You gotta remember that some of these parents don't even know how they got pregnant in the first place. Ignorance is still a word. Poor babies (young and old)!!!
Yes - I know. I'm just daily horrified by the apalling ignorance that young women and pre-teens are living in.
Because of developing physical disabilities, I have been forced to leave the OR's and do something less strenuous. My last two years were spent in the L&D dept OR's of a huge metropolitan teaching hospital. The things I saw and heard and dealt with there made me wonder which century we were living in - or they were.
I have since become a doctor's answering service operator, and I get frequent calls from obviously very young teen girls who are trying to reach their OB doctors because the are now 38 or 39 weeks along and they are now having the worst pains they ever felt in their "privates" and their stomachs, some with "water coming out" of them, and they have no idea why, and they are scared to death. Sometimes, Grandma said they should call their doctors about it. But they are totally clueless about why any of this is happening, or what it means. The whole thing makes me very sad, and concerned about the mixed messages and ignorance that is still proliferating among our children, a lot of it coming from the media. There's also a culture of ignorance, selfishness and lack of accountability among too many young men too.
Sadly, they are dooming themselves to lives of poverty and continued ignorance, and it seems to be getting much worse the more time goes on. We as a society have made so much progress in other areas over the last century. Why not here?
Not all teen moms don't rear their babies, but a majority of them drop the babes off at the grandparents. I became an unmarried mom at 17 and finished high school just before I began to show. I lived at home, but my parents would only babysit if I asked ahead and paid them. I took my daughter everywhere. No food stamps, welfare, or anything. I worked and paid for day care. When my daughter was 3 I got married (not to her father, but a man who treated her as his own). We later had 3 more kiddos.
A majority of teen mums (Kiwi version of mom) drop their kids on the grandparents? Really? A majority? So more than half of teen mums rely on their parents to raise their kids? Strange, because as a former teen mum and a friend of many other teen mums, I don't know of any (bar one cousin who is now pregnant at 18) has given their baby to their parents to raise. Help and support, yes, but not full time care. And most parents I know rely on help and support from other people including their parents, not just teens.
As for the ignorance factor, it is my belief that a lot of ignorance stems more from the "it won't happen to me" syndrome that most teens suffer from. Most teens, unless completely sheltered, realise that you get pregnant from having sex. Most will know what sex is. Most will use protection whilst having sex. Of those who don't, most will be thinking "It won't happen to me".
And if pregnant teens are ringing and saying that they are having tummy pains and are leaking fluid, then IMO, their medical caregivers have FAILED in providing adequate information about what is to come.
Specializes in CST in general surgery, LDRs, & podiatry.
Nothing said here that I can see has been aimed at all of any particular group of individuals. No intent to paint a wide swath with a big brush actually exists. I do believe however that there are more than should exist of young teens - male and female - who have not been taught at home about the truth behind sexual activity because their parents were likewise never educated by THEIR parents because THEY were either embarrassed, or ignorant of the facts, or that sort of thing was just never discussed, or any combination of the above. You can't expect people who were never taught themselves by their own parents, and who have never acquired that ability on their own, to know how to talk effectively to their own kids about what is to many such a touchy subject.
It's also a matter of many of the children of children becoming another of several generations into the culture of welfare dependence, and this is all they know, so they continue to proliferate that culture. The concern - not so much judgement - but the concern for, and the fear for these children is that there simply aren't enough resources to go around to educate them in the manner best appropriate on how to identify and avoid the traps of unmarried teen pregnancy and the poverty it engenders. We are all affected by it, either directly or indirectly, and as a society, we all need to take some kind of responsibility for helping to fix it as much as possible.
I have spoken of those of which I am personally aware. But just as not all married parents are great at being parents simply by virtue of marriage, so also not all unmarried teen mothers are ignorant, stupid (be careful of the difference there), welfare dependent, and/or bad parents. Again, the fear and concern is for those lacking even the most basic of information about themselves and their self-worth, their bodies and the biology involved in its function, and the lifelong consequences to themselves, their childen and their families of poor (or absent) decision-making skills.
Care givers may take part of the blame, but just because a young woman calls and says she is the patient of a certain physician and is well towards term does not mean she has been seeing that doctor for prenatal care since just after conception was identified. The young women to whom I refer frequently have no prenatal care or caregiver until very late into their pregnancies, and some not until they arrive at the hospital in advanced labor. This does not give the overburdened caregivers of these youngsters much time to provide a comprehensive course in human female anatomy, physiology and the reproductive process. All those things, in a perfect world, would have already been managed by caring, intelligent parents for the moral and ethical aspects, and thoughtful, not-overburdened teachers in a well-equipped school setting for the biological aspects. But, also in a perfect world, this problem would not exist at all.
Cultural expectations of finishing ones' formal education and establishing oneself in the world of occupation successfully have been fighting against basic biological directives for centuries, and will continue to do so. It's how we guide succeeding generations through it that will end up making the most difference.
I feel very blessed that at the age of 6, my mom, who was in nursing school at the time, gathered all my brothers and sisters, opened up her A&P text book and did her best to teach basic boy/girl anatomy. Now given there's only so much a 6 year old mind can comprehend, but that open line of communication between me and my parents never ended. We had the "where babies come from talk" at an age many parents may feel uncomfortable doing so but I found it extremely beneficial and looking back I'm so thankful they were as open as they were.
