The crazy hits again!

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Feb 18, 2015

Reach out anyway. Your peeps love you regardless.

TXRN2 · Feb 18, 2015

Twoyear: Did something happen to precipitate this feeling? Just curious about that- either way- I know you know what to do- the next right thing, keep moving forward, pamper yourself a little, do something fun & uplifting....take care, sweet girl- this to shall pass!! & you know we are always here for you!! :cool:

nowim clean · Feb 18, 2015

I understand, at least I think I know where you are coming from. I know for me it is still hard to accept when good things happen cause in my mind I don't deserve anything good, but I have to push through that and look at the beauty that God created for me to enjoy, the doors that he created that have been opened for me. Id like to encourage you to continue to take it 1 day at a time 1 step at a time. None of us are promised tomorrow so live today in fullness without regrets and know where you came from and that the only way youll ever go back to that place is if you choose to. Wishing you the best.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Feb 18, 2015

Like anyone that suffers a chronic illness there are days that just get you down. On those days I let myself have a pity party and a good cry. Then I tell myself to knock it off, buck up....it is what it is....on to tomorrow.

((HUGS))

Twoyearnurse · Feb 18, 2015

Well I can to back to nursing, but that's not my path right now. And most certainly what is not best for my sobriety. In the interim I am just trying to make things work financially. I'm looking at around $400/mo for drug screens and it's just, so much. By so much I mean heavy. It's just hard and I feel isolated from family sometimes because they want me to make this glorious return to nursing and though it would relieve the financial hardship of this, it wouldn't be worth the spiritual hardship it could create for me right now. I don't know how to say to them "this is really hard sometimes" and get the support I am craving because they continuously suggest getting a nursing job.

1sttime · Feb 18, 2015

Yes- of course we all have those days.

For all the benefits this has brought me (and there are many)- it is hard and makes one want to cry. Two days ago I was with husband on a very difficult hike, on the way down I said how proud I was of us for being in such a healthy place.... his response was "yes, you are way better than you were 4 years ago...."

Somehow my darkest hour rears its ugly head when I least expect, I feel burdened by the shackles of my past...

Omaapecm, ASN, RN · Feb 20, 2015

Sometimes it's best to take a step back and not only reflect in our past but try and remember what we have to look forward to. Don't know your story but I feel like I can relate to the way your feeling. When I have those feelings I just try and remember that god never gives us more than we can handle. I've used and abused and I know I have the opportunity to make a difference.....so do you. Take your past and paint it into a bright future. I like to think I've been through what I've been through so my kids don't have to. I have become so educated about addiction and it's disease process that I am going to share that and my experiences with anyone who will listen. It really is the best medicine. Do you go to meeting????not only do they help because you learn from others stories but you can teach! all the feelings you have are normal but you can't hold on to any guilt because that can be ones downfall. Breathe and relax and be proud of what you've done!!!!

Twoyearnurse · Feb 20, 2015

Thank you all for the kind responses. I do work a very active program and my sponsor had to remind me the other day that sometimes no matter how thorough of a program you work you will still experience pain. It is just one of those times for me, I am grateful that I have support in the program. I did reach out to my ether yesterday and just carried and he was pretty wonderful. Experience has taught me thus far that I will move beyond this and that it will be okay. So much of the first couple years in sobriety is finding the new normal, probably the most exhaustive part of this whole process.

Omaapecm, ASN, RN · Feb 21, 2015

The new normal is right!! You hit it right on the head!!!! Hang in there and keep working at it.

Twoyearnurse · Feb 22, 2015

Oh yes 1sttime I get that feeling! I have to share a funny not funny story here. This gentleman in a meeting approached me after I spoke once and said "I can not stand when nurses do things like you did" and I half smiled and said "it is terrifying isn't it? We alcoholics addicts are taking care of your loved ones, flying your planes, and preparing your food" and then he said "all I ever did was drive drunk and get caught". I just said "keep coming back". It's lovely when the pains of the past don't feel burdensome and feel like lessons learned.

Things are looking up, I reached out to family and just said "I need you to understand, this is hard" and they were just lovely about it. My dad brought up a nursing job as usual but my mom said "do this thing your way, don't let fear guide you back to nursing". Just the sweetest response I could have gotten and exactly what I needed.

willow14 · Feb 22, 2015

Hi twoyear....boy can I relate to pretty much everything you are saying! I am approaching 1 year of sobriety next month, which is an amazing feeling, but the "heavy" feeling you described returns quite often. I too work a good program and do my best to share and learn at meetings, but I still sometimes feel just by what others think of my past--meaning "how could you have diverted meds???!!?".....I'm sure you get my drift.

That is why I am so thankful for this site and people like you twoyear, who share these feelings that your having because it makes me remember that I am not alone and that others here TRULY understand what I am going through.

I guess I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts....it helped me feel not so alone :)

God bless :)