Has anyone ever taken an extended leave of absence from work? Lately, I've been contemplating taking a 4 week leave of absence from work.
I did go back for 3 weeks after COVID, but I'm not sure I did myself any favors. Any time I overexert myself, my bronchitis and angry pleural sac flare up. This last week, I worked 3 6 hour days, 2 12 hour days, did PT 2x, yoga on Saturday and Pure Barre on Sunday. Today, I spent an extensive amount of time sleeping. I also noticed that I've lost another 3 lbs, making for a 13 lb weight loss in 1 month, when I never needed to lose weight to begin with. It just seems like I'm not going to get any better until I slow down. I feel like 4 weeks with no work would give me time to exercise while resting when I want.
Has anyone else ever taken a long leave from work and has it helped?
Wow. You need some boundaries. A few weeks off isn’t going to solve that problem.
I agree. I think my body needs an extended break from work, but doing so would mean an increased amount of time around people who aren't capable of supporting this. Thus, I go to work so I don't have to be around them. Finding my own place would probably help this immensely. It's becoming evident that my parents are wanting/needing to distance themselves from me, as they keep subtly and not-so-subtly pushing me away and I'm probably needing the same.
It's just frustrating for me because it's become clear over and over again I'm not going to get the support I need from my parents. They've always been more interested in other people and other people's children, including my cousins, than they are in me. When my cousins achieve something, my mom is all over them, congratulating them. When I, for example, got a 98% on a test, my mom's question was why I didn't get 100%. She also spends way more time interacting with other people's children than she ever did with her own. For the most part, as a kid, I was told to go to my room to complete workbooks or read, so she could take a nap. Now, she spends time taking her cousin's children on outings at least once every two months, which she rarely ever did with me.
Even when people get sick, my mom has a totally different reaction to me than she does to everyone else. My grandma started having some arm numbness so she was immediately taken into the ER. My cousin got some leg swelling due to sunburn and she agrees she should go to the ER right away. I get COVID and bronchitis and am told to just fight it and work through it. I'm now starting to have burning in my throat and occasional lumps, and was told it is probably anxiety. I must say that my mom has always had a mean streak to her, constantly berating people on their looks, especially weight-related issues. So it's not surprising, really, that she's not always very supportive.
My dad has always had anger issues and never really has been able to sympathize with anyone. He also has a mean streak, yelling and shouting at people for no reason.
In my opinion, neither one of them had any business becoming a parent. Either that or they became a parent to the wrong person. They may have done better with someone like my cousins, they seem to like them.
Alas, I'll have to talk with my therapist to see what her thoughts are regarding FMLA. I've thought about taking 4 weeks to work on PT, recover from ongoing health issues and maybe attending an outpatient program for stress/anxiety/depression but on the other hand, it may not be in my best interest to not work at all.
Regardless, it's one that I won't get support from family at all. I'll have to find that from someone or somewhere else since my parents seem more interested in other people and distancing themselves from me.
And as bad as it sounds, I have a hard time not resenting my cousin for not only having very supportive parents AND siblings, but having more support from my own parents than I do. I resent the fact that she is running triathlons after having COVID herself and I can barely work 8 hours. I am angry that some people have everything in life, with her being one of them. She was blessed with a better family, a better body, a better personality and a better life, and for that, I am angry. I don't believe she's ever had to take FMLA.
And as bad as it sounds, I am angry with the patient who gave me COVID. Thanks to him, my body no longer works properly while his tolerated COVID just fine. I realize it is really not his fault and that he deserved care, but if he hadn't been there, I wouldn't be going through this. If I hadn't been assigned ALL the COVID patients over the last couple of years, I doubt this would have happened. I am also angry that all of my coworkers who got COVID seemed to tolerate it better than me. None of them got bronchitis or GI issues.
I am so angry right now. I miss my pre-COVID body and hate my post-COVID body with a passion. I want my old body back. I miss being able to work long, hard hours because that was the one thing in life I did well. It was the only way I stood out and COVID took that away from me. Now, my cousin will always outshine me in every way.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
SB the crux of your problem and I mean this kindly, is that you have to stop comparing yourself to others. My dad who was pretty supportive considering the narcissistic monster (my mother) he was married to used to tell me that the whole world was full of people waiting to kick me in the donkey's behind so I should make them work for the honor. I left home at an early age because it became clear I would never live up to my mom's expectations. My brother the oldest was smarter, my older sister prettier and my younger sisters largely ignored. I was as my mother often told me "Fat, ugly and no decent man would ever want me." I guess that was why I married a criminal the first time., I did better with the second marriage but to her dying breath my mother made sure I knew what a dissapointment I was. It took me a long time and alot of therapy to get off my pitty pony and start to create the best version of myself. I read a book called life by design and started slowly working on what I wanted for my life. I have yet to get there but I am pretty staisfied. I think that what surprised me the most in my professional career was when people started coming to me for advice and input. Even when I was barely holding it together other's saw me as strong. Over the years I have made some positive changes and yes sometimes It feels like bad luck and trouble are always looking for a way in.
