Therapeutic Lying With Dementia Patients

The intended purpose of this article is to further explore the practice of therapeutic lying to demented patients. Specialties Geriatric Article

Therapeutic lying is the practice of telling little 'white lies' or fibs to prevent from agitating the patient with dementia. Even though some of us were taught to never lie to any patient under any circumstances due to ethical issues, please realize that the truth often inflicts unreasonable pain and mental anguish upon the demented patient.

As caregivers, we want to be completely honest with our patients. However, when someone has dementia, honesty can lead to distress both for us and the one we are caring for (AGIS, 2009). For example, the 89-year-old female with mid-stage Alzheimer's disease asks about her husband on a daily basis because she has forgotten that he died more than twenty years ago.

The nurse has the option of reminding this lady that her husband is dead, but this will also remind her about the mental pain and profound grief associated with that loss. This female will likely ask the same question tomorrow because, due to her declining cognitive function, she cannot remember yesterday's events. The nurse may choose to provide these daily reminders of the spouse's death, which will only serve to reopen the demented lady's emotional wounds on a daily basis.

On the other hand, the nurse has the option of employing therapeutic lying to handle the situation. Instead of telling the demented patient repeatedly that her husband has died, the nurse reassures her by saying, "He has gone fishing with Uncle Bart." Uncle Bart also died many years ago, but the female patient has forgotten about that, too. Instead of collapsing to the floor in tears, our demented patient smiles and says, "I hope they catch some good ones!"

In most cases, telling the truth is the reasonable, moral, and ethical thing to do for all parties involved. The problem is that patients who are in the middle and late stages of dementia cannot be reasoned with. When someone is acting in ways that don't make sense, we tend to carefully explain the situation, calling on his or her sense of appropriateness to get compliance (AGIS, 2009). However, the demented patient has lost this sense of logic. Therapeutic lying works in these situations, whereas reasoning and logic fail miserably.

It is best to use therapeutic lying when the truth would incite mental anguish, anxiety, agitation, and confusion in the demented patient. Also use therapeutic lying when the demented patient is obviously not grounded in reality and is living in a different time than everyone else around him or her. People with dementia do not need to be grounded in reality (AGIS, 2009). If the 92-year-old gentleman believes that the year is 1962 and that John F. Kennedy is the president of the United States, what is wrong with allowing him to think it is 1962? Reality orientation would be more of a hindrance than a help in this situation. Instead of forcing him to live in the present day, the caregiver may wish to step into his world.


References

Family Caregiver Alliance

Ten real-life strategies for dementia caregiving

Ten Tips for Communicating with a Person with Dementia

Validation Therapy & Redirection : How to Talk to Elder with Dementia

work-cited.txt

Specializes in Trauma Surgical ICU.

Thanks for this and the tips.. They will come in handy. Nice to have new "tricks" in my bag.

Specializes in ICU.

I wish I knew this 2 years ago when my grandma experienced the loss of her last sibling. My aunts kept trying to re-orient her and saying that her sister died. This went on every 15 seconds for a long time. She would forget after 15 seconds, ask what happened to her sister again, and then strongly re-act in horror the same exact way every time. We just didn't know better. It was definitely an eye-opener. Now with that experience combined with what is recommended nowadays (therapeutic lying), I will never try to re-orient someone in the late stages of AD. I'll also make sure to educate family members on the benefits of living in their reality. Thanks for another great article Commuter!

Specializes in Paediatrics.

In complete agreeance with this, I was taught that not breaking a dementia individuals 'reality bubble' was the most therapeutic for their mental health and feeling of well being. Which I believe to be true, if a lady is nattering on about how she just put all the chickens in their pen and if I knew if she remembered to put the soup ladle out? I don't see any harm with going along with her reality at that point in time. At most it'll make her smile or chat about something else, reorientating would create confusion and self doubt. Why bring that on a person unneeded? There really is no benefit it could bring her that I can see.

I think there is a difference between going along with a persons perception and lying. To me it's like playing a game with a four year old in imaginery play. We're not (with intent) lying when we're agreeing that the cup of water is quicksand, it's more we're going along with a perception that makes them happy. It encourages happiness, imagination and good memories for the dementia sufferers I think, compared to harsh truths that won't bring about anything but pain and distress.

