Things you'd LOVE to tell coworkers...and get away with it!

[General E. Speaking, RN]

Please don't label this thread "negative". It is meant to be fun.

Your scrubs are ugly.

I don't think you are "cute" when you get all googley-eyed and giggly around the young docs. I think it makes nurses look bad.

I cannot BELIEVE you were nominated for A Daisy Award! Did you nominate yourself?

It's called deodorant, use it.

Do your own assessment and stop badgering me for every single detail during report.

I swear I am going to put Ex Lax all over my lunch so the next time someone calls out for the runs, I will know it is you who keeps stealing my food!

Yes, my stethoscope is nice and it was expensive. Buy your own.

No time to help me turn my patient, huh? Yet, every time you need help, I have been there for you.

Your situational awareness sucks. While you are browsing the latest deals on the internet, I am drowning. Look around and help out your coworkers.

I'm happy you look rested and ready for your shift. Next time get here 15 minutes earlier so I can leave on time and be rested and ready for you.

No, you don't ALWAYS get the crappy assignment. I don't think you'd be happy with ANY assignment.

If you're sooooo sick of this place- leave.

[nursecat64]

I love your avatar pic!! I started slapping at the screen trying to get the bug off!!

[MEDSURGPEDRN]

First of all, I'm not perfect, and I'd never say these things, except maybe to one person, who would agree wholeheartedly.

Venting is one thing. Whining is quite another. Stop it.

You say you're leaving this horrid place... when will this be happening? I'd like to plan a party.

Why did you document this person's freckles?

Every freakin' skin tear does NOT need the super expensive bandage on it... A bandaid would suffice.

Don't sigh and say "I guess I get to do that".. I realize I didn't restart this saline locked IV and it's due to be changed today... I had someone who decided to not breath and it slipped my mind.

Yes, I love it when I work with a certain group of girls. Yes, I actually DO try to schedule myself when they are working. Why? Well because when we work together, no matter how horrible the night is going, I know they're there for me, and they know I'm there for them. We manage to laugh, have fun, and get the job done, and in the end it doesn't seem so horrible. If you'd have been here, it would've been miserable.

Why do you make 50 trips down the hall? Do it all at once. There's no need to go wake the patient up for education at 2 am... do it at 6 when you give them their morning meds. Yes, I know I'm full of good ideas. I call it common sense, actually.

Yes, I am done with my med pass. I offered to help you and you said no. So, I will be eating a snack now.

Nurses do not "sit at the desk doing nothing all night"... We are doing paperwork in between running. If I can sit and chart, I'm going to do it.

Here's report, here's your med cart, I organized it, stocked it, and got rid of all the unnecessary stuff. Please return it in the condition it was received.

Do not call out from a room asking for a full set of bath supplies. Go get it yourself.

Do not call me and ask me to bring you 2 units of insulin. I will pretend I couldn't hear you and hang up.

STOP calling me to tell me the persons BP is 142/70. It was 141/72 the last time. And 144/68 the time before that.

Hear that tele monitor beeping? LOOK AT IT! Oh now it's beeping high alert... oopsies, vtach.

Hi Dr. X, I realize you do not like being woken up from a restful sleep for a panic lab, but policy dictates I must call you. If you give me orders I'll write them, if you tell me not to call you with another panic lab I will ask if I should write that order too.

The patient is fighting me, spiting her pills at me, kicking me, screaming, I need something to calm her down. PO xanax is NOT going to cut it. I want something IV or IM. Something good.

If I come in and everyone's sitting at the desk yapping and laughing and having a good 'ol time talking about how good of a day it was, don't give me report and tell me a patient needs 2 units of blood. And don't tell me it's not ready yet... I saw the order was written at 1pm and it's now 7pm.

NO, I cannot take report on the transfer right now... I'm trying to pull a foley out of a screaming woman who is trying to kick me... Yes I realize you have other things to do.. I'm about to get kicked in the head by this superman strong 92 year old and then I REALLY won't be taking report... Give me your number and I swear I will call you in 2 minutes.

