There have been a lot of threads on bullying lately and some of the advice given has been less than ideal. Bullying is world wide (isn't THAT depressing) and is not confined to nursing but if we never action it, it will never go away. The other day I attended a workshop on bullying and I thought I might be able to translate some of that here.
My Aim in starting this thread is to get everyone to participate in a discussion about what exactly is bullying, then we can, together look at ways to stop it. Throughout the thread I will add links to websites such as http://www.workplacebullying.co.uk/
So that this can become a resource for all of us.
What is Bullying??
Bullies rarely see themselves in that role and sometimes what you think is an innocent action can be seen by another person as bullying. Below I have listed some statements/behaviours that may or may not constitute bullying.( You can add your own if you like;)) Have a look through them and decide if they are bullying or not - there are no real wrong answers - the idea is to have some fun. You don't have to answer all of these - you can pick out those you feel comfortable answering.
A) Do you ALWAYS leave that monitor off?
B) making eye contact with someone
C) The reason why we do that this way is............
D) Standing with your arms crossed while talking to someone else
E) Making personal comments about how someone walks
F) Standing with hands on hips while talking to someone
G) Pointing your finger at another person
H) "A lot of people here don't like how you work"
I) "Did you realise that it is policy here that we do things X way and not Y way"
J) "The other day you left things in a mess - you didn't date your fluid chart, you didn't put a time on that entry, you didn't fill in this form completely you didn'twash your coffee cup, you didn't tidy up. you didn't write in this book you didn't..............."
IMO - a single act of a bullying-type behavior does not a bully make. I think that, in general and in all areas of life, people tend to see others in one particular way. For example, when we are at work, others see us strictly as nurses/bosses/managers/aids or whatever. I think that it is most important that we all realize that we all are people/individuals/sisters/brothers/parents/children/sibling/etc BEFORE we are any of the above. A co-worker might complain about how some things were left undone or make an off-handed comment that might be taken in a bullying way but in actuality just be really having a super lousy day because of some unknown event in their personal life. In my book, if it happens just once, no big deal. If I see a general trend that is when I take a more firm stance and stick up for myself.
Back in the mid 90's had a fellow nurse literally yell and scream at me while shagging her finger at me and actually spittling in my face because she was so upset. That, I thought, was out and out aggressive behavior. I felt bad after reporting her (we had a zero tolerance for violence policy) and finding out later that she had just found out that her sister had just been dx'd w/ uterine cancer and was not likely going to survive.
Another thought...(and then I will hush up...lol)...I think that we need to be careful not to become bullies ourselves when dealing w/ bullies. I see many people become very very passive-aggressive when dealing w/ bullies. To me, that is just as bad as the original bully hence, perpetuating the problem.
(Geez, I hope all of this makes sense. Messed up my back tonight at work and am currently on drugs )
I'm not sure whether seeking advice is really appropriate to this thread, but I have a situation that kind of relates to what we've discussed. A nurse I work with teases me occassionally about my obesity. As is often the case with teasing, I'd have to say she enjoys it more than I do, but truthfully, it doesn't bother me all that much. I've been teased about my weight as long as I can remember, but I learned long ago not to let that define me. (If anything, I might have a bit too much self-esteem.) I am trying to lose weight and fully intend to get more serious about it, now that I'm out of school, but the perceptions of others is far down my list of reasons to do so.
With apologies to Gwenith, my preferred course in this would probably be just to ignore it. In general, I get along with this nurse well, and I kind of think she means it to be friendly. The trouble is, she made a couple of remarks not too long ago in front of another nurse, who felt obliged to come to my defense. The thing is, Nurse A's comments could be interpreted as creating a hostile work environment, and even if I don't complain, Nurse B has a right to (she is also somewhat overweight). So there's a potential for some serious friction between two nurses I like over something that, to me, isn't worth the fuss. I feel like I may be forced to calmly and assertively confront Nurse A, even though I'd rather just let this evaporate on its own.
Specializes in Telemetry, ICU, Resource Pool, Dialysis.
nursemike - I had to respond to your post. There have been situations similar to yours at my workplace. Not involving me, but several of my co-workers. There used to be a lot of friendly teasing, involving accents, hometowns, etc...Some of the people involved dropped subtle hints that they no longer appreciated the teasing. The teasers didn't pick up on the hints, and it continued. Finally, it came to a head on more than one occasion leading to very angry words being exchanged on the unit. And some very bad feelings all around.
What I'm saying is, people who continually tease people about their bodies, accents and other personal things like habits usually don't have the social skills to recognize subtlety. If you want it to stop, because believe me it will continue, you must take this person aside, or even write a letter to them, and let them know in no uncertain terms that the comments need to stop.