Really liked this article, thanks for articulating it so well.

To me it's like playing a game with a four year old in imaginery play. We're not (with intent) lying when we're agreeing that the cup of water is quicksand, it's more we're going along with a perception that makes them happy.

That's how I think of it as well. I used to have so much fun with my LOLs at the nursing home. Being in "their world" was much nicer than my world, the nursing home. :)

I also went to nursing school during the Jurassic. It was drilled into my brain "always orient the patient to time, person, and place."

This is a different situation, but I will never forget working med/surg and having an alcoholic patient who thought I was someone else and he was somewhere else (I can't remember the details). I spent the whole night trying to reorient him, reminding him of my name, his name, and where he was. It went over like a lead balloon.

Sep 23 by JustKizzy I

I could have sworn I commented here in Sept. as well, but... this has helped so much I'll do it now :) I was looking for anything new on this subject as we are still so lost, and it brought me back here... this has been so great for us. I have brought my family around to Therapeutic Lying as it makes their visits SO much less... I dont know, frustrating? Their personalities are still there, and easier to find when you 'pretend'; unfortunately, only some of the caregivers at the center even bother to try. I'm going to cheat and repost my comment from this article on not arguing https://allnurses.com/geriatric-nurses-ltc/never-argue-dementia-747317.html ... again; Bless you all. This is so hard.

I know I'm years late to this discussion, however...

God bless you all... it takes a very special person to do your job.

I am not a nurse but, both of my parents are in a LTC facility with severe dementia. This issue of reorientation is very real for me; their health is very good (not even general geriatric issues) and we could conceivably carry on like this for years. The difference in their day-to-day mental health is very obvious depending on who is working their ward that day... reorienting NEVER works, and avoidance only causes more distress. The best caregivers take that extra two minutes to listen and placate and cajole. This is a no restraint facility, so they use drugs that specifically warn of dangers in use in elderly patients... very frustrating. Mom is in a locked ward; Dad is on a short hall (as they don't have a ward for males). The issues of reorientating and not letting them visit each other when family isn't there have caused all sorts of grief. Seems like it would be much easier on all involved to take 10 minutes to let them see each other and have a cup of tea than to argue for 3 hours and purposely avoid letting them have contact. Thank you for this article and all the comments; it is so reassuring and feels like validation!

On the lighter side;

They are in their 90's and spend most of their time in the 1940's; Mom was an RN and Dad a pilot in WWII. Mom is redirected with 'charts' of her own to review and 'making rounds' and spends her time comforting other patients... when she's not firing the 'girls' and sending exhausted aides home to rest, or 'lazy' aides off to clean "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!" :) Dad often thinks he's in an military hospital, and is only redirected with reminders that he needs to 'recover' in order to return to his wife.

This is such a sad, sad disease.

Thank you, again, to all of you who choose to help these patients have some peace, and maintain a wee bit of dignity.

Just,

Kizzy.

Specializes in School Nursing.
Sep 23 by JustKizzy I

I could have sworn I commented here in Sept. as well, but... this has helped so much I'll do it now :) I was looking for anything new on this subject as we are still so lost, and it brought me back here... this has been so great for us. I have brought my family around to Therapeutic Lying as it makes their visits SO much less... I dont know, frustrating? Their personalities are still there, and easier to find when you 'pretend'; unfortunately, only some of the caregivers at the center even bother to try. I'm going to cheat and repost my comment from this article on not arguing https://allnurses.com/geriatric-nurses-ltc/never-argue-dementia-747317.html ... again; Bless you all. This is so hard.

I know I'm years late to this discussion, however...

God bless you all... it takes a very special person to do your job.

