I really like the Reader's Digest new monthly article. 13 things_____ won't tell you. This month it was teachers. So here are some I would like to see listed for nursing:
I really resent when you call and say you need a nurse immediately and when I get to the room you tell me you need a drink of water with a lot of ice. That is NOT something you need immediately and not something you need a nurse to do for you. Next time I won't hurry.
Standing at the desk staring at me isn't going to get me moving any faster, I am on the phone with the doctor getting orders. Glaring doesn't help either.
I understand you just had surgery, part of your recovery process is getting up and walking, so get up and walk.
Your doctor is an #@$hole, he will kill you sooner or later. Please don't sit there and say to me "well, my doctor says..."
Your family is crazy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
If you hit me, I will prosecute. I am not your punching bag.
You break my heart. You have been sick for so many years and yet you still smile when I walk into the room. AND manage to make me smile.
I love my work, but it is my work. My life is outside this place with people I love.
Please don't talk to me like I am stupid or deaf. I have a four year college degree and great hearing.
Use your call bell and your inside voice. Screaming nurse, nurse, nurse and banging your cup on the tray table will have people thinking your crazy and they will just ignore you.
When you come in acting like an idiot, your not advocating for your mom. The second you leave every nurse on the floor will avoid that room because they don't want to do a thing to tick you off.
That hug you gave me meant the world to me. The thank you for your great care? Made my day. Yes, I will be back tomarrow and one way or another you will be my patient.
Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work.
You sound like a virgin, smiling. as you are walking to the edge of the volcano to be sacrificed! Walk one mile in our shoes before you offer to take anything off our hands. You have to earn that right. Book smarts won't do it. ( This is in response to the 55yo. new grad who is unable to find an entry level job and graduated in the top 5th of her class. Comment starts with "sounds like heaven to me" sorry I can't remember the name.)
Ok, I am going to give the 13 things I won't say (and I wouldn't want to, being a professional).
1. That is the worst thing I have smelled in my life.
2. Your doctor doesn't give a damn today, and its not likely he'll start tomorrow.
3. Your doctor does round every day, but rounding doesn't mean he sees you, even though you pay for him to.
4. I know more than your doctor sometimes.
5. Your PCA didn't bring you any ice because she is sleeping on the job, and won't get fired because we are short staffed.
6. I could give you more IV pain medicine, but I'm not telling you that you can actually have 4mg of Morphine because 2mg is good enough and really Percocet is good enough, you just want to be stoned.
7. Even though the hospital told you they won't replace your lost dentures/glasses, they will if you scream loud enough.
8. Even though I've told you the hospital won't pay for your loved one to get a tray, if you scream loud enough they will.
9. Even though it shouldn't be this way, you can pretty much dictate everything that happens to you right down to your room assignment if you act just the right way (i.e. crazy spoiled).
10. I don't really care more about you than my other patients, I'm just staying in your room to do my million pages of charting because I got in report that you think no cares about you here.
11. I forgot to request the replacement dose from pharmacy, its not that it hasn't come up yet.
12. I don't think you need to be in the hospital at all.
13. I would not ever tell you anything that might make you think that I don't care deeply about your well being, even if i really don't care (unless you are abusive-then all bets are off).
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
So you're suicidal again? And it's another week until your welfare check comes in? Interesting coincidence.
I love it when people who would otherwise be sleeping on the sidewalk and eating out of a dumpster complain about the beds and the food.
Do not have your family call the doctor and then hand me the phone to try to get me to bow down to them (I had this happen once - the doctor told me to apologize to the family even though our staff had done nothing wrong, and I refused).
The mental health unit is not a homeless shelter. You aren't suddenly hearing voices because the Salvation Army shelter is full and it's cold outside.
It's very convincing when I see you chatting, laughing and smiling with other patients and then you come to the desk asking for an Ativan because you're so anxious, or pain medication because you're in such agony.
Your smoke break does not take priority over physician rounds. (This doesn't apply so much anymore, fortunately).
Most days I really do love my job and my patients. That said, here are some things I think but won't tell my patients and their families:
-Your child acts the way they do because of your parenting. No amount of medication is ever going to change that.
-Yes, you are capable of changing your child's diaper, even if they have an IV in their hand.
-Your pediatrician is so dangerous that I'm amazed he/she still has a license to practice. Yes, I know they speak spanish in the office, and that is why you go there. But your pediatrician has made so many medical errors that he/she is no longer allowed to practice in this hospital, and that is why your child is being cared for by the pediatric hospitalist in house.
-I am actually the reason your child is poked as few times as they are. If it were up to your doctor or the intensivist, they would remember a new lab they want to draw on your child every 5 minutes.
-If you're not going to sit there and play with your child and entertain him and keep him from getting twisted in his IV tubing, don't be surprised when he pulls that IV out. And then don't be mad at us when we have to poke him again to get another IV started. Healthy children move- it's a little known fact of life.
-Stop telling your 8-year old child to watch what they eat. YOU need to watch what they eat, not them. It's not their fault they are overweight. I'm tired of making referrals for a nutritional consult because your 6/7/8-year old child weighs more than I do.
-Yes I know I look young. That's because I take excellent care of myself, stay out of the sun, and don't smoke. You should try it. Yes I am old enough to care for your child, and have been a nurse for many years.
-Your baby calms down when he/she is talked to. Who would've guessed??? You should try it sometime!