Some things, like being b****y at report, gossip, etc...I feel can be ignored. But personal attacks, whether they are intended to hurt or not, need to be confronted before it becomes out of control. I think there will come a day when you will have had enough. You, like billions of others, have probably been struggling to lose weight for years. Everytime this other person mentions your weight, it highlights your "failure." Just because you have "learned" not to let it bother you, doesn't make it any less hurtful, to you or people who hear the comments made to you.
nursemike - I had to respond to your post. There have been situations similar to yours at my workplace. Not involving me, but several of my co-workers. There used to be a lot of friendly teasing, involving accents, hometowns, etc...Some of the people involved dropped subtle hints that they no longer appreciated the teasing. The teasers didn't pick up on the hints, and it continued. Finally, it came to a head on more than one occasion leading to very angry words being exchanged on the unit. And some very bad feelings all around.
What I'm saying is, people who continually tease people about their bodies, accents and other personal things like habits usually don't have the social skills to recognize subtlety. If you want it to stop, because believe me it will continue, you must take this person aside, or even write a letter to them, and let them know in no uncertain terms that the comments need to stop.
Some things, like being b****y at report, gossip, etc...I feel can be ignored. But personal attacks, whether they are intended to hurt or not, need to be confronted before it becomes out of control. I think there will come a day when you will have had enough. You, like billions of others, have probably been struggling to lose weight for years. Everytime this other person mentions your weight, it highlights your "failure." Just because you have "learned" not to let it bother you, doesn't make it any less hurtful, to you or people who hear the comments made to you.
Thanks for the advice. I suppose I knew you were right before I asked, but, honestly, I just don't feel that bad about it. I was sorely tempted to explain to Nurse B that the subtle message underlying the comments was that Nurse A wants me, and that, in fact, the subtle, underlying message when any woman says anything to me is that she wants me, but an even more demented side of me wishes I could just burst into tears on demand. But, crap, I suppose I ought to be mature about it. Shoot.
Specializes in Telemetry, ICU, Resource Pool, Dialysis.
I was sorely tempted to explain to Nurse B that the subtle message underlying the comments was that Nurse A wants me, and that, in fact, the subtle, underlying message when any woman says anything to me is that she wants me, but an even more demented side of me wishes I could just burst into tears on demand. But, crap, I suppose I ought to be mature about it. Shoot.
Well, I don't know about boys, but us girls were always told that "If a boy teases you, it means he likes you....teeehhheeehee" So...you may be right!!!
Bursting into tears is a very effective tactic...use it wisely!!
Thanks for the advice. I suppose I knew you were right before I asked, but, honestly, I just don't feel that bad about it. I was sorely tempted to explain to Nurse B that the subtle message underlying the comments was that Nurse A wants me, and that, in fact, the subtle, underlying message when any woman says anything to me is that she wants me, but an even more demented side of me wishes I could just burst into tears on demand. But, crap, I suppose I ought to be mature about it. Shoot.
How about eyerolling?
Nursemike -- there is no such thing as 'too much self-esteem' when it comes to these situations, or nursing in general. Keep up the 'self-esteem'; I need to borrow some!
Is there anyone reading this thread who has not experienced bullying/harassment in the workplace? I'm 'fluffy', and I do not appreciate the comments, looks, etc., about my weight, and I feel that this consititutes a hostile work environment. Besides, is my body anyone else's business?
The following is my opinion, and my experience. I don't want to bash ADN programs, but this might do just that!
Why do nurses have to behave this way? Why is 'professionalism' NOT drilled into nursing students in every course, clinical and patient encounter during school? While I was in school, an ADN program, there was one clinical instructor who stressed the need for professionalism and peer support. One. Just. One. The rest were more concerned with care maps and care plans.
ADN programs can graduate some students to be RN's before they can legally drink. They are still minors, yet can give an IV narcotic. The ADN program I graduated from, as a non-traditional student, did not stress maturity or the need for professionalism, peer support, positive peer encounters.
We took a class that taught the history of nursing and FN and about the Crimean War. We talked about is nursing a 'professional' job or a 'trade' job. We talked about LPN's vs. RN's and the what is included in the nurse practice act at each level of practice. I didn't feel then that taught the appropriate social skills to be effective at peer support, and it certainly didn't touch on the need to supress the urge to belittle someone.
We never focused on management -- that is the job of the BSN, not the ADN RN. But management -- of your emotions, of your experiences, of your beliefs -- is what makes you mature. Control. Responsiblity. Accountability. Teamwork. Integrity. You either have these things, or you don't.
The knowledge that you can say 'I don't know' or "I've made a mistake" and you will not hung out to dry for it.
IMHO, you are by your nature a bully or not. Our psych rotation talked to us about 'insight' into why we become nurses -- do we need to be needed, and is that our motivation? I think that if you're a bully, or a harasser, or someone who is so insecure about their job skills/life experiences, you aren't reading this thread.
