Terminated.....stressed and relieved at the same time.

[Lorie P.]

ok, i have already posted this in the pdn forum, but might get better results here.

yesterday i was terminated from my position as a pdn due to a very unprofessional thing i did. i signed and faxed in my time sheet and nurses notes( all on the same form) saying that i worked on 3-31-4-1,09 when i didn't.

i am stressed that i no longer have a job, income or insurance. but at the same time i am so relieved that i am not responsible for any one else's life, that i don't have to worry about charting and covering my butt, have to pretend that i like and enjoy my job.

i have been battling clinical depression for over 10 years now and i could feel myself going through the dark tunnel again. after 5 years as a nurse and being responsible for other peoples lives and all the other stress that goes and comes with nursing; i was facing severe burn-out!

i am not asking or looking for excuses. i take and took full responsiblity and admitted what i did when i was called in the office to sign my termination papers. i fully explained that i had been to my pcp on the 31st, he changed my antidepressants and i see him again on the 21st. i told them all about the change in meds, the depression and etc.

i am not pointing fingers, but the one of the people i had to talk to was some one that had my client sign papers saying that "she was there to do a supervisor visit for 2 different months" when in fact she did not!

my rn supervisor was very understanding ans said that she knew this was not me and that she did understand why i did the things i did. she even as far to try and let me keep my job, but the other person( non-medical) was having no part of it. my supervisor said she would even give me a great recommendation when i was ready to return to the working field.

my super also said that with her experience with the bon, that i will probably have to go through counseling and may or may not get suspended or license revoaked. yes, i know i will be investigated by the bon, but will deal with that when it comes.

the whole time that i was filling out the paper work, i knew i was wrong, yet didn't realize the after affects of what might happen. i was unable to work 4-3-4,09, was feeling great kinda on cloud "9" from the new meds.

again, i accept what has happened, will face what ever punishment is fit and will move on.

my mental state of health, family and continuing seeing my pcp is the most important thing right now.

anyways thanks so much for allowing me to express , vent, and share my feelings over this. all you guys here on an are awesome and understanding. some of you may or may not agree with me on what happened, not asking you too.

thanks so much,

lorie p, aka nurse hobbit

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

You've been nthrough a lot lately. Maybe you can relax for a bit, and heal.

[wonderbee, BSN, RN]

Now it's time to take care of yourself. I understand the sense of relief you must feel, and the sense of fear of the future you express also. Try to get some sleep and support. Rebuilding takes time. You might well benefit from counseling. A good counselor is worth his/her weight in gold. Wishing you well.

[ohmeowzer RN, RN]

yes , please relax and take it easy. you are only human and nursing is avery stressful job , and having clinical depression can add to that . everything will all work out. i send you prayers and a healing white light. please keep us posted on how you are doing.

[crisisRN]

I can understand what you are going thru in 1996 I did something dumb... sent a denial letter to a spouse via fax because I freaked out about being misinformed in the denial process. I subsequently was let go after 3 months probation, BUT the best thing happened to me I was hired 3 weeks later as a workers comp nurse and worked there til I retired in 2008 and also received case manager of the year. So one stupid mistake did not cost me my career, I moved on to a much better one. I was a critical care nurse for 26 years until I moved into case management for the rest of my nursing career for 17 years.. So use this as a stepping stone to new opportunities..there is so much out there for nurses these days. It was probably the best thing for me as I loved my job as a w-c nurse for 12 years.

D

[Jo Dirt]

There is too much opportunity for fraudulent activity in the home care business.

You messed up big time but you haven't done anything a lot of other people in the business aren't doing. When I worked as a supervisor for PDN nurses I made a surprise visit and the nurse wasn't there. The little old lady said the nurse was down in her back (again.) Turns out, she had been writing nurse's narratives and faxing in time sheets and collecting paychecks and only working about 1/3 of the time. She got away with this because these people were only scheduled for a nurse 8 hours a day, there was no one to verify whether she was or was not there.

I'm not Ms. Virtue (I don't know anyone who is, truly) but that is one that wouldn't have ever crossed my mind, scheming to get paid for working, even writing out narratives and filling in vital signs, when I was not there. Talk about ESP!

The even bigger scam is that the administrator was ready to run her on a rail to the state board of health...until it was discovered this was a long time friend of hers.

When I resigned from the home health agency (it was so stressful I wanted to get away from it) this nurse was still on duty. In fact, on my last supervisory visit she was there (surprise!) and she was actually a nice person. I would be lying if I said I didn't find her likeable. Didn't say I would automatically trust her, just that she was likeable.

I know depression can make you do stupid things (I've suffered from severe depression most of my life and still so, and I've done beyond stupid) but we have to be careful when we want to use it as an excuse for being a bad boy or a bad girl. Sometimes, we just get complacent and reason we aren't hurting anyone by doing a little of this or a little of that...I've found that, even with the depression, I am more consciencious of my work and believe I care more and make wiser clinical and ethical judgements than I did when I was younger.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

The weather is getting warmer... go outside and just take a walk in no particular direction, just look at the flowers coming up, the trees budding, the grass turning green... look up at the sky and the clouds... breathe in the air. Do this each and every day. :heartbeat

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Frodo - "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened"

Gandalf - "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." :heartbeat

[emmalou*]

Yeah no judgment here either. Every one of us has done something questionable in our careers or made errors, me included. My initial feelings are that you might have known what you were doing deep down, because you didn't want to continue in that role anymore.