The biggest challange in my life came from being an actively drinking alcoholic for close to 30 years. It all came apart with a failed suicide attempt 20 years ago. Through that ordeal I became acquainted with a fellowship of friends and embraced the principles of the 12 steps. I could no longer blame others or hide in the shadow of my addiction. I had to get on with life or finish dying. I met my husband and had a great son who is now 20. I live a balanced life and that includes my family, my dogs, my garden and a career I love and am good at in that order. (Notice work comes last)The house I live in is a modest post world war 2 home but because I live in California it's valued at way more than it looks.
Everything happens for a reason and this is your chance to step out and shine. I've said this to you before but you are a Master's prepared nurse so you should be able to find a job you like that isn't killing you. What keeps you from moving forward is fear. You don't like where you are but you know it and fear keeps you there.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Maianne Williamson..."“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?"
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
OK. Bottom line? You are a grown person now and you need to move past what bad parenting did or did not do. It is past time to live on your own and be an adult. Not to be harsh, but you sound like a whining child and not an adult to me. I say that having come from a very difficult childhood. I hope you will take this in the way it is meant. To help you. Empower yourself. You are an adult! Act like one.
Yes! Do it what is holding you back? What reason are you suggesting to ignore your own health?
Mostly because taking a break would mean increased exposure to my parents, who aren't in support of one. They seem to think I'm doing better than I do and don't really need it.
Go for it. One of my coworkers has been out on leave since December and just got her leave extended for another month. Our company allows up to 9 consecutive months in 12-month span for leave (yet has also cancelled long-term floats, so we’ve been short-staffed the entire time but that’s another story). You do what you need to do to make yourself better. Maybe while you’re recovering you can be looking at apartments in your area.
It's just frustrating for me because it's become clear over and over again I'm not going to get the support I need from my parents.
OMG SB, I was so sad reading this long post and the one that follows. No wonder you are so stressed, you're getting hit from all angles. (virtual hug)?
I'm sorry about your life experience with your parents. I cannot imagine what that must be/feel like ?.?
I do want you to try something. I want you to try to be the smartest member of your family. Yes, the entire family! Try to take this vantage point and then you will start to see the weakness that is in others and that what they give may be all that they have to give, that they don't know any better. Whether it be pleasing your cousin(s), favoritism, unkindness towards you. Just think about it, those are their weaknesses. This isn't hurting them, it's hurting you. Reverse that crap! They suck at taking care of people.
You have to know this and expect them to fall short, make mistakes, and overcompensate, but you stay solid as a rock. Don't have the need to be anybody's friend. Be your own. Take care of you. Mind, body, and soul. Don't let anyone in your safe space. No matter what anyone is saying to you at any given time especially if it's not going to build you up, think to yourself and say now what they hairy heck are they telling/speaking to me about his for. Minimize that drama. What you focus on expands, someone famous said that, can't remember who, but it's true.
You're a Boss SB. Own your ____ and remember you have a whole AN army behind you!
Specializes in CNA telemetry progressive care ICU.
Can’t you see! It’s time for you to do some corrections to self examine what direction your going after all of you don’t change to stand your ground I’m afraid got your peace of mind get this font you see that if you don’t take the steps to secure your own life you may self destruct⭐️ Always choose to be somewhat selfish for self preservation
Specializes in CNA telemetry progressive care ICU.
Speaking of life from a woman whose battled adversity transphobia addiction death grief u name it I’ve conquered most and yes sadly our own family what we call out blood prepare us for real life but sometimes what they want is their dream to brag that we have titles accolades isn’t gonna make much difference if your still living at home being commanded your breaking down your body is following your mind it’s crying for help and sad part your not listening what’s the worst scenario? See your exit plans maybe the break isn’t the solution have you evaluated if being a nurse is what your doing for yourself or perhaps to make others happy? I’m guessing that someway this has extreme pressure and I don’t want you to hurt yourself allowing yourself to be directed into a future of your not choosing god bless you and all r dedication but what cost to you?index now exit
SilverBells, BSN
1,108 Posts
I agree. I think my body needs an extended break from work, but doing so would mean an increased amount of time around people who aren't capable of supporting this. Thus, I go to work so I don't have to be around them. Finding my own place would probably help this immensely. It's becoming evident that my parents are wanting/needing to distance themselves from me, as they keep subtly and not-so-subtly pushing me away and I'm probably needing the same.