The "bully" nurse

rogramjet · Sep 29, 2005

I had one who would belittle me every morning, right at the nurses station. She would find someting wrong wit my report and cut me down. She would start asking questions until she got an "I don't know." then would smirk and walk off. I worked as a housekeeper while going to nursing hell, and stood my ground with her more than once. Then when she got a little authority over me, she just went off every morning. She finally lightened up when my charge nurse jumped down her throat about it. I talked with others about her, and those who have worked with her for years say she is insecure, and she hates men. Luckily I don't work with her anymore.

misschelei · Sep 29, 2005

Originally posted by Daytonite
Having been a nurse manager (head nurse) I can give you a little perspective on this. A bully nurse will often be loud and very verbal about their views. When something is being discussed or a decision has to be made they will elbow their way into the conversation and try to take it over. They sometimes will have a little gang of buddy nurses or perhaps just one other "friend" who thinks like her, often act like her and take their cues from her. These cliques can include RNs, LPNs, aides, and unit secretaries all conspiring together--a lot of them are equal opporunity bullys. When they are all working at the same time they exert a powerful influence and intimidation over the other nurses. Sometimes they are aware of this power they have and sometimes not so aware. They will take the opportunity to divide up the assignments for the shift and make sure they, and any "friends" they have working, get the better assignment and take their breaks together. They sometimes will seem to act as if the other nurses don't even exist, so a quieter nurse who is fearful and not comfortable confronting or being assertive with one of these people is going to feel bullied or stepped on. People outside their little group want to limit their contact with them because they are likely to get yelled at or ridiculed and who wants to put up with that? They can be ring leaders for trouble and gossip. The more they are allowed to carry on that way without being stopped the more outrageous they can become with their power and will overwhelm the others who do not participate in the same behaviors. Bullys exist by intimidation. They are not much different from the bullies kids run across in grade school except they are adults.
I have to add that if a manager or supervisor doesn't step in and break up this behavior, she is going to lose a lot of good staff nurses. The problem is compounded even further if the manager has gotten sucked into the bully's power trip. Management, I found, involves dealing with behavior problems as well as the usual staffing and patient problems. A bully would be classified as a "difficult" employee and it takes a lot out of me emotionally to just deal with them because they are so arogant and persistant about the authority they think they have.

I think you are right on! I can sense them a mile away when I enter a unit. They just have that cocky smile and giggle with their buddies like its some kind of secret society. They will generally try to make you feel insignificant and stupid any chance they get.

What is really sad is many times they are in with the supervisor and nothing is done to curb the behavior. One unit in particular that I worked on, the nurse manager was just a staffer who got the job cuz no one else wanted it. She was encouraged to take the job by the unit bullies and thier minions. When she took it they had her right where they wanted her. They used her it was sooooooo obvious.

grimmy, RN · Sep 29, 2005

i, too, know about this sort of situation, and i find that it has a lot to do with tone of voice, and presuming to teach when not asked. this is not to say that i don't want to learn, but if i ask my team manager a question, he's likely to say, "let's look it up!" if he was bullying me (which he never does), he might not even wait for me to ask a question, but presume that i know nothing, inform the rest of the team behind my back, etc. condescension has got to be the worst, though. we have a nurse that we work with who will criticize everything on your sterile field, and she is an equal opportunity criticizer - she'll come right out and tell the surgeon that she/he doesn't need a particular item! needless to say, she is not on my team, and i don't work with her very often - no one wants to, either. no surprise there.

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Sep 30, 2005

Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, sexes and colors. I attempt to stay under the radar, do my work, and stay out of gossip. Like another poster stated, sometimes the bully is the one who is friends with the supervisor/HN. That is a terrible unit to work, the bully knows she can get away with just about any type of behavior and still be employed. I have moved from more than one unit to get away from this type of bully. I do not consider myself a coward and will defend myself, but some battles are just not worth fighting. I can honestly say I have only worked with one male bully, seems like males are just better at keeping the job and other feelings separate.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Sep 30, 2005

One trick to dealing with bullies is to confront them and expose their little power trip for what it is. It requires using some assertive techniques and a fearlessness to meet them head-on. It takes a lot out of you emotionally at first, but once you get the hang of the right things to say in response to their bullying it gets a lot easier and makes working life with them a lot more tolerable. Part of dealing with them is realizing that they always have a dishonest motive to make you look like a boob and them like a shining star whether they are consciously aware of this or not. Try practicing these statements and using them when you're being "eaten".

"You're trying to make me look stupid in front of everyone instead of helping me like I've asked. If you can't answer my question, just say so without being so disrespectful."

"You're trying to make me look stupid in front of everyone for making an error. Next time just take me aside and talk to me about it privately."

These statements, once said, then open the door to really blast them if they do it to you again by starting out with, "I've told you before. . ." Now, they look like to the rest of the group like they've failed.