You need to look after yourself, get well and happy then perhaps you could look for your own niche in nursing or another career which suits you. I know here in Australia there's quite a few nursing jobs which aren't traditional bedside, clinical nursing and I'm sure you will find something you like down the track, particularly since your manager is supportive. Life is too short to be in a job which makes you feel bad.

FYI I have a history of depression also. Am wondering how many nurses have depression/anxiety conditions because I know quite a few....

:heartbeat

[Lorie P.]

there is too much opportunity for fraudulent activity in the home care business.

you messed up big time but you haven't done anything a lot of other people in the business aren't doing. when i worked as a supervisor for pdn nurses i made a surprise visit and the nurse wasn't there. the little old lady said the nurse was down in her back (again.) turns out, she had been writing nurse's narratives and faxing in time sheets and collecting paychecks and only working about 1/3 of the time. she got away with this because these people were only scheduled for a nurse 8 hours a day, there was no one to verify whether she was or was not there.

i'm not ms. virtue (i don't know anyone who is, truly) but that is one that wouldn't have ever crossed my mind, scheming to get paid for working, even writing out narratives and filling in vital signs, when i was not there. talk about esp!

the even bigger scam is that the administrator was ready to run her on a rail to the state board of health...until it was discovered this was a long time friend of hers.

when i resigned from the home health agency (it was so stressful i wanted to get away from it) this nurse was still on duty. in fact, on my last supervisory visit she was there (surprise!) and she was actually a nice person. i would be lying if i said i didn't find her likeable. didn't say i would automatically trust her, just that she was likeable.

i know depression can make you do stupid things (i've suffered from severe depression most of my life and still so, and i've done beyond stupid) but we have to be careful when we want to use it as an excuse for being a bad boy or a bad girl.

i am, not saying that what i did is excusable, just one of many contributing factors that lead up to this.

sometimes, we just get complacent and reason we aren't hurting anyone by doing a little of this or a little of that... this is not me, plus i think that i did this partly because it "gave me a reason" to get fired so that i could take care of myself.

i've found that, even with the depression, that many people do not get the treatment that they need. i am taking the steps in the right direction. i admit i need help.

i am more consciencious of my work and believe i care more and make wiser clinical and ethical judgements than i did when i was younger.

i am kinda that way too. excpet sometimes you really think what you are doing is fine, when in reality it isn't. so at least i didn't hurt anyone except emotionaly and probably hurt myself more than others.

yes, depression is still something that the medical field does not address especially with women with heart disease. just my speaking from experience.

don't know how many times i have heard " look at everything you have been through" yes, i have been through alot in the past few years, but even after awhile one gets tired of the same old thing.

i am proud of myself for accepting and taking the steps i need for me!

enough said !

[Lorie P.]

yeah no judgment here either. every one of us has done something questionable in our careers or made errors, me included. my initial feelings are that you might have known what you were doing deep down, because you didn't want to continue in that role anymore.

i have came to that same conclusion after reveiwing over over what i, it gave am a way out at the time.

you need to look after yourself, get well and happy then perhaps you could look for your own niche in nursing or another career which suits you. i know here in australia there's quite a few nursing jobs which aren't traditional bedside, clinical nursing and i'm sure you will find something you like down the track, particularly since your manager is supportive. life is too short to be in a job which makes you feel bad.

fyi i have a history of depression also. am wondering how many nurses have depression/anxiety conditions because i know quite a few....i bet more than we know and how many would never admit they have these problems. speaking for myself i know how extremely hard it is to admit when one needs help. it is not something that people want others to know about them. you know the typical stero-types.

:heartbeat

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

i am kinda that way too. excpet sometimes you really think what you are doing is fine, when in reality it isn't. so at least i didn't hurt anyone except emotionaly and probably hurt myself more than others.

yes, depression is still something that the medical field does not address especially with women with heart disease. just my speaking from experience.

don't know how many times i have heard " look at everything you have been through" yes, i have been through alot in the past few years, but even after awhile one gets tired of the same old thing.

i am proud of myself for accepting and taking the steps i need for me!

enough said !

yeah, you kinda did hurt others. you didn't make your visits and you defrauded the medicare system, in turn defrauding all tax payers. but most importantly, those poor patients that didn't get their visits that they needed. is anyone feeling bad for the patients?

i, in no way am in any shape to judge someone else, as i have made some serious mistakes too. but the one thing that i admit to myself is when i could have potentially harmed a patient. it is never about the nurse and her problems, it is about the patient and their safety. the patient's aren't safe with you being their nurse in the state that you're in. you must fix that before returning to nursing,, or find another profession.