The Night The Fire Died

[The_Optimist]

You had such high hopes, truly you did. You were going to be such a difference in your nursing world. You had such wonderful examples (Florence Nightingale et al) to base your aspirations and model your path. The excitement was barely contained in you; you were brimming with it.

There were moments in Nursing school, that you felt you, just couldn't do it, but you braced yourself and ploughed on, until you came to that special day after you passed your NCLEX exam and officially became a Nurse. God be praised! You had done it, a full fledged nurse you had become.

The next part was finding that job that you so desperately wanted to make a difference in, that Johnson commercial you had seen about becoming the difference, yes, yes, it was close at hand. And then you got that first job, how happy you were; tears of joy streaming down your face, your smile as bright as sunshine, your spirit soaring in happiness, nothing could quell this feeling. It was your moment. And what a glorious moment it was!

You loved your job so very much; everyone was warm and welcoming. And you were determined to make that difference. But wait! You noticed some startling occurrences that who knows, may very easily have been rectified, or due to the busyness of the unit, had possibly been overlooked. So in the most polite and non-threatening way possible, you offer a suggestion very placatingly. In as much as you had the ear of your supervisor and colleagues, you still did not want your words misconstrued or feathers ruffled. Plus, it was an assignment you would willingly volunteer for and offered to. How wrong you were...

That was when the change began.

It was subtle at first and you couldn't be sure, if your gut feelings were right or playing tricks on you, so subtle it was. You heard snippets of conversation that were swiftly concluded when you came within hearing distance or even sight. But again, you were so unsure. You started wondering if your mind was making things up or if there truly was a slow ganging up against you. Until that one night you stepped into the break room and there was a sudden stop in the conversation, there was eye contact made with you and as one, the group looked away; the tension was palpable.

And then you knew.

Inasmuch as you had tried to offer your suggestion with the best intent and the best way possible, it had been misconstrued. Somehow, you had overstepped your boundaries. And it didn't get any better from that night-no, it was a swift steady decline from then on. It never got better and you never recovered from it. Like a moth, you had flown too close to the flames and got burned. The next job you got, you forgot all about making a difference, you wanted no repetition of the previous occurrence. You did not have any fight left in you.

It is you, I see every time I stop by your unit, smiling wanly and being unobtrusive. You follow the crowd and forget about making a difference.Your thoughts, "It.Just.Is.Not.Worth.It".

Signed,

Anonymous

This is purely fictional...or is it? Please read and critique.

[YogaRN2703]

IMO and please take this for what it is, just my opinion, a lot of us have been on the other side of this scenario with new hires. In my last job we had three new (to the hospital, not nursing) come onto our unit and proceed to tell everyone how our hospital sucked, beginning in orientation, and how after a brief period of time our unit sucked, too. Now, it's possible that these people had a point, but the thing is, the manner in which the message was delivered was extremely tactless. Sure, speak out if there are patient safety issues, safety issues in general, lack of professionalism, etc, but just sweeping generalizations will get you no friends and the shunning of your life. As I said, just my opinion.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Grn Tea.. we have been around along enough to make waves. In the current economic situation/corporate greed.. the writer was doing what she needed to survive .

Agree and empathize with the poster.

[Blue Roses]

I love this writing piece. Makes me want to start writing again.

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

Part of the problem is that there is a great temptation on the part of some new graduates to try to "make a mark", and all too often they set out to "correct" what they see as not the textbook way of doing this or that. One thing that served me very well (and being the son of a career RN, I had an edge on knowing how things were perceived) was to set out to learn as much as I could from the veteran nurses on the floor instead of telling them that what they were doing was not the way I learned it.

When I was in school, during the last half of my last clinical rotation I was paired with a veteran nurse. She had been everywhere, done everything, and she was more than a little cantankerous. When my clinical instructor found out that she was my assignment, she asked me if I wanted to be reassigned. I told her no, because I would have to work with difficult people on the floor in the workplace, plus this nurse knew more about the unit and the procedures going on than anyone else on the unit. I could learn a lot by following her. I told her that I wanted to do and see everything I could get my hands on. I asked her questions and let her teach. Soon her aggravation began to fade. Being a long-time veteran she really wasn't sure about the intrusion of males into her profession either. My instructor came to me at the end of my rotation and she told me that I had gotten a glowing review from this nurse with legendary abrasiveness. I considered it a supreme compliment coming from someone with such high personal standards. I hope that I have lived up to it.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

Part of the problem is that there is a great temptation on the part of some new graduates to try to "make a mark", and all too often they set out to "correct" what they see as not the textbook way of doing this or that. One thing that served me very well (and being the son of a career RN, I had an edge on knowing how things were perceived) was to set out to learn as much as I could from the veteran nurses on the floor instead of telling them that what they were doing was not the way I learned it.