-Yes, I can tell that your child is on medicaid by the combination of asthma medications that he/she came in on. No, medicaid will not cover the medications needed to treat your child's severe asthma. Yes, I know it doesn't make sense.
-I don't care if your child doesn't want to take their medication some days. It's not their choice, it's yours. Also, don't yell at your child for not taking his/her asthma controller medications. It's YOUR responsibility to make sure they take their medications- you are the parent.
-You brought your baby around family members who are sick with colds/flu/etc. What did you think would happen? No, you should not let sick people around your newborn or preemie baby- duh! Yes, you should make everyone who comes near your baby wash their hands-duh!
-I don't care if your child tells you they are well enough to go to school, or that they don't want to go to the emergency room. If they are honest about how they feel, they won't be allowed to play with their friends and do the things they enjoy, and they will have to take gross-tasting medicine. You are the parent. If you can see they are having trouble breathing, you need to take them to the emergency room. It's your choice, not theirs.
-Yes, you can stay the night here in the hospital with your child. In fact we encourage that, and this couch folds out into a bed just for you, and we will give you free meals so you can stay. No, your 5 other children cannot stay the night. No, we will not give free meals to your 5 other children, or to the rest of your extended family who has come to stay.
-I'm not bugging your child every couple of hours throughout the night for my own enjoyment. If they were well enough that they could be left alone for the night, they wouldn't be here. (Okay, I've said this one once or twice).
-Yes, bringing in Grandma's home-made cookies for the staff really DOES go a long way. Your grandma's cookie is the only thing I've had time to eat in the last twelve hours. The staff might just love on your family a little more because you brought those cookies.
And last but not least... when you say thank you or remember my name, it touches my heart, and some days, that is what keeps me going. It means the world to me. Please remember to mention the great care I gave you in surveys or when my manager checks in to see how your stay is going... unfortunately, hospitals are extremely driven by letters and public displays of appreciation, and these can make or break a raise or promotion for staff.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Your doctor is an #@$hole, he will kill you sooner or later. quote]Oh yeah!!! I renamed mine just before firing him. I won't mention his real name but I will mention the name I gave him. It is Dr Fester. He became a real fester in my side, and did manage to nearly kill me by taking his beloved shortcuts.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
1. You are fat and disgusting. You are only 60 years old, but you live in a nursing home because you weigh 400 pounds. You can't move because you are fat and lazy. You can't feel your feet because your HgbA1C is 12. And you moan when we try to move you, "because of the pain". Your hygiene is awful. And you brought all this on yourself.
Sounds like heaven to me! I went back to school and graduated from an accelerated nursing program in the top 5th of the entire class that included all RN programs at the age of 55. Excellent evaluations, grades, etc. and not an entry level job to be found. Those 13 things....I'll take them all off your hands and enjoy every minute!!!!!!
Please dont ask me a question and when I,m trying to explain it to you , you keep interupting me, do you really want to hear me or impress the people around you by your "intelligent questions"??
1. Don't just sit there and watch TV while your dad repeatedly attempts to get out of bed and pull his IV/foley/NG tube out. You don't want us to put him in restraints but yet you sit there with your thumb up your butt.
2. Don't cry and moan to me that you are in so much pain and then sit up and start chatting away while I flush your IV. I haven't pushed the dilaudid yet you idiot.
3. You are still driving? Thank God I live 2 counties over from you. Sheesh where are your children and why do you still have access to car keys? (This would be to an 85 year old lady with advanced dementia that can barely walk)
4. You've had your colostomy for 30 years so why is it that when you come into the hospital you can't empty it anymore?
5. The next time you walk out into the hall and take a crap in the floor I swear to God I will and can make you miserable everyday until the doctor gets sick of your crap and discharges you. And if you go outside again to take a hit from who knows what you get off the street your room will be cleaned and your belongings will be thrown in the trash. You are disgusting and no you can't crap in the trashcan either. There is a toilet in your room so use it.
6. You have herpes, genital warts, HIV, Hepatitis C and your don't want to sit on our toilet because you are afraid you will catch something? wow
7. If you are stupid enough to break your own arm to get IV pain meds and stupid enough to refuse xrays then don't scream and threaten to sue when you get discharged. You can stop trying to break into the sharps container now, security is here to escort you out.
You would be surprised that at times I feel worse physically than you.
I just walked out of a room where my patient is vomiting after a liver embolization for a rare form of cancer, please don't be offended if I don't get excited over your headache from the nitropaste.
If you don't believe I am good enough to touch you because of your religious beliefs, then get the heck out of my way!!
Listen, I can't talk anymore, I HAVE to go see my other patients!
DO NOT WHINE AT ME!
Don't tell me you need a priest, not a chaplain because of your devout Catholic beliefs as you sip Coke with alcohol wipes in it.
Nice one----but Catholics can drink alcohol and have caffinated beverages ----Its the Adventists who can't. I work at an Adventist hospital - excellant facility, extremely rude staff......Good ol' Protestant's gotta love the contridictions. Just my observation - i know i will get flamed for that, lol.
:bugeyes:
:lol2:
fridayannelpn1974
40 Posts
You sound like a virgin, smiling. as you are walking to the edge of the volcano to be sacrificed! Walk one mile in our shoes before you offer to take anything off our hands. You have to earn that right. Book smarts won't do it. ( This is in response to the 55yo. new grad who is unable to find an entry level job and graduated in the top 5th of her class. Comment starts with "sounds like heaven to me" sorry I can't remember the name.)