how to stop fellow nurse from escalating an argument

caliotter3 · Apr 14, 2010

Glad you realize this is so high school. You and your friend have enough on your plates to survive your orientation period and keep your new jobs. Let the other person stew on her own. She might find other interests and leave you alone anyway. Childish behavior need not be reinforced by paying attention to it.

Straydandelion · Apr 14, 2010

Just a quick first impression opinion.... since Shannie doesn't consider you a friend but a long time friend of Melissa's I would say this is Melissa's problem to deal with and for you to continue to be polite and friendly to both.

Jules A, MSN · Apr 15, 2010

The other thing I would suggest is trying to foster relationships with more experienced nurses also. Other new grads can be a great source of support but keep in mind you will probably get better insight from someone more experienced.

greenfiremajick · Apr 15, 2010

I joined a hospital recently and I have made a very good friend melissa (name changed) who also attends my residency classes. We get along very well but she has a long time friend shannie (name changed) from her nursing school who somehow doesn't like me talking to her. She finds petty things to find fault with my behaviour. I ignore her behaviour and try to do my own stuff as I am a new RN and my priority is to concentrate on learning more practical things on floor instead of thinking about this. Melissa knows shannie is jealous but at same time she likes me and keeps coming back to me for advise or guidance as we share same floor. We (MELISSA AND I ) are keeping everything in low profile so that shannie does not gets oppurtunity to escalate this furthur. Its awkward but its true that I am in a high school girls behaviour situation.
Any oipinion is appreciated

1st thing that comes to mind, is how do you know the other friend is saying these things about you? Obviously, it's because M is telling you. If she is telling you what S is saying, then she is probably telling S what you're saying. Also, if M is providing you with all these wonderful details about S finding faults with you, then why is she doing that? Obviously she doesn't care about your feelings; only your reactions and getting what she feels she needs from you-whether that be something emotional, etc.

I'd stay away from both and just stay nice and polite.

If the only reason you know about all the petty faults that S thinks you have, is because S has told you, then I agree with the other posters and say you just stay friends with M and ignore S. Be very careful and avoid getting into any conversations about S, with M.

These are only my thoughts and opinions. Good luck!

misschiatia · Apr 15, 2010

In nursing, we have to get along with all kinds. And I do mean all kinds of people. You are going to have to learn to interact with people you don't like, or who don't like you, or who have poor communication skills, or who are not very tactful, or who are really sick and ****** off, or are from a completely different culture and mindset from yours, or are mad at you for taking better care of thier loved ones than they did, etc.........and i don't mean any of that in a good way! Often, we are responsible for managing and resolving some pretty uncomfortable social situations.

Look at this as an opportunity to work on these very important skills. After all, guess what? There will be nasty people in whatever setting you choose to practice in. And this includes other nurses. Heck, especially other nurses.

What works for me is to remind myself how small minded the people who indulge in this behavior really are. I mean, who has time or energy to spend creating conflict with other nurses or nursing students. They must have precious little going on in thier lives that they have that much energy to spend on yours(and their perception of it). Or they have so much going on in their lives that it's easier to focus on you and your PERCIEVED problems than to focus on their own.

Any way you look at it, you get to feel superior to them by not participatin in that behavior with them.

As a grown married woman with a full time, 50 hour a week job, husband,son parents, mortgage, and a BSN to go earn(currently a diploma RN), I honestly have too much going on in my life to occupy my thoughts and energies than to worry about other peoples opinion. So do you. Im sure you have family and bills.....and you have nursing school to complete. Don't let her steal your joy! Remember what she is every time you talk to her. And dont waste anymore of your time "keeping everything in low profile."

jemaro67 · Apr 15, 2010

Just focus on what you can control. Everything else is out of your hands so just forget it.

Angel0411 · Apr 15, 2010

Yeah...it really is like high school. I say be friendly but stick to yourself.

msn10 · Apr 15, 2010

Hey newsupernurse

It sounds like you are experiencing a phenomenon called "lateral violence" or also referred to as bullying at the workplace. No, you are not in high school, and it is not specific to nurses. Lateral violence is common, unfortunately. I actually just got done creating a class for the hospital I work at about this very subject. There are specific steps you can take.

This website is very helpful http://www.workplacebullying.org/

I don't want to make this reply too long so I will just tell you that there are great steps you can take to eradicate this type of behavior (on website)

Good luck!

Poi Dog · Apr 15, 2010

1st thing that comes to mind, is how do you know the other friend is saying these things about you? Obviously, it's because M is telling you. If she is telling you what S is saying, then she is probably telling S what you're saying. Also, if M is providing you with all these wonderful details about S finding faults with you, then why is she doing that? Obviously she doesn't care about your feelings; only your reactions and getting what she feels she needs from you-whether that be something emotional, etc.
I'd stay away from both and just stay nice and polite.

If the only reason you know about all the petty faults that S thinks you have, is because S has told you, then I agree with the other posters and say you just stay friends with M and ignore S. Be very careful and avoid getting into any conversations about S, with M.
These are only my thoughts and opinions. Good luck!

Yes to all! I've read somewhere that if they gossip to you, they'll gossip of you. :mad: :uhoh3:

Blackheartednurse · Apr 15, 2010

Stop caring what they think just focus on your orientation.

Jules A, MSN · Apr 15, 2010

Hey newsupernurse
It sounds like you are experiencing a phenomenon called "lateral violence" or also referred to as bullying at the workplace. No, you are not in high school, and it is not specific to nurses. Lateral violence is common, unfortunately. I actually just got done creating a class for the hospital I work at about this very subject. There are specific steps you can take.
This website is very helpful http://www.workplacebullying.org/
I don't want to make this reply too long so I will just tell you that there are great steps you can take to eradicate this type of behavior (on website)
Good luck!

Sorry but it seems a little early to drag out lateral violence based on: "She finds petty things to find fault with my behaviour."