The nurses every co-worker hates

[RNGriffin]

I don't know exactly how the context of this message will be articulated, but I am interested in gaining knowledge on the topic & opinions.

So, I am a seasoned nurse, not that it should make any difference in the haul of this question, but background information. For some reason I find that patients are always receptive of my approach & sometimes directness in dealing with their conditions/medical diagnosis. But, for my entire career I have found co-workers have shied away from engaging in conversation with me or interacting with me on a regular basis. Initially this troubled me and I considered most nurses avoided me because of my past position as a Director within the hospital. But, as new nurses came and older ones( who were aware of my past experience left) I was still considered one of the unapproachable co-workers. I don't know whether it's a blunt nature as a person. I am simply straight forward no cut corners, no side banter in report, or no unnecessary information needed while giving background information.

A troubling statement came when a manager used the terms "Mean & Rude" to describe my personality today. From another perspective I would like to gain knowledge on how to be more approachable without being the doormat. In my opinion, you're only relatable when you never disagree, you're soft spoken, and a yes wo/man. These are not characteristics that I posses, and hopefully I never will. But, I would definitely like to remove the plaque of "The Devil in Prada,Cruella Deville..etc." from around me.

Any advice?

[FlyingScot, RN]

The cure for CBFS is a smile. Simple as that. Again, not that you have to be fake, but is it really that difficult to smile at someone and say hi?

It isn't really that simple. Of course I smile when I greet someone or have any other human interaction. But when they walk by my office and see me on the computer I often heard "what has you so p***ed" when in actuality I was just concentrating. Or passing someone when a greeting isn't necessary (already done and a person I pass 1000 times a day in the clinic hall) I may not be all smiley and my CBF rears its ugly head. So, no, a smile isn't always a cure unless you can carry off smiling all day long which if you've ever been a bride you know actually gets painful.

[Aurora77]

It isn't really that simple. Of course I smile when I greet someone or have any other human interaction. But when they walk by my office and see me on the computer I often heard "what has you so p***ed" when in actuality I was just concentrating. Or passing someone when a greeting isn't necessary (already done and a person I pass 1000 times a day in the clinic hall) I may not be all smiley and my CBF rears its ugly head. So, no, a smile isn't always a cure unless you can carry off smiling all day long which if you've ever been a bride you know actually gets painful.

Why can't you make eye contact and smile when adding someone in the halls? I'm truly baffled. Maybe I'm odd, but it comes easily to me and I can't imagine why it would be painful, unless it's fake. A little friendliness just makes life easier and nursing is challenging enough.

[NurseDirtyBird]

You seem to look at things in a very black and white way. Either blunt and straightforward, or a doormat. That's not the way dealing with people works. There are people who can be very straightforward and no-nonsense while still having tact and courtesy for others' feelings. There is a middle ground, I promise. I think finding that middle ground will help you relate better with your coworkers.

[wanderlust99]

A quick glance at your post and I am already offended by it. Maybe that's your problem? If you don't care that you offend people by what you say, own it and accept that people just won't like you.

[FlyingScot, RN]

Why can't you make eye contact and smile when adding someone in the halls? I'm truly baffled. Maybe I'm odd, but it comes easily to me and I can't imagine why it would be painful, unless it's fake. A little friendliness just makes life easier and nursing is challenging enough.

Did you even read my post? I work in a small office with 8 nurses. I cheerfully greet them every morning when I come in. I chat with them. I smile at them when they are interacting with me but I also pass them a million times in one 10 hour shift and it would be ridiculous to worry about making eye contact with them. Nobody on our staff finds it necessary to acknowledge someone every single time we see them and we all get along famously. The "smiling all day" I was referring to was having one plastered on at all times no matter who is looking on the off chance that somebody might see me and interpret my mood based on my facial expression (like when I'm working on the computer). I have furrows between my eyebrows. When my face is relaxed it looks like I'm frowning when I'm not. I cannot help this and I won't get Botox. The only counter to this is a permanent smile plastered on my face which would indeed be fake. People, who don't know me, have a habit of interpreting it as my being angry even though I'm not interacting with them and may be innocently sitting alone in my office working on paperwork with the door open. Your assumption that I am unfriendly is way off base although I'll admit I'm a little irritated right now so I'm probably verging on being snippy and I am not currently smiling so my CBF is definitely showing.

[RNGriffin]

A quick glance at your post and I am already offended by it. Maybe that's your problem? If you don't care that you offend people by what you say, own it and accept that people just won't like you.

My response to this is, the extent some people will go to be offended. If you are offended by something as simple as me being me, I can't help you. That's ownership to my **********, I guess.

[kensmith]

Im curious.Are you male or female?I couldnt tell by your comment and am not trying to be rude,but I will tell you that as a male our voice inflection and attitude can be misconstrued.Your posture,how you hold your hands and many other things can irritate many people nomatter if your m/f.Im truly sorry you are going through something such as this.Im sure you are about the job and are a very good nurse.Maybe just lighten up and smile occasionally.Approach others first with assistance and dont talk down to anyone-ever.Good luck with your issue and as intelligent as you seem you will figure this one out.

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

It sounds like you have an insecure little pot stirrer in your midst.

Ask your manager to set up a meeting with the person or people who find you to be mean and rude.

Tell her you want to clear the air because good work relationships are very important.

I'll bet the complainer is someone with no life outside of work who is jealous of your achievements.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

I think the small talk helps no matter how much you may not like looking at pics of vacation, new babies, weddings, puppies, etc, they are important to your coworker. It only takes a few seconds to ohh and ahhh over pics. I may not always be very interested, but I always ask because I know it means a lot to my coworker. Even nurses could use a bit of nursing sometimes.

[itsmejuli]

I found that bringing fattening foods such as cupcakes and cookeis helps soften up co-workers too. :)

[bagladyrn, RN]

This may sound counterintuitive to you, but try asking your coworkers to help you occasionally. Not all the time, just once in a while, "Can you show me how you do this procedure?", or "Which way do you think works better?" or even "How do you get the computer to do this?".

People like to feel knowlegeable, helpful and by asking them you are acknowledging their competence.

Doesn't even have to be directly work related. I've had the aide at work helping me with the functions on my cell phone while on lunch break. Sure, I could sit down and puzzle it out from the instruction manual, but again, people like to feel helpful.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

Early in my career as a manager, I was informed that some people thought I was cold to them. Coworkers, not customers. While this wasn't exactly true, I realized that perception is reality. So since then, which was years ago, I learned to play the politics, to favourable reviews. Sometimes you have to engage your coworkers, as much as you may not want to, in order to keep the peace. I am an extrovert. I will often speak my mind, and I go to work to work. Work is work, home is home. I keep the two separate, and quite frankly, I could care less what my coworkers did on their day off, nor do I want to engage in the workplace drama. As a result, people like myself can be perceived as cold where coworkers are concerned. However, I am more than willing to lend someone a hand.