Socially needy coworkers

Nurses General Nursing

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We have a newer coworker at one of my jobs. She seems to be universally annoying everyone there. She seems to want to intrude in every conversation with over sharing about her own life. She will show photo after photo of her cat in different poses and other really boring things. She has some shopping fetishes that she goes into great detail about.

She is a physically very large woman both in height and girth. She has a poor sense of personal space and gets into peoples bubbles. Not only that, she butts into patient care with grandstanding and trying to direct the person to do things her way right in front of the patient. She is extremely bossy and obtuse regarding how she's coming across. And any little fault she comes across she writes up. She's also poked into other people's charts for no reason.

I get the feeling that she is socially starved. How do you all deal with somebody like this? I think people are being nice enough to her face, but there is a lot of backbiting going on about how she is driving them crazy.

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Okay - while most posts have been helpful, the back and forth and name-calling is against the terms of service. Multiple posts have been deleted, either because they were directly violating TOS or they were quoting a now-deleted post and adding fuel to the fire.

Thanks.

Specializes in ED, Cardiac-step down, tele, med surg.
We have a newer coworker at one of my jobs. She seems to be universally annoying everyone there. She seems to want to intrude in every conversation with over sharing about her own life. She will show photo after photo of her cat in different poses and other really boring things. She has some shopping fetishes that she goes into great detail about.

She is a physically very large woman both in height and girth. She has a poor sense of personal space and gets into peoples bubbles. Not only that, she butts into patient care with grandstanding and trying to direct the person to do things her way right in front of the patient. She is extremely bossy and obtuse regarding how she's coming across. And any little fault she comes across she writes up. She's also poked into other people's charts for no reason.

I get the feeling that she is socially starved. How do you all deal with somebody like this? I think people are being nice enough to her face, but there is a lot of backbiting going on about how she is driving them crazy.

It would be so great if someone could talk to her face to face. It's awkward for sure, but gossip sucks and depletes morale of the department (in my opinion). It's one of the primary reasons I'm leaving my department is all the gossip. I don't care about who said what or did what or whatever and to have to listen to it annoys me to no end. Who knows what they say about me behind my back, but who cares!! It takes courage to be respectful and respect is telling someone the truth rather than being all sweet to their face and nasty behind their back. It's disgusting.

The co worker you describe sounds annoying as heck. Someone needs to explicitly tell her, obviously, no one has ever given her honest feedback in the past or she just doesn't care. I just think gossiping should be discouraged, it's so high school and good employees tend to leave in environments like these.

Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.

I once worked with an attention-seeker who claimed to have worked in Hollywood on television and movie sets, and she claimed to have babysat and dated famous people. One look at this woman would tell you that she was full of crap. She kept bringing up these things to the point that people just got fed up with her and stopped talking to her.

Sounds incredibly passive aggressive. Unfortunately, micromanaging when you do not have the authority to is a form of workplace aggression. This takes precedence helping her with her social needs. Acts of workplace aggression need to dealt with, and not looked over (according to my school's Potter and Perry text) Management can do both of those things (helping adress the aggression and social needs) concurrently. If you catch her looking at charts, I would ask her why. If she gives you an insubstantial answer, report it. Hospitals are coming down hard for looking at charts of patients that are not your own.

Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.
With all due respect, that is one of the least collegial, unkind, and nonproductive comments I've ever read. That is my professional and personal opinion.

Yeah, but it works. Unfortunately sometimes it is the ONLY approach that

works for dealing with a coworker such as this.

I have a question/thread I want to post and can not figure out how to do it even with the help information. Can someone help me please?

I have a question/thread I want to post and can not figure out how to do it even with the help information. Can someone help me please?

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Specializes in SCRN.

I would just ignore her, and find myself something to do every time she tries to talk. If she opens chart of not her patients, report it. If she comments about the care of the patient, tell her there is more than one way to "skin a cat". Pun indented.

Specializes in HIV.

You report her for HIPAA violation for looking at charts she doesn't belong in. Duh.

Hospitals are coming down hard for looking at charts of patients that are not your own.

Well, that certainly doesn't do a whole lot to encourage teamwork and promote the idea that we are all accountable for every patient. Heck, it only works out practically-speaking on a unit where no one ever helps anyone else.

I don't prefer to encourage this particular trend. I don't even think hospitals "believe in it," but they know it provides control and, when needed, expediency in dealing with staff issues just like the one we are discussing. It's no wonder we remain cogs in the wheel...so very little collective insight.

Specializes in Cardicac Neuro Telemetry.

To be completely honest, I feel sorry for this woman. It sounds like she just wants to be included but doesn't have the necessary social skills. I suspect she is insecure and it manifests itself in her bossy behavior. If you have proof that she looks at charts for no reason, then that needs to be addressed with management.

If I were in this situation, I would speak to her in a gentle manner in a private setting. Not from the angle that "everyone is talking about you because of how annoying you are" but from the angle of what you yourself have noticed. It will put her on the defense to tell her what "everyone" supposedly thinks. I'm sure she is aware that people are talking about her.

She sounds annoying but I think she just needs someone to befriend her. I bet her behavior will improve.

Only way to deal with this is to set clear professional boundaries.

If she butts into conversations, end the conversation and walk away.

Or say something like, "wow, isn't that funny. I was talking to (original conversation partner) about (original topic) and now we are talking about your cat/shopping/etc. Did you notice that you tend to interrupt conversations and steer them towards the topic of your interest?"

Either way, don't reward her behavior with attention. She'll just keep doing it. If you challenge her or fail to refill her narcissistic supply, she'll pick a new target.

If she is bossy, grandstanding, pokes into charts or interferes with your duties, especially in front of patients, take her aside and warn her ONCE to back off. Then complaint, in writing, to management. Take notes, keep dates, etc. Encourage others to do the same. They are not likely to respond at first and will think it's a personal conflict that you should work out. But if you document it well, are not alone in your complaints, keep it professional (focusing on how the behavior impacts your ability to perform your duties), then they will hopefully respond.

Good luck. You have a full-blown narcissist on your hands. Hopefully she'll move on soon. If not she'll be running the place.

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