Stupid People Award

Published

The winner goes to the lady with a "broken tooth"...treating herself with battery acid "to numb the area"

Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

The toilet brush, i mean, it's designed for the bowl, not the butt.

(And of course, the ever-famous rectal rodents)

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I have told this one here before:

My fil works security at a large metro hospital in the Midwest. Well lady came in all hush-hush demanding to see the dr. and "no one else". So they get her in, later on, in a room. Dr comes out collapsing in laughter, as does the chaperone nurse. Says "my lord the woman is a real SOURPUSS"

Yep, another winner: seems she had a lemon stuck up the hoohah and came in, after having tried everything to get it out.....

Lord, the things people do in the name of sexual gratification.

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20 something newlywed presented in the ER with a golf ball up the, well, you know. Apparently she and the new hubby had been "playing around" and the ball got stuck in a skin fold of the lady parts, created a suction, and they couldn't retrieve it. After much (discreet) laughter and a lot of jokes involving the husband yelling "Fore!", one of our docs retrieved the offending item with a plastic spoon.

We've also retrieved wine bottles, toilet brushes, and various other items from people's rectums.

Life in the ER is never dull. ..

So would that be considered fore play? ;)

We had a guy come in over the weekend who got drunk at home and passed out. His "aunt" thought he was dead, so she started doing chest compressions. Amazingly, he came back from the dead. ;)

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Specializes in Gastroenterology; and Primary Care.

Man came to surgery from ER, he had a LARGE red delicious apple stuck up his rectum....ewwwww..never had another red apple again!

He said, please don't tell my wife..........I "fell" on the apple....

ya right!

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Guy walks up to the desk at the crowded clinic I worked at years ago and says he swallowed a fish bone and thinks it's stuck crossways "in my butt" because he's got pain down there. The waiting area got awful quiet when I said,"Excuse me?" and he repeated it all over again. :rotfl: (By the way, it was hemorroid pain.)

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Specializes in OR.

Actually, three real life stories from the OR.

First one, I had a case where all I was informed about was it was the removal of foreign object. Turned out to be a small rodent in some guy's rectum- poor thing was still alive, try sending that as a specimen....

Another was a little child who snuffly said to me her "big brudder did it.." she had a large butterbean up her nose. She was quite miffed about having to have surgery to get it removed.

The real stupid person award goes to the man who came to the OR from the ER with a screwdriver sticking out of his eye.

He was totally drunk and decided to work on a piece of equiptment(not sure what type) and then bam, next thing..he tells me.. he's waking up in recovery with his eye bandaged and asks me what happened?

What about a patient I had who was about to undergo a surgical procedure who informed me that he was "allergic to oxygen". I wanted to ask him how long he's been dead for, but I just smiled and said "oh, really".

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The winner goes to the lady with a "broken tooth"...treating herself with battery acid "to numb the area"

These are great!

A guy from our main jail (I work at the smaller work release program) ingested the contents of a heat pack. I guess he wanted to escape or get a break or whatever makes them want out of jail.

Poor B&*#*$& has no stomach now been in the hosp for weeks no idea what happened after that or what his prognosis is as the county hosp gives no reports to us slimey corrections nurses. HIPA and all that which actually does not apply in that way.

--leslie

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We just could NOT make this stuff up!

But you won't ever hear these on "ER"!!

RNin92 actually I do remember early ER dealing with one or 2 of these blander things up the rear.

I remember as a teen reading *The Joy of Sex: All You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask*

I read about lightbulbs & coke BOTTLES (preplastic) etc.

:uhoh21:

Been happening for years I guess.

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A paramedic told me one about a guy who tried to commit suicide with a chainsaw. He started the chainsaw, put it on the floor and the tried to cut open the carotids. Well, since his neck was flexed, the blood vessels retracted and all he did was make a huge mess in his living room. Apparently, when the paramedics got to him all the told him was 'you dumb ***'. His wife, poor thing was the one who found him.

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RNin92 actually I do remember early ER dealing with one or 2 of these blander things up the rear.

I remember as a teen reading *The Joy of Sex: All You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask*

I read about lightbulbs & coke BOTTLES (preplastic) etc.

:uhoh21:

Been happening for years I guess.

Now that's scary...good ole grampa and a coke bottle!!

:rotfl:

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Man came to surgery from ER, he had a LARGE red delicious apple stuck up his rectum....ewwwww..never had another red apple again!

He said, please don't tell my wife..........I "fell" on the apple....

ya right!

Good one!

Hey, maybe he did fall on it. You know, like he was inspecting one of his hemoroids, slipped on some water, and fell on top of the apple that someone had left...on the bathroom floor.

He shouldn't play with his food. Also, I think that name, "Red Delicious" is kind of silly. After all, not everyone thinks that type of apple is delicious.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

We have records of plastic Coke bottles making it up the rear as well. We do not, however, have any info if any of the bottles were half full or half empty, caffeine free, diet, regular, etc.

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