You had such high hopes, truly you did. You were going to be such a difference in your nursing world. You had such wonderful examples (Florence Nightingale et al) to base your aspirations and model your path. The excitement was barely contained in you; you were brimming with it.
There were moments in Nursing school, that you felt you, just couldn't do it, but you braced yourself and ploughed on, until you came to that special day after you passed your NCLEX exam and officially became a Nurse. God be praised! You had done it, a full fledged nurse you had become.
The next part was finding that job that you so desperately wanted to make a difference in, that Johnson commercial you had seen about becoming the difference, yes, yes, it was close at hand. And then you got that first job, how happy you were; tears of joy streaming down your face, your smile as bright as sunshine, your spirit soaring in happiness, nothing could quell this feeling. It was your moment. And what a glorious moment it was!
You loved your job so very much; everyone was warm and welcoming. And you were determined to make that difference. But wait! You noticed some startling occurrences that who knows, may very easily have been rectified, or due to the busyness of the unit, had possibly been overlooked. So in the most polite and non-threatening way possible, you offer a suggestion very placatingly. In as much as you had the ear of your supervisor and colleagues, you still did not want your words misconstrued or feathers ruffled. Plus, it was an assignment you would willingly volunteer for and offered to. How wrong you were...
That was when the change began.
It was subtle at first and you couldn't be sure, if your gut feelings were right or playing tricks on you, so subtle it was. You heard snippets of conversation that were swiftly concluded when you came within hearing distance or even sight. But again, you were so unsure. You started wondering if your mind was making things up or if there truly was a slow ganging up against you. Until that one night you stepped into the break room and there was a sudden stop in the conversation, there was eye contact made with you and as one, the group looked away; the tension was palpable.
And then you knew.
Inasmuch as you had tried to offer your suggestion with the best intent and the best way possible, it had been misconstrued. Somehow, you had overstepped your boundaries. And it didn't get any better from that night-no, it was a swift steady decline from then on. It never got better and you never recovered from it. Like a moth, you had flown too close to the flames and got burned. The next job you got, you forgot all about making a difference, you wanted no repetition of the previous occurrence. You did not have any fight left in you.
It is you, I see every time I stop by your unit, smiling wanly and being unobtrusive. You follow the crowd and forget about making a difference.Your thoughts, "It.Just.Is.Not.Worth.It".
Signed,
Anonymous
This is purely fictional...or is it? Please read and critique.
Specializes in Pediatric Private Duty; Camp Nursing.
It would be awesome to go in there, clean up this one-horse town, and be loved by all. I had that dream too once upon a time. But now I have children to feed and bills to pay. I owe it to my kids to have a reliable paycheck coming in from a work environment that's not going to put me in an early grave from the stress. And that's really what it's all about, why we work for a living, taking care of yourself and yours.
If I want to change the world, I have to focus on my kids and raise them right so I can contribute by putting two quality human beings into this society. I've been telling my daughters since they were old enough to understand, "I didn't put you on this Earth to torture other people's children." I refer to bullying in school, but that bully attitude can last a lifetime.
Do you think MLK, Jr. and his vision was well received? I think not.
Nor did you hear him give up the game just because his views didn't create immediate change. And never forget this man died for his views. He wasn't just belittled, ostracized, or made to feel little. He was killed! So, in short I LOVE your use of MLK, Jr. as an example in this case.
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "don't make waves" It's wise to pick your battles.
I think some people are more in love with the idea of being martyred for a cause then they ever were with the cause itself.
I completely agree that it is always wise to pick your battles. I would also agree with you that some people seem to want the martyrdom more than the change they are seeking. I think this goes back to what I said earlier about American culture. We have become a society where many people feel that if you aren't sticking out then you aren't doing the right thing. Individualism is great, but being recognized as an individual for the right reasons is even better.
I completely agree that it is always wise to pick your battles. I would also agree with you that some people seem to want the martyrdom more than the change they are seeking. I think this goes back to what I said earlier about American culture. We have become a society where many people feel that if you aren't sticking out then you aren't doing the right thing. Individualism is great, but being recognized as an individual for the right reasons is even better.
As always just my two cents . . .
THIS...I don't think it's specific to just American culture...it can be human culture.
And when they do that, the newcomer complains about them being "mean" and "eating their young.
Every nursing job want ad is looking for "compassionate, caring" nurses. Seems like these ideals are reserved only for treatment of "patients" and never to be extended to those on our "team" though of course we are all consummate "team players." (Sure...)
