JustKizzy

Hi newhospicern... It is so sad. However, dementia is an evil host. They also have Sundowner's. That being said, they have to both be on the same page, so to speak, at the same time... or all hell breaks loose. Living in the past as they do, they don't always recognize the other in their old age bodies, and tend to reject any inkling that THAT is who they're looking for. While still at home, Mom would have nights when she refused to go to bed in the same room with 'that man' as it was inappropriate. There are many days when Dad is ready for Mom to 'go back to her house' (when she's talking nonsense and he can't follow) and go looking for his wife. They just don't understand anymore. Evil, I tell you, it's just evil. I cry all the time at the lack of dignity, and the injustice, of it all. I like to end on a light note; There are days when they sit and chatter, hugging and kissing, and shine as themselves. They've been married 73 years. Mom can't use colored lipstick anymore (because it ends up all over the place lol) but she still uses her reflection in my father's eyes to apply her lip balm. "Look at me, Bob." "What, dear? Oh.. always, love."

... here's hoping someone thought to put a potty chair in that poor lady's room :)

Sep 23 by JustKizzy I I could have sworn I commented here in Sept. as well, but... this has helped so much I'll do it now :) I was looking for anything new on this subject as we are still so lost, and it brought me back here... this has been so great for us. I have brought my family around to Therapeutic Lying as it makes their visits SO much less... I dont know, frustrating? Their personalities are still there, and easier to find when you 'pretend'; unfortunately, only some of the caregivers at the center even bother to try. I'm going to cheat and repost my comment from this article on not arguing https://allnurses.com/geriatric-nurses-ltc/never-argue-dementia-747317.html ... again; Bless you all. This is so hard. I know I'm years late to this discussion, however... God bless you all... it takes a very special person to do your job. I am not a nurse but, both of my parents are in a LTC facility with severe dementia. This issue of reorientation is very real for me; their health is very good (not even general geriatric issues) and we could conceivably carry on like this for years. The difference in their day-to-day mental health is very obvious depending on who is working their ward that day... reorienting NEVER works, and avoidance only causes more distress. The best caregivers take that extra two minutes to listen and placate and cajole. This is a no restraint facility, so they use drugs that specifically warn of dangers in use in elderly patients... very frustrating. Mom is in a locked ward; Dad is on a short hall (as they don't have a ward for males). The issues of reorientating and not letting them visit each other when family isn't there have caused all sorts of grief. Seems like it would be much easier on all involved to take 10 minutes to let them see each other and have a cup of tea than to argue for 3 hours and purposely avoid letting them have contact. Thank you for this article and all the comments; it is so reassuring and feels like validation! On the lighter side; They are in their 90's and spend most of their time in the 1940's; Mom was an RN and Dad a pilot in WWII. Mom is redirected with 'charts' of her own to review and 'making rounds' and spends her time comforting other patients... when she's not firing the 'girls' and sending exhausted aides home to rest, or 'lazy' aides off to clean "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!" :) Dad often thinks he's in an military hospital, and is only redirected with reminders that he needs to 'recover' in order to return to his wife. This is such a sad, sad disease. Thank you, again, to all of you who choose to help these patients have some peace, and maintain a wee bit of dignity. Just, Kizzy.