Stupid things that nurses say

I love threads like these!

I was discharging a male patient the day after he had sinus surgery and was reading him all the directions on the discharge papers. He was in a hurry to leave so I was trying to get through them pretty quick. When I came to the part where it says don't blow your nose until the doctor tells you it's ok, I said "don't blow your doctor.." I immediately stopped and turned bright red. The patient did too and we both had a good laugh. And I was able to correctly spit out that sentence. But I could not believe I said that!

Geeze, I say and do stupid things all the time. I have posted this story before, so some may remember...I was getting a check up at my doctors (who works with me mind you) and he was listening to my heart, shirt pulled up and all. He tells me to hold my breasts, so obviously I think he can't hear my PMI clearly so I move them around, he looks and says to hold my breasts again so I am there.....fondling myself and I say "can you not hear? Do you want them up, down, to the side?" He says "no, hold your BREATH....I thought I was going to croak right then and there.

Omg I am ROTFL!!!!!! As I lay here reading this in bed I cannot stop laughing, my husband woke up and asked what's wrong with me!

Hahahahahaha that is the best one I read so far!!!

I love threads like these!

I was discharging a male patient the day after he had sinus surgery and was reading him all the directions on the discharge papers. He was in a hurry to leave so I was trying to get through them pretty quick. When I came to the part where it says don't blow your nose until the doctor tells you it's ok, I said "don't blow your doctor.." I immediately stopped and turned bright red. The patient did too and we both had a good laugh. And I was able to correctly spit out that sentence. But I could not believe I said that!

My new favorite post!!! Bahaha

"You don't want the pt to go down on you in the hallway" in front of a class of 15 cna students I was teaching. I thought no one noticed for a second but unfortunately it was only a delayed reaction before the whole class fell apart.

I had to excuse myself when a student jokingly asked "So just in the hallway is bad?!"

Edited Jun 7, 2015 by floridanurse1983
Grammar

Another one

Male coworker: that's a really big watch."

Me: "I like big ones"

Ugh

I'm not a nurse yet so I hope you don't mind if I chime in. I had a patient once whom I completely forgot had cancer and was going into hospice. I was very busy that day and extremely tired. No excuse, but when he was leaving with his granddaughter, I said, "Thanks for allowing me to take care of you today. It was nice meeting you. I hope you get better very soon!"

This is a great thread... I cannot recall a time when I didnt have insert foot syndrome, and its quite chronic.. luckily, I have some great patients who have great senses of humor.

But one really got me and everyone cracked up over it. I used to work NOC shifts in a LTC/Acute care/Psych building and it was a very LONGGGG night, and I was tired. I had a patient that had "purulent drainage" but at that time in the morning after that night I could NOT seem to remember the word "purulent". So in my stupor of tiredness I wrote "puss but with a y after the ss", as in drainage that looked like puss... granted I had NO idea of this error in language and my DON caught up with me the next day and she cheerfully handed me my charting and just smiled, and I looked at it for a moment I couldnt see it, as my brain read what I wanted it to read. she pointed it out and everyone cracked up. luckily it was on paper and not electronic so I was able to, at least, save face by erroring it out and writing the correct word.

Edited Aug 20, 2015 by Idaho_nurse
spelling

This is some funny stuff.. Its apparent I have a big mouth problem cause I say stupid things all the time.

Edited Aug 20, 2015 by joethechick

I was doing a preoperative interview on a very pregnant young woman with her belly out to there, who was scheduled for a C-section the next day. As part of the interview I needed to ask her questions about her past medical history. I was nearing the end of the interview, and having done this thousands of times I was running through the list by memory a little too quickly. My question should have been "do you bleed or bruise easily?", but inadvertently I blended the two words and asked "do you breed easily". OMG, I thought. Inside I was dying laughing at my mistake because of the obvious visual. She was very sweet & accepted my apology, but I can't help thinking she was hugely offended.

Of course, I would never say anything like this to a patient's granddaughter: DGD to nurse: "Grandpa's not doing very well tonight. His doctors told me he's at death's door."

Nurse: "I'm sure sorry. Hope they can pull him through."

Me:

I am usually rather reclusive when not at work. Today, I spent all day long out at the school with the kids, then stores, in crowded conditions interacting. Exhausted, wanting to sleep, yet unable to do so due to being so wired from the day (intense headache I'd had all day eased up once I was able to retreat to my room, but still not right). Then, lo and behold, I find this thread. It is now 0315h and I finally feel comfortable, tired, and hysterically amused. Thank you so much for sharing.

Good lord...what does it say about me that I need to come here to read about things related to work to relax from a day spent in a way most people would find fun?

Me:

Because we GET IT. Goodnight maelstrom. Get some sleep