The Night The Fire Died

[The_Optimist]

You had such high hopes, truly you did. You were going to be such a difference in your nursing world. You had such wonderful examples (Florence Nightingale et al) to base your aspirations and model your path. The excitement was barely contained in you; you were brimming with it.

There were moments in Nursing school, that you felt you, just couldn't do it, but you braced yourself and ploughed on, until you came to that special day after you passed your NCLEX exam and officially became a Nurse. God be praised! You had done it, a full fledged nurse you had become.

The next part was finding that job that you so desperately wanted to make a difference in, that Johnson commercial you had seen about becoming the difference, yes, yes, it was close at hand. And then you got that first job, how happy you were; tears of joy streaming down your face, your smile as bright as sunshine, your spirit soaring in happiness, nothing could quell this feeling. It was your moment. And what a glorious moment it was!

You loved your job so very much; everyone was warm and welcoming. And you were determined to make that difference. But wait! You noticed some startling occurrences that who knows, may very easily have been rectified, or due to the busyness of the unit, had possibly been overlooked. So in the most polite and non-threatening way possible, you offer a suggestion very placatingly. In as much as you had the ear of your supervisor and colleagues, you still did not want your words misconstrued or feathers ruffled. Plus, it was an assignment you would willingly volunteer for and offered to. How wrong you were...

That was when the change began.

It was subtle at first and you couldn't be sure, if your gut feelings were right or playing tricks on you, so subtle it was. You heard snippets of conversation that were swiftly concluded when you came within hearing distance or even sight. But again, you were so unsure. You started wondering if your mind was making things up or if there truly was a slow ganging up against you. Until that one night you stepped into the break room and there was a sudden stop in the conversation, there was eye contact made with you and as one, the group looked away; the tension was palpable.

And then you knew.

Inasmuch as you had tried to offer your suggestion with the best intent and the best way possible, it had been misconstrued. Somehow, you had overstepped your boundaries. And it didn't get any better from that night-no, it was a swift steady decline from then on. It never got better and you never recovered from it. Like a moth, you had flown too close to the flames and got burned. The next job you got, you forgot all about making a difference, you wanted no repetition of the previous occurrence. You did not have any fight left in you.

It is you, I see every time I stop by your unit, smiling wanly and being unobtrusive. You follow the crowd and forget about making a difference.Your thoughts, "It.Just.Is.Not.Worth.It".

Signed,

Anonymous

This is purely fictional...or is it? Please read and critique.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I would go a step further and say that to apply this "motherly myth" for the sake of making the other person feel better is not only inappropriate it is actually hurtful. Would it be "compassionate" to tell a person standing at the top of a skyscraper preparing to jump and see if they can fly to go ahead and jump I believe in you? Of course not! This would be wrong. The same goes with less extreme examples such as that posited by the OP in this thread.

^^^THIS...agreed.

Back to my point of perception...

Sometimes the truth can seem "hurtful", yet essential for one to grow...there are people with personalities, absolutely, some are truly out there, but not everyone who is providing essential information to improve your practice is not "breaking your spirit"; they are actually helping you to guide you to change course for you to provide better care.

The reality is: do you want to be a competent EXPERT nurse???

Sometimes you have to rely in your historians in your workplace to provide the groundwork, then figure out your own critical thinking within your novice practice, and go from there...once you move from the novice stage, and gain more competence, you can start looking at how things can be better; what can the TEAM, the unit can do better, especially if there are things that the unit itself think can be done better...while building to be a competent nurse.

As another poster said, you don't glide into a unit (paraphrasing) Mary Poppins and Fairy Godmother style; ...you learn, ask questions, find your resources, and get to work...network within your team as to how they view their own practice and their work; reflect how you want to view your practice; and go from there. Artful communication is key.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I can't really relate to the OP because I don't think I was ever delusional about my role in society or as a nurse. People that make big differences rarely just walk in and say, "Tada!!!! I'm here guys!!! What you've been waiting for! Now listen to how I'm going to make your life better......"

It just doesn't happen, and that grade school, fairy tale mentality I think is what disillusions so many young nurses and leaves them disgruntled and unhappy in their career within 5 years of getting into it.

Change, in the real world, is almost ALWAYS a process. When you're dealing with groups of people or established systems it takes time and consideration of a plethora of different factors and opinions. It takes patience and careful consideration of how to go about making the desired change.

I feel sorry for the person in the story (sorry if it's you, OP) because they went into nursing disillusioned, and are likely disillusioned about other aspects of their life too.

^THIS...as well.