The OP tried to point out what she thought was wrong, in what she thought was a most humble manner, so as not to offend anyone's prickly sensibilities. Then she is talked about behind her back and shunned. Now we have the implication being suggested that she set out to be a martyr.
Shark-infested waters ahead. Hold still and pray they don't eat you.
I'm just not seeing any compassion here, team. Maybe it's the salt water in my eyes. Why is it necessary to condemn the newcomer? Sure, if they are all uppity and know-it-all, but that's not what was being described here. Why can't nurses show some maturity and deal directly with the newcomer without coming off as "mean". Maybe I'm just too new to understand.
Some of us have never went through this experience...that's not being not empathetic; if anything, it is giving the OP another side.
Another thing is as a nurses and a human, I've learned a looong time ago...over 20 years ago, how to be based in reality...and how THAT in itself is relative...there are going to be people, places and situations that take mountains to move; the best way is to pick and choose your battles; another issue is the expectation of how one should treat the person when in reality the expectation should be set by the individual; more internal than external.
I also will add that compassion is not always the "motherly myth" we seem
To try to tie nursing into; compassion may involve pure HONESTY, logic perhaps.
Compassion may be enlightening someone to realize what path they are going down and to make a choice...and it can look and sound ugly, but be the exact push for someone to do greater and change their mindset to allow success to guide them ini the right place and niche.
Compassion is about the ultimate success and goal in what is RIGHT, even if you don't agree. :)
The OP tried to point out what she thought was wrong, in what she thought was a most humble manner, so as not to offend anyone's prickly sensibilities. Then she is talked about behind her back and shunned. Now we have the implication being suggested that she set out to be a martyr.
Wait a minute now before you get too upset over people on this board shunning the poor OP. First, the OP asked for comment on the "story" that was posted. Look at the original post it is there. When one asks for comments one must be willing to accept all comments -- even the ones that don't make the asker feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And wasn't that what the whole post was really all about anyway? I mean wasn't the post about people NOT being able to take constructive criticism? So, supposedly it is OK for the OP to post their views on the way things "should" be, but it is not OK for others to respond with their views. There, my friends, is the problem with American culture, maybe World culture, summed up in a nice concise package. Simply put it states: "I have the right to my opinion, to believe what I want, and to make myself feel good. You, however, have no right to comment on my views if they offend me, if they offer an opposing view to my "reality", or even if they answer my questions in anyway other than reaffirming that I am one-hundred percent right."
Sorry, but I just don't see how responding with your own views, as requested by the OP, is some how talking about them "behind [their] back".
I also will add that compassion is not always the "motherly myth" we seem
To try to tie nursing into; compassion may involve pure HONESTY, logic perhaps.
I would go a step further and say that to apply this "motherly myth" for the sake of making the other person feel better is not only inappropriate it is actually hurtful. Would it be "compassionate" to tell a person standing at the top of a skyscraper preparing to jump and see if they can fly to go ahead and jump I believe in you? Of course not! This would be wrong. The same goes with less extreme examples such as that posited by the OP in this thread.
I can't really relate to the OP because I don't think I was ever delusional about my role in society or as a nurse. People that make big differences rarely just walk in and say, "Tada!!!! I'm here guys!!! What you've been waiting for! Now listen to how I'm going to make your life better......"
It just doesn't happen, and that grade school, fairy tale mentality I think is what disillusions so many young nurses and leaves them disgruntled and unhappy in their career within 5 years of getting into it.
Change, in the real world, is almost ALWAYS a process. When you're dealing with groups of people or established systems it takes time and consideration of a plethora of different factors and opinions. It takes patience and careful consideration of how to go about making the desired change.
I feel sorry for the person in the story (sorry if it's you, OP) because they went into nursing disillusioned, and are likely disillusioned about other aspects of their life too.
It might have helped the discussion if the OP had given the reason the protagonist of the "story" was compelled to speak up. What was the concern/issue/etc. she hoped to address? The ensuing discussion would have been more based in reality and on the way the cultures of our respective units have dealt with those situations with new nurses.
I still get the perception that shunning and backstabbing are considered okay and even compassionate and the appropriate response, because the newcomer was so grossly out of line in trying to address a matter of concern related to, presumably, patient care or unit procedures. If I have taken the wrong message from some of the comments above, please enlighten me. (I can take it.) Thanks.
BrandonLPN, LPN
3,358 Posts
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "don't make waves" It's wise to pick your battles.
I think some people are more in love with the idea of being martyred for a cause then they ever were with the cause itself.