Stupid People Award

Published

The winner goes to the lady with a "broken tooth"...treating herself with battery acid "to numb the area"

Specializes in ER.
So just in case it ever happens to one of us, how does one remove a dead cat from a man's member (or is that a man's member from a dead cat?)

Cut if off of him in the OR. Someone did drop a dime on local animal control authorities; nothing ever came of it (or at least it never made the papers.)

Someone asked about the Newman's Own salad dressing. The patient had douched with it, perhaps thinking that vinegar is vinegar is vinegar, regardless of the added parmesan cheese.

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Specializes in Cardiac/Telemetry.
We had one like that too, except it was a Ketcup bottle... we gave him the benifit of the doubt...

Until the botlle was removed... it had a condom (rubber) on it.

Well, you know what they say: "Wrap it up!" :rolleyes:

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Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
More wacky people and their sick perversions ... This is the tally from the last three months in the busiest ER in the state of New Jersey:

Retained tampons: 8. Slow season, I guess

Retained condoms: 11. Another slow season.

Retained headless Polly Pocket dolls: 5 for one patient, 2 for another.

Half & Halfs: A toilet bowl brush inserted brush end first into the rectum. Laid the patient on his stomach and had to drape a sheet over him. Everyone who walked by muttered "Land Shark." Friday's cobb salad inserted beans and guac first, causing the lettuce leaves, corn, and bacon bits to shake and finally fall to the floor whenever the patient walked. An 89 year old woman complaining of lady partsl bleeding caused by her having inserted a fork into her lady parts. The banana her male friend had put up their earlier had become too mushy to extract in the usual (???) manner, hence the choice of cutlery.

All the way gone: A rigid butt plug minus it's base which passed through the second sphincter. An old fashioned riot stick jammed so far up the wazzo, the handstrap wasn't even sticking out! My favorite, however, was the local prosecutor who showed up complaining of a recurring lady partsl infection after she douched. The culprit? Newman's Own Light Italian.

Seeing pointy toed boots and shoes up asses is a daily given, as is the assortment of veggies incubating in curious spots. But gross has got to reach new depths when a good looking, well dressed local celeb wanders in holding a strangely shaped box before him and demands to see the best surgeon we have on call NOW! One of the ER docs managed to bump the box out of the patients' hands and we got a clue right quickly: Poor dead Puss was in rigor and the man's member was trapped in puss's ass. He'd tried to saw the animal off but was afraid he'd miss and slice his own member. He'd even tried to soften up the cat by dipping it in a hot bubble bath. How long that cat had been attached to his member, I never found out, but we did learn that he engaged in sex with the animal after it was already dead. So, that's what some folks do with road kill, eh? :paw: :paw: :paw::paw:

:no: OK, You Win!

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Specializes in ICU, ER.

We had a guy c/o pain and blood from his ears. Tried to clean them with a long very sharp skewer.

An other guy was doing construction work and didn't like his pant legs flopping around his work boots. Tried to attach them together with a 3" nail - from a nail gun. It went completely through the top of his foot.

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Specializes in Medical.
Poor dead Puss was in rigor and the man's member was trapped in puss's ass. He'd tried to saw the animal off but was afraid he'd miss and slice his own member. He'd even tried to soften up the cat by dipping it in a hot bubble bath. How long that cat had been attached to his member, I never found out, but we did learn that he engaged in sex with the animal after it was already dead. So, that's what some folks do with road kill, eh? :paw: :paw: :paw::paw:

Better a dead cat than a live one, in my opinion.

PS I say that purely from a humanitarian perspective, in case anyone thinks that refers to my own... interests

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Specializes in Staff nurse.

Poor animal abused by a human ANIMAL...

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma/Critical Care Nursing.

lady bringing in a 2yr old states "she got a bee sting in her eye so i put turpentine in it but now she can't see" :eek:

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