"I figured I'd give you the admission because I knew you wouldn't complain"... Gee. Thanks. My second one (really third because the previous shift left one) and the other nurses have gotten none.

Just things off the top of my head.

Sounds like I should hate my job....But I love a good challenge.

[exit96]

1-Did I say that your kids matter to me?

1a- Why don't you tell me about an elder in your family and what they have done...give them some honor and let your selfish child eat AFTER the adults.

2-So your (10 yr old, 16 yr old) has a smartphone fully paid for by his parents and doesn't do anything as far as working in any way to earn this. Great! Don't talk to me about that ever again, because that is totally asinine!!

3- So you don't want to deal with the patient down the hall again because he/she is too demanding(insert excuse here___) but your kids can do whatever and pester you and leach off of society and they are somehow "wonderful" people...gag!!

Ok, nursing school didn't teach this, but your parents should have-will you please notice how I jump in and help you out WITHOUT even being asked, can you get your head out of your a** and please reciprocate??? No I didn't do it to "earn" something in return, but I notice that you are sitting on your behind again on your phone, looking at pics of the kids, eating for the 6th time this shift etc...

[silverbat]

NO. I do not have poor time management skills.. I have been so busy this shift that I did NOT have time to take a lunch break!! AND, I don't understand how you got anything done when you took a lunch break and then also took a smoke break every hour to hour and a half. I don't care that you smoke, but seriously, how can you leave the floor so often and get anything done... oh right... duh.... the ones of us still on the floor took care of your work while you were gone.. So DON"T criticize my time management, I did my work, myself AND part of yours. disclaimer.... I don't mind that she smokes, but if I have to do what you can't because you are gone 15 minutes minimum every 1-1/2 hours, i do get a bit torqued.

I don't know about you, but I am here to take care of patients, not look like a beauty queen, or something. Yes, I wear understated , natural appearing makeup that I know I will probably sweat off. I don't think you need to reappy it with a palette knife every couple of hours. AND your perfume... gag gag wheeze. If it bothers me, how about your COPD, asthma and pneumonia pts????

I have to say, fellow GN, that I appreciate that you were an EMT(corpsman, paramedic, Medical assistant, Certified med tech. massage therapist) in another life, but this is med/surg... NOT trauma. Lets take care of what we have in front of us and worry about the other stuff off duty. AND respect my knowledge as an RN for 12 years on MED/surg, I have never done some of the stuff you have, but I have done this for along time and I have learned a thing or two that I would like to teach you so you will be successsful.

goodness.. enuff for now......

[graceomalleyRN, RN]

To my CNAs:

I'm getting ready to hang blood on Patient A. Patient B has a bed full of poop and needs to have a bed change. Sorry to drag you away from Facebook or YouTube. Please don't argue with me, roll your eyes or pout. It's unbecoming. This is your job and you're being paid.

[nguyency77, CNA]

To some of the nurses I work with:

Why did you even bother going through nursing school if all you're going to do is take a two and a half hour lunch... at 9 in the morning?!

As an 'uneducated, poorly trained, CNA,' even I know that tuberculin SKIN tests are NOT administered with the needle at a 90 degree angle. Scary experience as a new hire.

Did you not hear me? This guy's poop just smells like CDIF, no big deal.

To most of my fellow CNAs:

Thank you so much for always taking the time out of your day to help me out.

To the select few:

When you go on lunch, I answer your lights. I expect the same when I go on MY lunch. Ever heard of teamwork?

[nelcoy4]

I truly don't care about your kids.

How can you do any work when you are either on your cell phone or the work line taking personal calls?

To the externs if you see that I did something different then then you was taught in nursing school, think of a clever way to stop me without letting the pt know or tell me after the patient is within earshot. The best way to stop me is to ask "why did you do such/such that way?" or "we just learned that in school can I do such/such with you".

Unless I'm late, don't give me report as soon as I walk on the unit, coat still on, and I haven't even looked to see who I have.

Just because a patient has been on the unit for awhile, don't assume I have had him/her before. Then get mad because you have to really give me report and not just say "he/she had a good day."

