The nurses every co-worker hates

[RNGriffin]

I don't know exactly how the context of this message will be articulated, but I am interested in gaining knowledge on the topic & opinions.

So, I am a seasoned nurse, not that it should make any difference in the haul of this question, but background information. For some reason I find that patients are always receptive of my approach & sometimes directness in dealing with their conditions/medical diagnosis. But, for my entire career I have found co-workers have shied away from engaging in conversation with me or interacting with me on a regular basis. Initially this troubled me and I considered most nurses avoided me because of my past position as a Director within the hospital. But, as new nurses came and older ones( who were aware of my past experience left) I was still considered one of the unapproachable co-workers. I don't know whether it's a blunt nature as a person. I am simply straight forward no cut corners, no side banter in report, or no unnecessary information needed while giving background information.

A troubling statement came when a manager used the terms "Mean & Rude" to describe my personality today. From another perspective I would like to gain knowledge on how to be more approachable without being the doormat. In my opinion, you're only relatable when you never disagree, you're soft spoken, and a yes wo/man. These are not characteristics that I posses, and hopefully I never will. But, I would definitely like to remove the plaque of "The Devil in Prada,Cruella Deville..etc." from around me.

Any advice?

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

I once worked with a nurse who was a CCRN for over 20 years, professional, knowledgeable and VERY intimidating. I wasn't sure if I liked her at first, but I absolutely respected her. Report always matched the patient. We got stuff done and grew to trust each other.

Unfortunately, the petty small minded people in this low level ICU decided she wasn't a "good fit." That's right: you had to be lazy and incompetent to be a good fit. They denied her hours. Our manager another ignorant f!@#$%^ redneck knew she could work circles around him and supported the false allegations his little favorites made against this fantastic nurse.

Does any of this sound familiar?

[echoRNC711, BSN]

I was once told at annual evaluation that "I was raising the bar too high and some of the other nurses didnt appreciate it ". I was speechless.

[nurseladybug12]

I think that the right people would embrace your personality. Some people including myself like a blunt and honest person and a blunt sense of humor. If you put a humorous twist on what you are saying people may not take it so offensively,it's all about how you say it not what you say. All you can be is yourself. I don't know why someone called you rude but if you say please and thank you and smile etc those are pretty basic manners. Also, if you remember little details about people and show thoughtfulness people will remember it and like you better for it. Sometimes it's not you, it's the group. There have been groups I was a part of that worked very well together, and others where no one seemed to like or care about each other, different personalities create different group dynamics. There's a great book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. It basically says to show interest in others because the number one thing people love to talk about is themselves! I can relate to you though, I am usually no nonsense at work. But I am on the quieter side. There are people that can bring out the fun side of me and people who are just not interested in me and vice versa so that is why I say I think it's all about the group you are working with. Also, since you are an experienced nurse, you should take a new nurse under your wing and offer to help or give advice and ask how they are doing through out the day, I am sure she or he would really appreciate it and it would show the warmer side of yourself.

[nurseladybug12]

"I was once told at annual evaluation that "I was raising the bar too high and some of the other nurses didnt appreciate it ". I was speechless. "

Wow , when did it become about their "not liking it" and not what was best for the patients? That is the silliest thing I ever heard! But good for you keep doing what you're doing.

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

I was once told at annual evaluation that "I was raising the bar too high and some of the other nurses didnt appreciate it ". I was speechless.

My friend was told by management officials, and I swear it's the truth, "you need to lower your standards."

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

Why can't you make eye contact and smile when adding someone in the halls? I'm truly baffled. Maybe I'm odd, but it comes easily to me and I can't imagine why it would be painful, unless it's fake. A little friendliness just makes life easier and nursing is challenging enough.

guess what ? for some of us it is fake and we can not control that. well if it is not sincere in everyone some of us have to fake it.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

Umm, wow. Okay, I kind of get why your manager said what she did. I don't think anyone should have to be best buddies with their coworkers and go out to dinner every night after work, but these are people you spend a whole lot of your life with. If you really are that uninterested in them, I'm sure they feel it.

You have to trust your coworkers to have a really good working relationship with them, and how do you trust someone if you know they really couldn't care less about you? Just my humble opinion, of course. It's hard to relate to someone who literally has no interest in you. Think about the doctors most of the nurses like the best. Are they the ones that know the nurses and are approachable as human beings?