[Flatlander]

Wait a minute now before you get too upset over people on this board shunning the poor OP. First, the OP asked for comment on the "story" that was posted. Look at the original post it is there. When one asks for comments one must be willing to accept all comments -- even the ones that don't make the asker feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And wasn't that what the whole post was really all about anyway? I mean wasn't the post about people NOT being able to take constructive criticism? So, supposedly it is OK for the OP to post their views on the way things "should" be, but it is not OK for others to respond with their views. There, my friends, is the problem with American culture, maybe World culture, summed up in a nice concise package. Simply put it states: "I have the right to my opinion, to believe what I want, and to make myself feel good. You, however, have no right to comment on my views if they offend me, if they offer an opposing view to my "reality", or even if they answer my questions in anyway other than reaffirming that I am one-hundred percent right."

Sorry, but I just don't see how responding with your own views, as requested by the OP, is some how talking about them "behind [their] back".

As always my two cents worth . . .

So sorry. I thought you were defending the way the nurses in the story reacted to the new nurse pointing out a potential error. I still believe the behavior she described toward her protagonist from the other nurses is indefensible and I will never be persuaded otherwise. It seems the argument is being twisted and tortured to prove the point, that it is okay to shun and bully a new nurse who had the temerity to raise a concern on the unit. Instead of shunning and back-biting, why not try the honesty and logic suggested above and leave the school-yard antics behind. Simply state to the newcomer that you feel she should wait until she's been there awhile before she begins to suggest changes to unit procedures, if that is what you believe. You can cite all of the reasons that were given above (the culture is slow to change; people do not take kindly to suggestions like this from newcomers, etc.) Perhaps other experienced (more mature) nurses can share how they have used decency and critical thinking with new nurses to deal with the overzealous reformer (if that is indeed what the OP described her new nurse to be.)

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

Simply state to the newcomer that you feel she should wait until she's been there awhile before she begins to suggest changes to unit procedures, if that is what you believe.

My approach to any new job situation, be it a line position, supervisory and now upper management, is to first get the lay of the land, observe what is going on and absorb the dynamics, be they personal, interpersonal or procedures, before making any suggestions or changes. If someone new comes in and immediately starts recommending change - especially someone new in the profession - the unspoken suggestion is "You're doing it wrong, and I know better than you how to fix it." Resentment naturally follows. Establish working relationships and gain some credibility first.

[Flatlander]

My approach to any new job situation, be it a line position, supervisory and now upper management, is to first get the lay of the land, observe what is going on and absorb the dynamics, be they personal, interpersonal or procedures, before making any suggestions or changes. If someone new comes in and immediately starts recommending change - especially someone new in the profession - the unspoken suggestion is "You're doing it wrong, and I know better than you how to fix it." Resentment naturally follows. Establish working relationships and gain some credibility first.

How would you respond to a new staff member who approached staff with a suggestion in the manner described in the original post? What kind of behavior or comments would you offer the new staff, knowing that he/she had ruffled coworker feathers despite her expressed intent not to do so? Would you sit silently by or participate in the shunning and back-stabbing, to the point that the new staff was completely cowed and ostracized? This is what concerns me and that I really want to know. I am well aware of how to use the approach above to get the lay of the land, and am well aware of the causes of resentment. What I don't know is what mature, professional nurses do when confronted by a newcomer's recommending change. All we've been offered here so far is more of the same. (Make them feel like ...expletive deleted...because they deserve it and they will learn their lesson. See the original post for how that makes a new nurse feel; then stack that up against your standards for compassion and caring.)

[ccso962]

So sorry. I thought you were defending the way the nurses in the story reacted to the new nurse pointing out a potential error. I still believe the behavior she described toward her protagonist from the other nurses is indefensible and I will never be persuaded otherwise. It seems the argument is being twisted and tortured to prove the point, that it is okay to shun and bully a new nurse who had the temerity to raise a concern on the unit. Instead of shunning and back-biting, why not try the honesty and logic suggested above and leave the school-yard antics behind. Simply state to the newcomer that you feel she should wait until she's been there awhile before she begins to suggest changes to unit procedures, if that is what you believe. You can cite all of the reasons that were given above (the culture is slow to change; people do not take kindly to suggestions like this from newcomers, etc.) Perhaps other experienced (more mature) nurses can share how they have used decency and critical thinking with new nurses to deal with the overzealous reformer (if that is indeed what the OP described her new nurse to be.)

And it is entirely possible also that I just completely misunderstood what exactly you were making comment to as well, so since that appears to be the case then I apologize.

