Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

[AngelfireRN]

Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

[squeakykitty]

To the pervert who keeps 'showing off'-----

1. The world doesn't revolve around your member.

2. Life is not a Media movie.

3. It's not that impressive anyway.

4. We're not going to swoon at the sight of it, but we may fall down laughing.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

to the pervert who keeps 'showing off'-----

1. the world doesn't revolve around your member.

2. life is not a Media movie.

3. it's not that impressive anyway.

4. we're not going to swoon at the sight of it, but we may fall down laughing.

while i'd never say this to an actual patient, i did say it to a flasher in the park:

"you're proud of that? it's the smallest one i've ever seen on a grown man!" he slunk away, pulling his clothing together as he went.

[firstyearstudent]

I must say this.... when my little boy (who is 4 and has leukemia) was hospitalized my husband asked for the bedside commode. My little man went poo and my husband asked for the call bell to tell the nurse to empty it. :angryfire I schooled him on that real quick. "Why would you have the nurse empty that when you have perfectly capable hands?" She appreciated that and me sooo much. It just goes to show that even though others intentions may not be bad, they think a hospital is equivalent to a hotel... live and learn and he did that night.

I work on a hematology ward and, if a pt. has diarrhea, we don't want family dumping the commode pan. We have to measure the stool to include in the I/O and also know how bad the diarrhea is.

[tdern]

NO, mama is NOT getting better, she's going to go to the light. Do you hear that coughing and sputtering every time you shove something in her mouth? It's going in her lungs, that's why she can't breathe, that and the terminal lung cancer with mets! Oh, and yeah, I REALLY think she needs to be a full code because compressing an 89 pound, 90 year old chest is going to be such a success.

[firstyearstudent]

I saw an interview on CNN with such a family. It was a husband and wife, no kids, who did in-home day care - that was all they did - and were going to lose their $400,000 McMansion. When I heard about the day care, I thought at first that maybe they owned a chain, but no, that was their sole source of income. When they were interviewed, it was obvious that both were mildly mentally retarded.

How do the slime who exploit people like this get through the day?

I know people who are very irresponsible with their money, and I have learned the hard way that telling people that their financial problems are their own fault usually goes over about as well as telling them that the problems they're having with their children are their own fault. As Twinkerrs knows, that isn't always the case, but usually it is.

My before-taxes income has slipped over the 6-figure mark and I drive an 8-year-old car with 100,000 miles on it. Some people ask me why, and I just tell them it's none of their business, but the fact is, it still runs so why should I replace it? Granted, I spent 2 hours in the shop this morning and have to come back, but hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix or replace it. JMHO.

Twinkerrs, most people can tell the difference between an undisciplined child and a child who really does have issues. You can usually tell by the way the parents react. If they don't think the behavior is funny or cute, it's the child's wiring. JMHO.

A $400,000 McMansion? Where did they live, Idaho? I live in L.A. and our hovel, well over $400,000 is less than 1,000 square feet, has one and half bedrooms, decrepit plumping and wiring dating from the '20s, one bathroom and a miniscule kitchen with no modern appliances. Plus it is in smack in the middle of gangland with schools so bad we have to drive your kids to a charter school in another school district! And plenty of folks who run in-home daycare around here make more than my salary and my husband's put together.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

A $400,000 McMansion? Where did they live, Idaho? I live in L.A. and our hovel, well over $400,000 is less than 1,000 square feet, has one and half bedrooms, decrepit plumping and wiring dating from the '20s, one bathroom and a miniscule kitchen with no modern appliances. Plus it is in smack in the middle of gangland with schools so bad we have to drive your kids to a charter school in another school district! And plenty of folks who run in-home daycare around here make more than my salary and my husband's put together.

They're not living in Cali. Where I live that price would buy you a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood.

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

You've had 3 loose stools in the last 6 hours. Two of them were large. WHY ON EARTH do you think you need a suppository? Oh that's right, because you had milk of mag, which gave you "a sour belch" and so now you need a supp. Yeah, uh-huh, that makes perfect sense. Remember last week when you were so upset about your BM not being large enough that you cried for an hour and made yourself throw up? Yeah that made perfect sense too.

[twistedpupchaser]

Great performance mate, nearly believable. Could you hold the next act until this other Pt stops actively trying to die so I can get all the staff here to critique your performance?

So wanted to say that last night to the 6foot 4, fairy princess....

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

I love this thread, I could add something new everyday. lol

"Your DAD is not the only male patient we have here, so if you could stop being rude to me when I don't know who your DAD is when you call,, that would be nice.... also,, I have other things to do than to sit on the phone with you for 30 minutes talking about how your DAD had the wrong kind of blanket on top of him. We only have one kind of blanket here, leave me alone, I have a thousand things to do and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM is more important than talking to you"

[rph3664]

A $400,000 McMansion? Where did they live, Idaho? I live in L.A. and our hovel, well over $400,000 is less than 1,000 square feet, has one and half bedrooms, decrepit plumping and wiring dating from the '20s, one bathroom and a miniscule kitchen with no modern appliances. Plus it is in smack in the middle of gangland with schools so bad we have to drive your kids to a charter school in another school district! And plenty of folks who run in-home daycare around here make more than my salary and my husband's put together.

I'm pretty sure this was in Ohio.

Here in rural Illinois, $400,000 will get you a mansion as well.

Why do you choose to live where you do?

[rph3664]

while i'd never say this to an actual patient, i did say it to a flasher in the park:

"you're proud of that? it's the smallest one i've ever seen on a grown man!" he slunk away, pulling his clothing together as he went.

i have a male friend who worked in a nuclear power plant (which is a culture unto itself) with his then-wife, and there was a guy who worked with them who thought it was really funny to flash the women.

when he flashed my friend's now-ex, she pointed at it, giggled, and said, "is that all you've got?"

by all accounts, he never flashed anyone again, not at that plant.

[Fiona59]

...yes! Well put! I would also add; "Stop reading those Reader's Digest articles that state how awful hospital care is and you have to lie or demand to get things done right".

Every time I have one of those daughters from hell, I know they've been reading those magazines. "I'm Daddy's advocate for quality patient care" one actually told us.

Uhm, Daddy is a full code, being cared for by the Palliative Team. He was only admitted to our ward in order to receive comfort care. No, we do know what we are doing and we are quite good at it. We let people die alll the time.