I can't believe you have the audacity to ask me to help you reposition a patient or clean up a "Code Brown." I'll do it, because my instructor's watching, but the CNAs on the floor are actually getting paid to deal with your rotten attitude - from now on, go ask them to help you.
9) To the pervy guys who ask me to get one of my female classmates to hold your willie while you use the urinal - do you think I'm stupid? I just watched you lean across the bed and over the tray table to grab the remote - you can handle Junior perfectly well on your own. Here's the urinal, now shut up and use it. And don't bother complaining to the "real nurse" that I'm a "mean son of a b****" - she doesn't like you, either.
10) To the ER nurses - you are my idols. I learned more from watching you for eight hours than I think I ever learned in class. I wanna be you if I grow up.
11) No, we don't serve alcohol here. Suck on some alcohol prep wipes if you need a fix.
12) Your oral ED med doesn't work for you? And you think that we care about that in the HOSPITAL? Let's put it this way buddy - you could be on Caverject.
13) No, I cannot magically make the doctor drop what he's doing and rush to your bedside. If you don't like it, do like Michael Jackson and hire your own personal doctor.
stop asking me if I have always wanted to be a "male nurse." Some day I'm gonna say "No, actually at one point I wanted to be a female nurse, but the surgery plus the tuition was too expensive, so I settled for being a male nurse."
Awesome - I think you should consider saying it :)
1) Stop calling me "the male nurse." That is not my job title.
On that note, stop asking me if I have always wanted to be a "male nurse." Some day I'm gonna say "No, actually at one point I wanted to be a female nurse, but the surgery plus the tuition was too expensive, so I settled for being a male nurse
You talking about your OB rotation made me remember this. True story. First time I had to cath a male outside the sim lab was an emergency. I'd done 5 or 6 female caths, but this was the first male, and of course, my preceptor says, "go get the kit and do it now." (Possible autonomic dysreflexia)
Guy is a complete horse's rear. I get the kit, toss back the sheets, and slammed my mouth shut on the "where is it?" that I wanted to say. So I'm trying to thread the catheter while holding the "little soldier" with 2 fingers, and guy says, "what, you never had your hands on a guy's d*** before?"
My mouth fired before my brain engaged, and I said, "Yes I have sir, but his wife's never been standing at the end of the bed before." The wife fell out laughing, my preceptor left the room and roared with laughter in the hall, and Mr. Underwhelming didn't say another word.
"My mouth fired before my brain engaged, and I said, "Yes I have sir, but his wife's never been standing at the end of the bed before." The wife fell out laughing, my preceptor left the room and roared with laughter in the hall, and Mr. Underwhelming didn't say another word. "
LOL... That was exactly what I was thinking while I was reading that. I think more patients need a good dose of honesty once in a while... LOL
1. Someone once invented a wonderful thing - the wastebasket. Use it instead of just throwing garbage over the floor.
2. If you sleep during breakfast, tell me you'll eat later, wake up, eat, and THEN call me to scream into my face that the food was cold, I'll have no choice but to think you're an idiot.
3. You are 25 years old and ambulatory, yet expect me to clean the toilet seat you smeared with your own poop. Here are some bleach wipes - clean it yourself, you lazy brat. Next time poop carefully.
4. If you have trouble passing gas, I'll massage your belly, help into a position to relieve you, get the nurse to give you some meds. If you finally pass gas, I'll jump for joy and clap with you. If you pass gas by accident, it's OK, I'm human, I pass gas too :) But if we are chatting and you suddenly lift up your butt and fart loudly, that's plain rude.
talaxandra
3,037 Posts
Just for a second, Ruby, I though that last sentence was the patient climbing out of his bed to suction out his roommate's trache, which is a whole new world of what the...!