That said, I still firmly believe that there has to be an understanding, new professional or old, that change does not have to be about recognition. That is why I believe that if the change had been intended for the correct reasons then you just don't up and give up. In fact, I find very little in history where a person made substantial change, for the good or the bad, by folding under criticism or a lack of acceptance on their proposal the first time out. That is why I say that you can't rely on this feeling of "the fire" to base your decisions on in a career in the first place, and especially not if the changes you feel are needed are really truly needed. Maybe this all just seems like rambling or shunning behavior, but I do not intend for it to be. As others have said we sometimes have to pick and choose our battles and this involves not only which ones to fight but also how to approach the fight in the first place. Sometimes this might even mean that you have to understand the "enemy" a little more before you attack. I also think that is what some others were trying to say.

[ccso962]

How would you respond to a new staff member who approached staff with a suggestion in the manner described in the original post? What kind of behavior or comments would you offer the new staff, knowing that he/she had ruffled coworker feathers despite her expressed intent not to do so? Would you sit silently by or participate in the shunning and back-stabbing, to the point that the new staff was completely cowed and ostracized? This is what concerns me and that I really want to know. I am well aware of how to use the approach above to get the lay of the land, and am well aware of the causes of resentment. What I don't know is what mature, professional nurses do when confronted by a newcomer's recommending change. All we've been offered here so far is more of the same. (Make them feel like ...expletive deleted...because they deserve it and they will learn their lesson. See the original post for how that makes a new nurse feel; then stack that up against your standards for compassion and caring.)

I don't know that I agree that everyone who has not taken the "pat em on the back and smile" approach is conversely wishing to making them feel like anything bad (or expletive as you say). I know that has not been my intention. I have a saying that goes like this "the truth is truth nothing more nothing less". That has been my motto in many situations in jobs. This has not always made me the most liked person on the job, but my coworkers have all known that they don't ask for my honest opinion on something if they don't want it. So, in this case the truth is that someone who walks in off the streets and starts pointing out areas for change creates a negative vibe around themselves in many people's minds. This does not mean that the newcomer needs to just go along with something that they feel is wrong just for the sake of going along, but it does mean that they should be prepared to get lip back if they start pointing out all the "wrongs" they see. For what its worth I would never condone a coworker shunning or backstabbing any other coworker, new or not, because they disagreed with them. Likewise, I can't really stop a coworker from doing those things.

As I have said before, for me it all seems to ride on this idea that you are supposed to make a suggestion, get a bad reception to said suggestion, and then loose the fire and have to question your choice of career. Also if the newbie can't handle criticism from the coworkers how are they going to handle a patient that flat out tells them where to put it when they are suggesting the "right treatment" for them? I guess what I am saying is that people can and will say whatever they want to to you, but you have the choice to let what they say ruin your career or not. Maybe I am just trying to make it too simplistic or something . . .

[ccso962]

Sometimes you have to rely in your historians in your workplace to provide the groundwork, then figure out your own critical thinking within your novice practice, and go from there...once you move from the novice stage, and gain more competence, you can start looking at how things can be better; what can the TEAM, the unit can do better, especially if there are things that the unit itself think can be done better...while building to be a competent nurse.

As another poster said, you don't glide into a unit (paraphrasing) Mary Poppins and Fairy Godmother style; ...you learn, ask questions, find your resources, and get to work...network within your team as to how they view their own practice and their work; reflect how you want to view your practice; and go from there. Artful communication is key.

I used to work as a 911 Emergency Communications Officer. At one place I worked there was a man who always liked to take the newbies "under his wing". What he really wanted to do was mostly tell them who and what was wrong with the place. If he ever got the hook in deep enough though to get them to agree with him then he turned on them like a rabid dog. I was advised to be leary of the man when I was a newbie there, but I had already kind of picked up on this myself during our first meeting (he had made a comment that "I am sure you will quickly see there is room for improvement here"). Sadly, some would not heed the warning (and for reasons unbeknowest to lowly little me he was allowed to stay employed there -- always felt this had a lot to do with the union but I could be wrong). So, what ended up happening is some new person would, with his leading, make a suggestion of how to fix a problem (maybe it was even a really good suggestion), and then this man would lead the charge to point out "they just started here and they already think they know better how to do things than those of us that have been here for years". Of course he didn't do this to their face, but he lived for the drama. He created problems to relish in them. Had the person simply, as you suggest, taken some time to learn the dynamics of the place they would have quickly learned which supervisor was the most receptive to new ideas, which team members were not the best to share secrets with, etc. As it was, warnings or not, many walked themselves right into a label they could have done best without.