Staff nurse dating manager

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

It's only an issue if he is HER unit manager; if he is her direct supervisor, it's unethical. It should be an obvious problem of favoritism expectations (when the relationship is good) and punitive punishments (when the relationship is going badly). At NO time should ANYONE working in that unit have to wonder if she is going to be favored in ANY way because of her dating situation. I don't care if they began the relationship when they were peers; at this point, one of them should be required to transfer to another unit.

sissiesmama, ASN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

A staff nurse on our unit has been dating our unit manager and I would like opinions on the issue. They began dating several months prior to his becoming the unit manager. They remain very discreet with nothing at work indicating preferential treatment or inappropriate behaviors. They are both exceptional nurses and carry out their duties professionally. Some staff feel it should not be allowed while others say it was going on when he was promoted so why not leave them alone as long as the relationship is left out of the unit.
What is your opionion on this matter?
dks54

Hello - I was working on an LTAC vent unit as a staff nurse and my nurse manager and I had been friends before I started working there, just casual friends. He and I had just gone through a divorce, and he asked me to go with him to dinner, as friends. We did this for about a month, and we did start dating. No one on the unit even had a clue, in fact, a few of the nurses remarked "Why doesn't ______ like you?" He and I didn't talk much, and we had both agreed to keep it this way. When we started dating, I quietly applied for a transfer to a different unit, the ER, where my heart has always been.

Most of the people on the LTAC floor didn't find out we were a couple until about a year later when he told them we were getting married. Long story short, we got married and in August, we will celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary.

I have seen a couple of nurses date on a unit and both of them stay on the same unit. Let's just say they were not very professional. One time they were caught making out in an empty room "getting it ready for a new admit". Well, this LTAC unit has 5 or 6 rooms that have video cameras for patient safety. They didn't realize that the room they picked was one of those rooms. The ward clerk started calling the other staff, except the couple in the room to come to the desk. They had quite an audience, until one of them realized what was going on.

They broke up after a few months and caused quite a disturbance. I am glad I got the ER job, because the way they acted was SO unprofessional, to say the least!!!

Anne, RNC :paw::paw::paw: :saint: :saint:

mpccrn, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

if it is kept out of the unit.......who cares! there are far more important things to discuss and worry about then who's dating who. their personal life is theirs. as licensed professionals, i would expect professionalism on both their parts and from your post it seems they are doing that. wish them well. a happy worker is far more pleasant to be around and a happy manager is better to work for.

Katnip, RN · Jul 21, 2008

I'm betting there's a policy about this. Most industries have a policy forbidding a supervisor having someone working under them with whom they have a personal relationship. Whether or not it's true, other employees could perceive favoratism.

Too many relationships like this have ended, leading to problems and accusations later of harrassment, etc. Also, when a relationship like this ends, it's usually the one who is not the manager who is forced to leave.

Batman24 · Jul 21, 2008

I tend to stay out of things like this unless they are directly having an effect on my work, schedule, patients, etc. That doesn't sound like the case here so I would mind my own business. It appears both are professional, appropriate, and excellent nurses which is what is most important.

I would be wishing them well on finding love and happiness. I also have more important things to worry about than two people I work with being competent and happy. I have sick patents who deserve my time and energy more.

sissiesmama, ASN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

I'm betting there's a policy about this. Most industries have a policy forbidding a supervisor having someone working under them with whom they have a personal relationship. Whether or not it's true, other employees could perceive favoratism.
Too many relationships like this have ended, leading to problems and accusations later of harrassment, etc. Also, when a relationship like this ends, it's usually the one who is not the manager who is forced to leave.

You hit the nail on the head! That's why as soon as we started dating, I transferred to the ER. We were friends and then when it progressed to more, I left.

Anne, RNC

MassED, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

:smackingf uhhhh.....NO. Manager will be out of a job or out of that unit... eventually. Not appropriate - conflict of interest, BIG TIME.

ThatPoshGirl · Jul 21, 2008

A staff nurse on our unit has been dating our unit manager and I would like opinions on the issue. They began dating several months prior to his becoming the unit manager. They remain very discreet with nothing at work indicating preferential treatment or inappropriate behaviors. They are both exceptional nurses and carry out their duties professionally. Some staff feel it should not be allowed while others say it was going on when he was promoted so why not leave them alone as long as the relationship is left out of the unit.
What is your opionion on this matter?
dks54

If they were dating before he started I would assume she helped him get the job and management is probably aware of their relationship. I don't see any reason to worry about it since it appears they are behaving in a professional manner.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

According to most HR policies it's an inappropriate relationship. They should have the maturity to have one of them transfer off the unit.

Is there any way to talk to your manager and express that staff have concerns? It might also be helpful to have a copy of some written policy.

Most people of course aren't going to do the above. They are going to gossip about the relationship, until rumors start that he's showing favoritism in one way or another. because anything benefit she gets won't be because she's earned it by working hard or longevity. The people involved are going to foolishly think they have staff support and will get hurt when they eventually get burned. Morale will suffer.

I hope someone does the right thing.

Tash4nvyblues, RN · Jul 21, 2008

Busyrnandmom, that is a really great story, I love happy endings, and the way you both went about your relationship was a credit to you both. If the couple are professional about it they probably shouldn't work on the same unit, for reasons already pointed out, especially when the relationship may go bad.

Just a little story of the subject slightly. My mum and dad are both nurses and as they worked in a country town the hospital wasn't a large one. Related to staff shortages mum ended up working in the er for a shift with my dad in charge. My dad did not put up with a lot of rubbish from patients who had minor complaints, who whinged that a chestpain may be seen before them. This particular shift a patient complained to my mum about my dad's verbal treatment of them. AWKWARD!!!!!!

CHATSDALE · Jul 22, 2008

i have seen this and sometimes it worked out fine and other times it did not

the thing is that it is not a decision that should be made by the other nurses on staff, if this is contrary to facility policy then steps should be made by them or by their superiors