I've sometimes toyed with these people a little and turned to the rest of the group and added, "I'm so sorry you had to hear this." You get the last strong words, it indicates that you weren't flustered by the way you were treated and it puts you in a position of power. It's a much better feeling than standing there and taking a belittling. And, I don't let them suck me into any further discussion about an incident. Say what you have to say and then clam up. It's keeps you in a position of power over them. Just walk away from them if you can. :coollook:

misschelei · Sep 30, 2005

Right on the button again Daytonite! If they get a hint of the scent of fear from you they think they can own you. But when you take a stand with a professional approach they tend to not want to mess with you as much. You're too much of a gamble for em then.

Cute_CNA, CNA · Sep 30, 2005

All of the above, also the nurse who feels if she can put down a fellow workmate in front of others, then she is pacing herself more superior!

Yes, that's a big one! I forgot about that one. I can't stand people who do that, especially when it's someone who has authority over me.

snowfreeze, BSN, RN · Sep 30, 2005

sometimes what appears as a bully nurse is only an insecure person trying to climb out of their own hole of insecurity.

talaxandra · Sep 30, 2005

Excellent response, daytonote! I'll have to advise my less experienced colleagues to try this next time they feel harassed.

iadoregon · Oct 5, 2005

I have to add that if a manager or supervisor doesn't step in and break up this behavior, she is going to lose a lot of good staff nurses. The problem is compounded even further if the manager has gotten sucked into the bully's power trip. QUOTE]
I have to say you have just described the atmosphere on the NICU floor at the hospital I worked at in Hawaii. :angryfire Even travel nurses said they had never seen so much blatent bullying. And why did we have travel nurses? Because good nurses kept leaving because they couldn't/wouldn't put up with the crap!!
And yes, I am one of the quiet ones. I just don't understand being mean just to be mean. It has never occured to me to be anything but nice and helpful. I just experienced the same thing in a Dental Assisting program I was tring out so yes, it occurs everywhere unfortunately. This time, instead of being bullied for not having the knowledge, as was the case in Hawaii, I was bullied for being a know-it-all. With bullies, you just can't win.

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Oct 5, 2005

One trick to dealing with bullies is to confront them and expose their little power trip for what it is. It requires using some assertive techniques and a fearlessness to meet them head-on. It takes a lot out of you emotionally at first, but once you get the hang of the right things to say in response to their bullying it gets a lot easier and makes working life with them a lot more tolerable. Part of dealing with them is realizing that they always have a dishonest motive to make you look like a boob and them like a shining star whether they are consciously aware of this or not. Try practicing these statements and using them when you're being "eaten".

"You're trying to make me look stupid in front of everyone instead of helping me like I've asked. If you can't answer my question, just say so without being so disrespectful."
"You're trying to make me look stupid in front of everyone for making an error. Next time just take me aside and talk to me about it privately."
These statements, once said, then open the door to really blast them if they do it to you again by starting out with, "I've told you before. . ." Now, they look like to the rest of the group like they've failed.
I've sometimes toyed with these people a little and turned to the rest of the group and added, "I'm so sorry you had to hear this." You get the last strong words, it indicates that you weren't flustered by the way you were treated and it puts you in a position of power. It's a much better feeling than standing there and taking a belittling. And, I don't let them suck me into any further discussion about an incident. Say what you have to say and then clam up. It's keeps you in a position of power over them. Just walk away from them if you can.

Couldn't agree with you more Daytonite!

sayitgirl · Oct 5, 2005

Having been a nurse manager (head nurse) I can give you a little perspective on this. A bully nurse will often be loud and very verbal about their views. When something is being discussed or a decision has to be made they will elbow their way into the conversation and try to take it over. They sometimes will have a little gang of buddy nurses or perhaps just one other "friend" who thinks like her, often act like her and take their cues from her. These cliques can include RNs, LPNs, aides, and unit secretaries all conspiring together--a lot of them are equal opporunity bullys. When they are all working at the same time they exert a powerful influence and intimidation over the other nurses. Sometimes they are aware of this power they have and sometimes not so aware. They will take the opportunity to divide up the assignments for the shift and make sure they, and any "friends" they have working, get the better assignment and take their breaks together. They sometimes will seem to act as if the other nurses don't even exist, so a quieter nurse who is fearful and not comfortable confronting or being assertive with one of these people is going to feel bullied or stepped on. People outside their little group want to limit their contact with them because they are likely to get yelled at or ridiculed and who wants to put up with that? They can be ring leaders for trouble and gossip. The more they are allowed to carry on that way without being stopped the more outrageous they can become with their power and will overwhelm the others who do not participate in the same behaviors. Bullys exist by intimidation. They are not much different from the bullies kids run across in grade school except they are adults.
I have to add that if a manager or supervisor doesn't step in and break up this behavior, she is going to lose a lot of good staff nurses. The problem is compounded even further if the manager has gotten sucked into the bully's power trip. Management, I found, involves dealing with behavior problems as well as the usual staffing and patient problems. A bully would be classified as a "difficult" employee and it takes a lot out of me emotionally to just deal with them because they are so arogant and persistant about the authority they think they have.

You don't have to be a head nurse or charge nurse to experience nurses eating their own... you can be the housekeeper, nursing assistant...they do not discriminate...