I am not a nurse but, both of my parents are in a LTC facility with severe dementia. This issue of reorientation is very real for me; their health is very good (not even general geriatric issues) and we could conceivably carry on like this for years. The difference in their day-to-day mental health is very obvious depending on who is working their ward that day... reorienting NEVER works, and avoidance only causes more distress. The best caregivers take that extra two minutes to listen and placate and cajole. This is a no restraint facility, so they use drugs that specifically warn of dangers in use in elderly patients... very frustrating. Mom is in a locked ward; Dad is on a short hall (as they don't have a ward for males). The issues of reorientating and not letting them visit each other when family isn't there have caused all sorts of grief. Seems like it would be much easier on all involved to take 10 minutes to let them see each other and have a cup of tea than to argue for 3 hours and purposely avoid letting them have contact. Thank you for this article and all the comments; it is so reassuring and feels like validation!

On the lighter side;

They are in their 90's and spend most of their time in the 1940's; Mom was an RN and Dad a pilot in WWII. Mom is redirected with 'charts' of her own to review and 'making rounds' and spends her time comforting other patients... when she's not firing the 'girls' and sending exhausted aides home to rest, or 'lazy' aides off to clean "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!" :) Dad often thinks he's in an military hospital, and is only redirected with reminders that he needs to 'recover' in order to return to his wife.

This is such a sad, sad disease.

Thank you, again, to all of you who choose to help these patients have some peace, and maintain a wee bit of dignity.

Just,

Kizzy.

Kizzy- is there no way they can keep your parents together? It's sad that they have them separated! :(

Hi newhospicern... It is so sad. However, dementia is an evil host. They also have Sundowner's. That being said, they have to both be on the same page, so to speak, at the same time... or all hell breaks loose. Living in the past as they do, they don't always recognize the other in their old age bodies, and tend to reject any inkling that THAT is who they're looking for. While still at home, Mom would have nights when she refused to go to bed in the same room with 'that man' as it was inappropriate. There are many days when Dad is ready for Mom to 'go back to her house' (when she's talking nonsense and he can't follow) and go looking for his wife. They just don't understand anymore. Evil, I tell you, it's just evil. I cry all the time at the lack of dignity, and the injustice, of it all.

I like to end on a light note; There are days when they sit and chatter, hugging and kissing, and shine as themselves. They've been married 73 years. Mom can't use colored lipstick anymore (because it ends up all over the place lol) but she still uses her reflection in my father's eyes to apply her lip balm. "Look at me, Bob." "What, dear? Oh.. always, love."

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
They've been married 73 years. Mom can't use colored lipstick anymore (because it ends up all over the place lol) but she still uses her reflection in my father's eyes to apply her lip balm. "Look at me, Bob." "What, dear? Oh.. always, love."

This is probably one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in my entire life, and I'm a crusty old broad, so that's no small period of time we're talking about!!!

I have always used "therapeutic lying" when it comes to my residents with dementia who would only become distraught if I told them them the truth. We had one sweet little lady who was always looking for her husband "Joe", if someone told her that Joe was "gone" it was like she was hearing it for the first time, she would begin to cry inconsolably for a time and then ask the next person if they knew where Joe was.. We learned that Joe had loved to golf and it was easier and kinder to tell her that Joe was out golfing with "the guys" then it was to tell her that Joe had passed away years ago. One nurse even took the time one evening to "call around" looking for Joe. They spent about 15 min by the phone and this nurse made multiple calls and left multiple messages. This resident was calmed by the fact that Joe would get his message and call back soon and she was able to go to bed. Afterwards I asked the nurse who it was that she had actually called, and she said "oh I was calling my home number and leaving the messages on my machine. I know no one is home and could leave messages without anyone answering! I have about 10 messages waiting for me at home now but that's ok!"

Specializes in Aged care, disability, community.

We had a resident the other day screaming out for help in the dining room the other day, stating that she was worried about the chicken for dinner and she didn't have enough time to get everything done for dinner in 6 hours. Nothing seemed to be working until I told her that I'd put it in the slow cooker and to just enjoy her lunch and not worry about it. She didn't mention the chicken again.

I found this document very interesting and explained well the concept of "theraputic lying" which always feels like a contradictory phrase- in my 36 years experince in psychiatry I am aware that I have used this often particulalry in the last 20 years working with older adults with memory impairment. In my defence this is always done with the best interests and in collabaration with the patient and their loved ones, who are the centre of all we do as a team and we have always made this an integral part of the care planning process for the patient.