That's the way it is in our unit. I know a lot about my coworkers, and they know a lot about me. We celebrate every birth and every marriage. If there is a death in a nurse's family, we cook meals and send flowers. I don't socialize with 99% of them outside the unit, but I feel like they are my friends, and it makes life at work much more bearable. If we had a nurse come on the unit who refused to engage in small talk, refused to participate in celebrations, seemed genuinely uninterested in our kids and our lives, I guess we would think her rude and mean. I know not every unit is like ours, and part of it probably has to do with the fact that we are a labor unit and we all delivered there, so the person you are giving report to on Tuesday may be the one admitting you and checking your cervix when your water breaks on Thursday (in my case, that's exactly what happened), but I think most work environments benefit from camaraderie and many nurses appreciate that.

The more I think about it, the more parallels I see in how you describe yourself and our nurse manager. It is painfully obvious that she really has absolutely no interest in us beyond the professional role. She sees how the rest of us are, so she tries to fake it. And it's obvious that she's faking. And most of the nurses are really offended because she doesn't care about us as people. Maybe she shouldn't have to care, but that is what everyone seems to want and what she is incapable of giving to us, and as a result she is viewed in a very negative light. She consistently gets bed reviews on employee evaluations.

I don't really have any advice, but I can see why your coworkers have a hard time relating to you, and I don't mean that in a mean way.

I am one of those coworkers that does NOT CARE to see family or pet pictures, when you are getting married, pregnant, etc. I am who I am. I can fake it but it is what it is. IF someone see's through the facade then what can I do?. i can't control my feelings. I don't really care or excpect my manager to care about me in any other way than as an employee. Like the OP I do not like personal questions. Although at times I am an open book, generally I am not and many people know me for years without knowing much if anything about me. Not being interested in your kids, participating in celebrations( i never do-at work can't be bothered), does not make me rude of mean.NOt at all. I always help coworkers, do my job and leave but don't excpect me to care about a coworker's baby shower, or participate in the gift exchange.

[mitral]

If you were a man this would be totally normal behavior. It's annoying how women have to be bubbly and chatty or else they're considered rude. I knew a lady like this who absolutely terrified me! But once I got to know her I really enjoyed and respected her. It was nice to know I had someone I could bounce ideas off of and know she would be totally honest and not sugarcoat anything.

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

There's a wide divide between being bubbly and standing there with a sour face looking like youre holding in a fart that just might be wet.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

That's the thing. I am respectful to my coworkers, and friendly, which is sincere. However, there's a line between being civil and friendly at work, and being overly social. Some people can't separate the two. I don't need to know all the details of someone's personal life. I'm there to say good morning, help out where I can, and go home. There would be much less workplace drama if more people thought this way.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

In re-reading the OP, it was a manager who described the poster's personality as "mean and rude". Honestly, just my opinion, but why is a manager using such subjective and personal terms? If it were a patient who used that description, then I would think manager could say "A patient had the complaint that you were 'mean and rude', then the poster could have the opportunity to change the way she interacts with her patients. Otherwise, to the original poster, I would be very careful, get everything in writing, and ask for specific examples where you may not have been correctly professional. There's a HUGE difference between "mean and rude" and "not professional in your conduct". You have stated that you are an active and supportive member of the team. That you don't skip around throwing glitter to your co-workers on down time should have not a thing to do with your nursing practice.

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

In re-reading the OP, it was a manager who described the poster's personality as "mean and rude". Honestly, just my opinion, but why is a manager using such subjective and personal terms? If it were a patient who used that description, then I would think manager could say "A patient had the complaint that you were 'mean and rude', then the poster could have the opportunity to change the way she interacts with her patients. Otherwise, to the original poster, I would be very careful, get everything in writing, and ask for specific examples where you may not have been correctly professional. There's a HUGE difference between "mean and rude" and "not professional in your conduct". You have stated that you are an active and supportive member of the team. That you don't skip around throwing glitter to your co-workers on down time should have not a thing to do with your nursing practice.

Great advice!

She was warned had been the subject of undisclosed complaints of being " mean" and "rude." To whom? Patients? Coworkers? No specificcircumstances or other tangible factors were cited in support of this anonymousaccusation. It's a lot of petty trumped up nonsense but should be taken seriously because someone wants to discredit her and see her gone.

Keep a journal and always get copies of all evaluations. You don't have to bond with these people, just get your work done. If you have one real friend at any job consider yourself very lucky.

The one thing to ask yourself about this position is is it worth fighting for?