Blue Roses

Oh god that's worse than mine.. You actually saw it happen. That's completely terrifying; the thought of watching it and not being able to do anything. Thank you for sharing.. If you ever want to pm me too please feel free.

I've seen an outside counselor before; I might go back for more help. It also helps that I am blessed with a fantastic support system at home and trusted friends at work.

Jeez. You'd think that given the very nature of the EAP program would help prevent gossip like that. That is unsettling. Anyway, thank you for your kind words.

It's been a few weeks since this happened. I came in a patient's room in the morning to pass meds and found him cool and blue.. With a phone charger cord wrapped around his throat. The code team came ran the code blue but we never got a pulse back. This kind of thing almost never happens on our unit. Suicides, I mean. Codes happen periodically. We're a post acute med surg floor with a focus on rehab. I really thought I was alright, but I'm not so sure now. Obviously I had the shock, sadness, and anger immediately afterwards, but lately I've felt listless and blank. I keep reliving the sights, sounds, smells, etc of the experience. Not vividly like PTSD though. More like a creeping memory in the back of my head. And then last night I dreamt that my younger brother committed suicide by hanging. Has anyone out there had an experience similar to this, and if so, how did you cope with it? I feel silly because it seems kind of wimpy to be feeling this way. I'm a sensitive person but I really thought I had this handled. My employer provided a debriefing and I've been to one EAP appointment since it happened. My brain seems to focus on the sight of the black cord around his neck, the feel of the raw yell in my throat for someone to bring scissors, and the sensation of his clammy skin as I cut the cord away. Things like that. Sensations. Snapshots of moments that left an after-image imprinted on my brain, like the flash of a camera. I didn't know the patient at all. He was a new admit that had just come in the night before.

I find the OP's description of the ICU staff more than a bit judge mental.

Lol!! I'd hate to be the poor soul who responds to that ad!!!!

Amen. I wish I could share this on Facebook. I've tried tentatively in the past to explain my views on assisted suicide but I can't find the right words and I always get shut down. Honestly my support for it is something I've learned to hide or else I get rejected. The OP's words are so true. I wish more people understood.

Last winter the unit I work on had a major noroviris crisis. We have about 40 beds and it ran through the patients like wildfire. About 50% of the bedside care staff caught it. I remember how meticulous I was with hand washing and cleaning everything in sight, but I had one patient with it and that night at 3am I woke up vomiting. Then came fever and diarrhea, in that order. Everybody had it. The unit was being run by a skeleton staff and isolated until it went away. No admissions or discharges. And the staff who was sick was told to stay home.

Sorry to drop in so late in the thread. In reading the replies it seems like death-visions and out of body experiences are very, very common. Now, I haven't been a nurse for long, but I've seen and cared for a good number of dying patients, and I've never ever seen anything like this. People say death is peaceful and beautiful, but almost every single one I've seen the patient died alone, quietly, with no fanfare or sudden reaching out for angels or dead relatives. The only events that were notable was when the patients 'choose' to pass shortly after family members go to get some food or take a break. One gentleman died sitting up in bed with his eyes open and a distressed look on his face... I get chills down my back wondering if he had been awake when he died, and I feel guilty that I wasn't able to be sitting beside him when he went. He was all alone. All my patient death experiences have felt cold and lonely. It's left me jaded and I know that. When people talk about when their grandmother died and she looked so peaceful and it was a transcending experience, I'm like 'what??' I don't get it.

If you have her again and she acts this way, try this: 1) get down on her level; sit on a chair or kneel on the floor, anything so that you're not towering over her making her feel uneasy 2) let your facial expression go soft and try to have a look of genuine concern (don't laugh, it helps to practice in front of a mirror) 3) gently ask her "I noticed that you (enter behavior here) and I wanted to ask if there is anything I've done to offend you, because I care about your feelings". Or something along those lines. And then correct the issue if you can. I'm not an expert on human behavior, but on my unit I've found that you can kind or manipulate their feelings this way. If it doesn't work then it's probably a lost cause anyway so don't take it personally.

When she told you that you should "watch out" it sounds like a borderline threat!!! I would get as far from that place as possible and never look back!

I'm glad I'm not the only one! Reading the article made me feel like I know more about this poor woman than I do about presidential candidates during election season. Too much information!

Am I the only one who feels very uncomfortable reading this article about the Texan nurse who caught Ebola on the job? Or is this ethically ok because of the availability of information these days? http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/ebola-virus-outbreak/who-nina-pham-meet-nurse-who-contracted-ebola-n224726

That exact same thing happened to me in nursing school. It was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me because the doctor doing the circumcisions was my old pediatrician!! My episode was so bad they had to wheel me out... And they made me lay down in the c-section recovery area and eat crackers and drink orange juice. It was awful. I was so embarrassed... More than embarrassed, I was ashamed. I will never work in labor and delivery!! God bless all the wonderful lucky nurses who do. I once entertained the fantasy of working with children and babies but I know now I'm not cut out for it, and I adore my job in adult rehab.

I love your writing style!! Lots of vivid descriptions. Truly I enjoyed reading your thread. I used to work with one of those types. In her case though she was actually a very depressed person. I don't work there anymore but I hope she's doing better.