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Discussion

Suspended

My SO and I work in the same facility. I'm and LPN he works in dietary. We have kept things nothing but professional, him doing his job and me doing mine. Occasionally we would end up on lunch break together, considering we both smoke and there is only one place to do so. On Monday he was suspended on suspicion of stealing supplies from the kitchen. Which he did NOT do. I was off that day because I'm dealing with cellutiits. He called me and went to come and pick him up so I did. I was off on Tue and Wed. When I found he had been suspend I called a friend of mine well former friend who is management we were friends before she became and RN and got her new position, to ask her what the hell was going on. She said she didnt know and I took it at that. Yesterday I get a voicemail from my DON saying she needs to speak with me before I come to work today. I called her back and she proceeded to tell me that I was suspended pending further investigation for threatening and intimadating a supervisor. WHAT!?!? She said that I violated policy and procedure for asking questions about my SO being suspended. I get that, that was wrong of me I'm not denying that. But intimadation and threaths? Give me a break please. I know more get off the phone with the DON and my SO receives a call from his supervisor saying that they did not substaniate the accusation of him stealing and that he could return to work. They even apologized to him. So I'm being suspended for standing up for my boyfriend for something that they decided he didnt even do! I'm willing to admit that I was wrong and shouldnt have called. But in my head I wasn't calling my friend as an employee but as a friend looking for answers. I'm not suspended for my job performance or medication errors or anything that has to do withn the way I do my work, but for being concerned for someone that I care about. What really hurts that she was my friend long before she was a supervisor and I was there for her when no one else was. I don't know why she twisted what I asked her and went to the DON. I'm hurt and confused and worried for my livlihood.

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    • Featured Replies

    You were absolutely wrong to do that. Not only was it completely unprofessional, if this person was truly your friend, you put her on the spot by asking her private personnel questions. It is no different than if you heard someone else was stealing, and you called a "friend" who you thought might be able to give you the scoop. If you were angry or upset with her on the phone, that makes it even worse.

    When you go in to speak with your supervisor, if you want to keep your job, you *must* apologize sincerely, to your boss *and* your "friend". Let them know you recognize you were wrong to call and ask any information of her, you acknowledge it was completely unprofessional, you are sincerely and deeply sorry, and you will always respect the privacy of your coworkers in the future.

    Hope this helps. Good luck.

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    Well, I'm sorry that you're having to go through this, but try to take this as a learning experience. You now know where you stand with your "friend." You now know never to cross the line professionally in someone else's personnel issues. If the person had been your friend, she could have said, "I know that your'e totally freaked out and upset that this is happening to your boyfriend. Just know that I'm now in a position that I can't act as your friend, but must maintain confidentiality and not talk to you about this. Sorry."--and then she would have kept your rant to herself. But...she didn't, so for the future, behave with the knowledge that she is no longer your friend, but someone in management that you used to be friends with. You're going to have to apologize and be humble, as you did act unprofessionally towards someone in management, but I think that the damage to your ego and subsequent learning experience will be offset by you getting to keep your job.

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    • Experts

    Even if you didn't threaten or try to intimidate your friend with your phone call, the mere fact that you phoned her and perhaps expressed yourself in an emotional way could have made her feel intimidated and/or abused.

    At the very least, your phone call put her in a VERY awkward position and it is not surprising that she reported it to her supervisor and asked for advice on how to handle the situation with you. She needed to protect herself in case you went higher up the chain saying that the 2 of you had spoken. She has every right to protect herself from being pulled into the situation by you. She might have been accused later of speaking to you inappropriately. So ... your friend did the right thing by reporting the phone conversation. She needs to protect her job and you were wrong to put her job in jeopardy. Don't blame her for your mistake.

    If someone I was advising came to me in your friend's situation, I would say, "You need to report this to protect yourself. Your old friend sounds a little out of control and she is making some bad choices right now. You can't be sure what she is going to say and to whom. Don't let her ruin your career."

    As others have said, you need to acknowledge your mistake and apologize sincerely -- both to the institution and to your friend. I suspect that if you do a good job of apologizing, you will be forgiven.

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    maybe you friend didn't "report" you but went to ask what happened and ended up getting into a little bit of trouble herself and the DON decided to make the big deal out of it.

    i would suggest you might consider writing a letter to both your friend and the DON, stating it wasn't your intention to make anyone uncomfortable, nor to cross any professinal lines, and appoligize.

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    • Experts

    How do you feel about continuing to work there? Perhaps it is time to start looking elsewhere for employment.

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    This is a learning experience. In the workplace, if the situation does not involve you directly, it is none of your business. It was wrong to ask questions to your former friend about the situation. At work do the job you are assigned to do. Take care of yourself and don't worry about the other employees. Let them take care of themselves.

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    A friend is a friend until they become a supervisor, whether that be your supervisor or someone else'.

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    • Guides

    Just pretty much agreeing with what everyone else said; you were totally in the wrong. If you want to keep your job there, I'd sincerely apologize, ASAP. SINCERELY.... no "but, but, I was just CONCERNED about my FRIEND, that's all!" Just "I know what I did was wrong, I sincerely apologize, nothing like this will ever happen again".

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    maybe you friend didn't "report" you but went to ask what happened and ended up getting into a little bit of trouble herself and the DON decided to make the big deal out of it.

    i would suggest you might consider writing a letter to both your friend and the DON, stating it wasn't your intention to make anyone uncomfortable, nor to cross any professinal lines, and appoligize.

    That's right along the lines of what I was thinking.

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    agree with everyone else.

    you were wrong.

    you need to apologize...

    with no 'buts' about it.

    don't just go through the motions.

    take some time for yourself and consider all sides.

    only when you can recognize and acknowledge your errors, will you be able to apologize sincerely.

    best of everything.

    leslie

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    While I understand how hurt and angry you probably were over this unsubstantiated accusation against your SO, this is going to have to be a (tough) learning experience for you. Just as you and your SO maintain completely professional relations at work, you must maintain completely professional relationships with everyone you work with while dealing with work-related issues.

    This friend of your is now in management. You used profanity in your post in describing your conversation with her, so I'm guessing you probably also used it while you were on the phone with her. As a member of management, she didn't have much of a choice but to report that call up the food chain, even if it was just a light, "Well, I had a quick call from Chellelynn25. She was a little upset about what happened to X." Just as you have to CYA in your job, she must do so in hers.

    You can be friends or more outside of work, but while you're at work or dealing with work-related issues, you MUST respect the same boundaries that you would observe with someone who wasn't your friend/SO/spouse/whatever. When you asked your management friend what was going on about an obviously sensitive personnel issue, you crossed a major boundary, just as you would have if you'd sneaked off to a supply closet with your significant other to make out while on the company dime. I doubt she twisted your words to try to get you fired; your call put her into an extremely difficult position and she had little choice but to at least mention the call in order to protect her own job and livelihood.

    I agree with the PPs: try sending a letter/email explaining that you've realized your error and apologize deeply and sincerely for your mistake. Don't try to exculpate yourself, as you'll only anger your DON more. If it looks like they're going to axe you, I'd suggest you ask to resign first. You'll lose any shot at unemployment, but having a termination to explain away in this kind of employment climate would make any search for a new position much harder.

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. Still, we learn our best lessons from our errors, so do your best to salvage the positive from the situation. I hope you can work things out with your employer! Best wishes to you.

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    While I understand that you were upset on behalf of your SO, I think that you were fighting a battle that was not yours to fight. I get that you are hurt with your "friend" but I have learned that at work there are no friends. CYA rules in business environments.

    The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This was not your intended outcome but it happened.

    I hope that you are able to sort through this. Good luck.

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