When I was in school, during the last half of my last clinical rotation I was paired with a veteran nurse. She had been everywhere, done everything, and she was more than a little cantankerous. When my clinical instructor found out that she was my assignment, she asked me if I wanted to be reassigned. I told her no, because I would have to work with difficult people on the floor in the workplace, plus this nurse knew more about the unit and the procedures going on than anyone else on the unit. I could learn a lot by following her. I told her that I wanted to do and see everything I could get my hands on. I asked her questions and let her teach. Soon her aggravation began to fade. Being a long-time veteran she really wasn't sure about the intrusion of males into her profession either. My instructor came to me at the end of my rotation and she told me that I had gotten a glowing review from this nurse with legendary abrasiveness. I considered it a supreme compliment coming from someone with such high personal standards. I hope that I have lived up to it.

Great example, Orca.

I have never experience the "fire dousing" that the OP has spoken about...sometimes it is internal rather than external, and sometimes we have to soul search to realize what it is, at least I did.

I always committed to be myself; some places are not a good fit at a certain point in one's career either.

How do I know?? I wasn't a "good fit" at one place due to my previous experience and my questions in transitioning; yet, I am at another job which welcomes it...both orgs are known to have a great educational base; although the former is still struggling more than the latter; I still am experiencing a better reception in shaping my career.

I say to the OP; once you find your niche in how YOU want to shape your career, everything else falls into place; I was a new grad LPN and a new grad now new RN...once I got my hackles down on being new again, and got back to that adage, it got better...and you have that power. :)

[Flatlander]

Somewhere in the I Ching, I remember reading an excellent piece of advice on how to gracefully behave as a newcomer. It was basically an echo of what the OP finally concluded was most appropriate. I also learned in a 12 step program that a newcomer should take the cotton out of their ears and put it in their mouth. A rather blunt expression of the same idea. I have no trouble accepting these opinions, and showing respect and deference to those more experienced. What does trouble me is that no one here seems to object to the shunning and behind-the-back criticism of the offending newcomer. These more experienced nurses, in their wisdom, should find a more appropriate and mature way to correct the newcomer in her infraction of the unit mores. If they are so aware of the tendency on the part of new nurses to step into the stew like this, they should be able to easily and kindly set her or him straight. IMHO.

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

I can relate to a point. Yes, I was that bright-eyed new grad (15 years ago) that got burned... oh so badly in my very first job. And that was not the only time. And I learned the hard way that nurses eat their young and their own.

But: I never lost that idealism. The fire never burned out!

And it never will.

You just need to find the right setting and reach a certain point (age? wisdom? maturity?) where you won't let it get to your (anymore).

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

What does trouble me is that no one here seems to object to the shunning and behind-the-back criticism of the offending newcomer.

Sometimes it's the newcomer that shuns the experienced...food for thought.

No objection here...my point is PERCEPTION.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

People get to adulthood without learning this lesson? Keep your mouth shut until you understand the dynamic and even then be prepared for waves. Not everyone can handle the waves either......

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

shunning ........ so what...... I go in, do my job, (don't care who the coworkers talk about , after all it is their right to do so, ) keep my mouth shut and go on. That is the key to longevity. It is sad but you have to decide what is worth being a martyr for. A policy may be stupid but I have observed that even if most nurses complain, management ignores the complaineds and you just get labeled as a complainer etc....... flying under the radar works best for some. ( who can blame them or say that is not the safe option)

setumes ypu have to speak up for pt saftey. if that means the group ignores you.... who cares? . How can an adult not expect the mob memtality ? Either Am cynical or there is a lot of naivety...

[mildlycodependentrn]

Nursing in the south is the most evil job with the most evil people in charge. Women would rather hire men or pretty young women. They take great delight in destroying other people just for fun. Nurses make me sick to my stomach. The mean girls from high school are in charge and they make sure they sit on their butts while the people they don't like kill themselves. They let the doctors particularly the male doctors treat the nurses like garbage I have never seen such a hostile work environment and the patients are aloud to say anything be insulting manipulate lie you name it. I have worked in a lot of customer service areas and there was always a limit to how most of the customers could treat you. Maybe the really rich could treat you bad but not everyone. The nurse is supposed to stand there and take what ever treatment everyone hands out and smile. Well we aren't your mothers and we aren't your wives or your daughters. We are professionals and deserve some respect. I definitely understand why so many nurses abuse substances. It is the only way to survive all the ****. Anyone with a brain runs!

[mildlycodependentrn]

Mean girls enjoy being mean.