Did your course also offer information on how to tactifully deal with a bully who also happens to be your supervisor??? Or does anyone else have info on how they have or would handle the situation?
Did your course also offer information on how to tactifully deal with a bully who also happens to be your supervisor??? Or does anyone else have info on how they have or would handle the situation?
Run? Run far and fast? Is that an option for you?
I don't think that handling snarky supervisors is something you can do without a lot of patience, experience and support from co-workers.
I'd just like to know why some nurses feel the need to be so darned nasty to the newcomers. This is a great thread and hopefully we'll get some progress made.
In my opinion, in any environment, bullying is a part of life. It is like any other human behavior, it is natural. That doesn't mean one has to be passive or run away from it but it will never go away. You see bullying in everything from government to religion to education to overall life in general. There will always be dominant and passive people. Life is not and never will be "FAIR", besides life is only temporary, don't take it so seriously, make it work for you and don't let it work you :)
Nursemike -- there is no such thing as 'too much self-esteem' when it comes to these situations, or nursing in general. Keep up the 'self-esteem'; I need to borrow some!
Is there anyone reading this thread who has not experienced bullying/harassment in the workplace? I'm 'fluffy', and I do not appreciate the comments, looks, etc., about my weight, and I feel that this consititutes a hostile work environment. Besides, is my body anyone else's business?
The following is my opinion, and my experience. I don't want to bash ADN programs, but this might do just that!
Why do nurses have to behave this way? Why is 'professionalism' NOT drilled into nursing students in every course, clinical and patient encounter during school? While I was in school, an ADN program, there was one clinical instructor who stressed the need for professionalism and peer support. One. Just. One. The rest were more concerned with care maps and care plans.
ADN programs can graduate some students to be RN's before they can legally drink. They are still minors, yet can give an IV narcotic. The ADN program I graduated from, as a non-traditional student, did not stress maturity or the need for professionalism, peer support, positive peer encounters.
We took a class that taught the history of nursing and FN and about the Crimean War. We talked about is nursing a 'professional' job or a 'trade' job. We talked about LPN's vs. RN's and the what is included in the nurse practice act at each level of practice. I didn't feel then that taught the appropriate social skills to be effective at peer support, and it certainly didn't touch on the need to supress the urge to belittle someone.
We never focused on management -- that is the job of the BSN, not the ADN RN. But management -- of your emotions, of your experiences, of your beliefs -- is what makes you mature. Control. Responsiblity. Accountability. Teamwork. Integrity. You either have these things, or you don't.
The knowledge that you can say 'I don't know' or "I've made a mistake" and you will not hung out to dry for it.
IMHO, you are by your nature a bully or not. Our psych rotation talked to us about 'insight' into why we become nurses -- do we need to be needed, and is that our motivation? I think that if you're a bully, or a harasser, or someone who is so insecure about their job skills/life experiences, you aren't reading this thread.
My ADN program did deal somewhat with issues of professionalism and with leadership styles, and quite a bit with appropriate delegation. A lot of it seemed like "common" sense, but I've lived enough to put "common" in quotation marks.
Our clinical instructors demanded a high level of professionalism every moment in the clinical setting. There were moments of levity, but you didn't dare disrespect anyone.
"in fact, the subtle underlying message when any women says anything to me is that she wants me"
I'm not sure, but I think it may just be possible to have too much self-esteem. In psych nsg, we did group presentations of psychiatric disorders. My group did narcissism, and I was the star.
How about eyerolling? 
stidget99
342 Posts
IMO - a single act of a bullying-type behavior does not a bully make. I think that, in general and in all areas of life, people tend to see others in one particular way. For example, when we are at work, others see us strictly as nurses/bosses/managers/aids or whatever. I think that it is most important that we all realize that we all are people/individuals/sisters/brothers/parents/children/sibling/etc BEFORE we are any of the above. A co-worker might complain about how some things were left undone or make an off-handed comment that might be taken in a bullying way but in actuality just be really having a super lousy day because of some unknown event in their personal life. In my book, if it happens just once, no big deal. If I see a general trend that is when I take a more firm stance and stick up for myself.
Back in the mid 90's had a fellow nurse literally yell and scream at me while shagging her finger at me and actually spittling in my face because she was so upset. That, I thought, was out and out aggressive behavior. I felt bad after reporting her (we had a zero tolerance for violence policy) and finding out later that she had just found out that her sister had just been dx'd w/ uterine cancer and was not likely going to survive.
Another thought...(and then I will hush up...lol)...I think that we need to be careful not to become bullies ourselves when dealing w/ bullies. I see many people become very very passive-aggressive when dealing w/ bullies. To me, that is just as bad as the original bully hence, perpetuating the problem.
(Geez, I hope all of this makes sense. Messed up my back tonight at work and am currently on drugs
)