To the charge nurse: Don't give me 6 elderly pee obsessed female pts with a male CNA. Knowing that those ladies are going to always ask for me personally when they have to go to the bathroom. Then at the end of the shift they are going to say they don't feel comfortable with a male CNA. I'm running all shift while the CNA is sitting or hiding and I'm running like a chicken with her head cut off.

To the charge nurse again. Yes I work well with challeging and needy pts, but sometimes I need a break.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

When you refer to the cna's on the unit as "my cna's" many find it demeaning.No-they do not belong to you-they work WITH you and they are part of the team.They have the same goal you do and that is to provide the best care possible to the residents/pts.They are well trained and are your eyes and ears so treat them with the respect they deserve. However if you are working with a dud who hides and spends most of the shift texting or sufring the net then it is your duty to make sure your facilities disciplnary process is initiated and you must also make sure to follow through-the residents/pts you are ultimatly responsible for deserve nothing less.

[poop24/7]

Dear colleague,

Please don't come into my room to "assist" me with an intubation & line placement while the entire time you flirt with the doctor. Then, when I really need you, you spend time b.s.'ing on your phone texting & socializing. Next thing you know, you claim to be busy too & can't help me. Next, to the charge nurse, I find it frustrating when you & everyone else has had a lunch break or even a **** break, for that matter. Then, can't understand why I haven't. Maybe it was the very busy pt. I had that no one bothered to help me with (or even know I was receiving~awesome report btw), even after repeated attempts to get help?? So much for f'ing teamwork. To the asst. director who claims to be part of our team. When we're so short staffed & continually getting ER admissions, Code Blues or RRT's, instead of watching us drown & asking us how you can help...let's see, you're wearing scrubs & tennis shoes with 20+yrs. of ICU experience...get your ass on this busy floor & take at least one patient until help arrives. Leader rounding and asking patients & their families how their stay has been is enraging! Can't figure out why your patient satisfaction scores are down the toilet? Morale sucks & your "team" is tired, jaded, frustrated & ******. To my "team players" when you answer a call light with my patient stating they need X, Y, Z... don't come into my room when you clearly see I'm knee deep in s*** & say my patient needs me...or, "I think your climbing OOB, confused, or combative pt. needs Haldol, Ativan, etc." REALLY?! Help me!! Give it to them as I already told you it's on the MAR, don't just tell me what I should be doing! As you can obviously see, I'm extremely busy! On a side note to family members~when you know your loved ones blood sugar is over 400 and is obtunded, etc. Don't ask me to get a pillow & warm blanket then act appalled when I tell you that hanging the insulin drip I sent for STAT along with 50 other MD orders, are my priority~I'll get the above requested items when I have a spare moment. Oh, & to the joke of a director we have~please stop telling us you're here to help when you've clearly proven that you're nothing more than another administrative bobble head blowing smoke up our ass.

Ahhh, I feel better for the time being. Thanks for listening:thankya:

[Lovely_RN, MSN]

I wish I could say this to the snotty nurse with one entire year of experience that I gave report to this morning.

Please spare me your clucks of disapproval/ approval and especially your comments during report. Your opinion and 50cents aren't even enough for a cup of coffee. When I want your opinion I'll let you know. No I'm not giving you report in front of the computer and you can interupt all you want but I'm going to keep talking and when I'm done I'm leaving. Nursing is a relay race...not the 400M dash. Sometimes the baton is passed smoothly and sometimes it gets fumbled or even dropped. You can be mad if you want to be mad but I'm not staying late and working for free unless there is a code. So you deal with what you get the same way I have to deal with whatever messes I get left with from time to time.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

Whenever a CNA gives me vitals with a resident's respirations are "17" I always want to ask if they actually counted for a full minute or if they're just really bad at math.

[silverbat]

brandonLpn.. while I understand what you are saying, I am indignant at this remark. As a CNA I was taught to ALWAYS take resps for 1 minute. I didn't know I it was accepted to shortcut that until I was in LPN school. JMO