They did instill a sense of reverence to the sexual relationship and encouraged us to be absitent until marraige, but they still showed us the facts. Growing up, if I ever had a question about my body I would go to my mom. I did end up saving myself for my spouse and though I may have been "inexperienced" when I got married I definately was not ignorent. My husbands family didn't talk about sex and he learned about most of it through sex ed in school (which it sounds like covered basic anatomy, safe sex instructed as well as encouragement to stay abstinent if possible).
I have 2 little ones know and plan on making sure they're as educated about their bodies as possible from a young age. I also want them to feel like they can come to me with any questions as they grow. I think one of the major disadvantages to society is the lack of communication and caring between parents and their children. If we could fix a lot of those issues I think of a lot problems would be solved. But it's not as easy as it sounds, I know.
That was supposed to say our bodies not videos lol. Stupid smart phone.
I was wondering what that meant, LOL!
One thing I am teaching my children is that sex is not something they have to rush into. If you are going to be careful who you let wear your clothes, eat your food, spend your money, or drive your car, shouldn't you be even that much more careful of who you give your body to? I don't think teaching teens about sex is all about STDs and pregnancy, even though those are two very important things. I think sometimes parents and other adults in the preteen/teen's life forget to tell them about all the emotional baggage that can come with a sexual relationship. Being a teen is hard enough.
Plus these girls who are wanting a baby in order to have someone to love/love them are not thinking about if they have a baby with special needs. They are not thinking about all the complications that can come with pregnancy either (gestational diabetes, extended bedrest, or heck, even the bad, stinky, embarrassing gas).
A majority of teen mums (Kiwi version of mom) drop their kids on the grandparents? Really? A majority? So more than half of teen mums rely on their parents to raise their kids? Strange, because as a former teen mum and a friend of many other teen mums, I don't know of any (bar one cousin who is now pregnant at 18) has given their baby to their parents to raise. Help and support, yes, but not full time care. And most parents I know rely on help and support from other people including their parents, not just teens.
As for the ignorance factor, it is my belief that a lot of ignorance stems more from the "it won't happen to me" syndrome that most teens suffer from. Most teens, unless completely sheltered, realise that you get pregnant from having sex. Most will know what sex is. Most will use protection whilst having sex. Of those who don't, most will be thinking "It won't happen to me".
And if pregnant teens are ringing and saying that they are having tummy pains and are leaking fluid, then IMO, their medical caregivers have FAILED in providing adequate information about what is to come.
Yes, most of the teen moms I have seen (and I have seen a lot) basically dump their kids off on the grandparents. I can't say ALL teens do, but most of the ones I have seen do that. It is not just support and help, grannies get just about completely dumped on.
Specializes in Respiratory, Cardiac, ED, Maternity, Ped.
I strongly agree with this! Yes girls get pregnant young and I do support birth control education but I also support education in parenting. These girls can succeed and we as nurses can be a positive influence!
Plus these girls who are wanting a baby in order to have someone to love/love them are not thinking about if they have a baby with special needs. They are not thinking about all the complications that can come with pregnancy either (gestational diabetes, extended bedrest, or heck, even the bad, stinky, embarrassing gas).
They aren't even being realistic about having a healthy, normal kid. Babies need what they need and want what they want, and they don't care if you're tired or you have a big test the next day or you've spent all of your money or you just need a freaking break! I would venture to guess that the earliest a child can show any kind of attachment is about 9-10 months old when they start clinging to Mama. The earliest they can verbalize it is probably closer to two years. And these are fleeting moments in hours and days and months of wiping bottoms and cleaning up messes and digging in the couch cushions to find enough change to buy milk.
Of course, it's worth it in the long run, but teens who are thinking that the baby is going to love them are not demonstrating long run kind of thinking.
I've seen some truly motivated and dedicated teen moms. I've also seen some who made me fear for their children.
And while we're on the subject of teen parents, what about the young dads. I so wish there were more men in the urban community who would step up and gently, but firmly, take these young men to task and instill in them the importance of being there for their children, even if the relationships with the mamas don't work out.
Dropping off diapers and a couple of cans of formula once in awhile does not a good father make. It's a beginning, but only a beginning. Some don't even do that.
Kiwidanni
55 Posts
A majority of teen mums (Kiwi version of mom) drop their kids on the grandparents? Really? A majority? So more than half of teen mums rely on their parents to raise their kids? Strange, because as a former teen mum and a friend of many other teen mums, I don't know of any (bar one cousin who is now pregnant at 18) has given their baby to their parents to raise. Help and support, yes, but not full time care. And most parents I know rely on help and support from other people including their parents, not just teens.
As for the ignorance factor, it is my belief that a lot of ignorance stems more from the "it won't happen to me" syndrome that most teens suffer from. Most teens, unless completely sheltered, realise that you get pregnant from having sex. Most will know what sex is. Most will use protection whilst having sex. Of those who don't, most will be thinking "It won't happen to me".
And if pregnant teens are ringing and saying that they are having tummy pains and are leaking fluid, then IMO, their medical caregivers have FAILED in providing adequate information about what is to come.