Snarky classmate + anxiety issues

[pinkiepie_RN]

So this may not sound like a big deal to anyone, but a classmate made me feel really uncomfortable today on the way to, during, and from clinical. We carpool (there's three of us that live close) and today was my day to drive. Fine, but not when I get comments that I'm not driving fast enough and why am I not in the other lane. She's also been making fun of me and I feel like I'm being belittled. I didn't let it get to me on the way to clinical but during our lunch break I was yelled at because I didn't psychically know that they wanted me to pull over at whatever food place. For some reason her door wouldn't open from the inside (child safety locks on a new car that I never pulled and couldn't figure out how to fix), I thought I fixed it, told her to open the door or at least try and got "Well I already did. You think I like having you open the door for me?" I feel like I was totally at her mercy and then on the drive home it got worse. I was driving in the "slow lane" and traffic was pretty even (or so I thought) in all the lanes. She asked me "Why are you in the slow lane?" so I got over. Then it was "Why aren't you merging?" when I felt I couldn't get up to speed to merge without causing an accident.

These are all little things and I just don't know how to deal with this girl. She's always come off to me as someone with a "holier than thou" air about her and I'm a pretty passive person. I've been diagnosed with anxiety problems and take something PRN (which I'll take before clinical next week to hopefully not be as easily put off) but I want to be able to deal with this girl. I get anxious when I drive in a car with peers for some reason and I tend to be more cautious than anything. Should I confront her and say "You're making me anxious and I'd for you to be a little less critical and demanding?" or should I just lay low? I don't like to use my anxiety as a crutch but I tend to avoid most obvious anxiety triggers. Nursing and interacting with people are things that I love and I'm only anxious when I feel like someone is looking down on me.

I don't want to rock the boat but this is the second week in a row she's been snarky with me and only me. I also would rather not confront the clinical instructor because we're all adults and I'd like to be able to work it out. I don't want to be best friends with this girl but I want to be able to resolve a problem if there's one to be solved.

Anyone have any advice for me?

[NewNurseyGirl2009]

That's crap and I would not put up with it. Find some other people to carpool with. School is stressful enough you dont need that. Also it will come back to bite her one of these days. Let's see what attitude she has when she seems above everyone else and is working the floor. I guarentee you the aides and other nurses will not put up with that.

[caliotter3]

Change your transportation situation. Working it out with this person is probably not worth the effort and she most likely has something going on with her that you can't do a thing about. You don't have the time or the energy to be dealing with other people's emotional issues. Avoid sitting next to her in class. Just avoid her. Concentrate on what you need to be concentrating on. Personally, I don't think any carpool arrangement is worth dealing with that kind of behavior. Let her drive herself if she wants to alienate everyone.

[Blove86]

That's crap and I would not put up with it. Find some other people to carpool with. School is stressful enough you dont need that. Also it will come back to bite her one of these days. Let's see what attitude she has when she seems above everyone else and is working the floor. I guarentee you the aides and other nurses will not put up with that.

Cosigns, if someone is riding in your car, then they better be appreciative of the ride, and shut their mouth's about how you do things, or find someone else to carpool with, thats all!

[rn/writer, RN]

You can try pulling over and stopping the car. When she asks why, you can say that you don't want to force anyone to ride with you who is so unhappy with your driving skills.

She is doing this because she can. We teach people how to treat us, and you have taught her that she can yap-yap-yap you to death with criticism, and you will just sit there and take it. There are a lot of pushy people around and a good percentage of them back off when they are called on it. Trouble is, too many of their peers don't want to rock the boat or come off as rude (like the offender worries about that), so they just endure, while they are fuming on the inside.

You can tell her to just knock it off.

You can turn and walk away without debating anything with her.

You can say, "Excuse me?" like you can't quite believe you just heard her say something so petty/stupid/outrageous.

You can fix her with a disapproving stare and say, "Oh, puh-leeze!"

Doing any of these is better than doing nothing. Taking a passive and fearful approach only communicates that you would like her to do more of the same.

You don't have to be vengefully obnoxious. The goal here is to give her the message that you are not a doormat and that if she wants to co-exist with you she will either learn some manners or keep her distance.

Good luck with her.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

That is when you pull the car over to the side, turn around and tell her "Enough! I am tired of hearing you complain". Then proceed. People can only take advantage of you if you let them.

[pinkiepie_RN]

Change your transportation situation. Working it out with this person is probably not worth the effort and she most likely has something going on with her that you can't do a thing about. You don't have the time or the energy to be dealing with other people's emotional issues. Avoid sitting next to her in class. Just avoid her. Concentrate on what you need to be concentrating on. Personally, I don't think any carpool arrangement is worth dealing with that kind of behavior. Let her drive herself if she wants to alienate everyone.

Thanks. Personally, given my experience today I'd rather drive myself than have her in my car. I'm not sure how I feel about being in a car with her or my other classmate driving because if she's not focused on me then it's not an issue. I think when she or my classmate drives next week, I'll see how it goes. If she brings up how big of an issue it was then I'll just say "I'm not going to drive with such criticism coming from you."

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

It would be advisable, wise, and prudent to manage your anxiety issues before you enter the working world of nursing. Here's why.

Patients, visitors, family members, coworkers, and doctors can be especially vicious in the workplace, and they'll pick on people whom they perceive to be easy targets. Our fellow nurses can sometimes be the worst bullies, but they'll only pick on people who offer no resistance to the bullying behaviors.

Doctors yell at some nurses while leaving others alone. Guess what? They're going to yell at the passive nurse who will not confront the yelling.

You definitely don't want to stand out as a patsy. You must address the aggressive behavior of others, or you will always be a target.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Confront her about her behavior during the car ride. If that doesn't work, to solve the carpool problem, either stop letting her ride with you, or let her drive and you give her as good as you got. I know, "two wrongs..." but sometimes people don't realize how bad their behavior is until they become the target of it themselves. Talk to her first and work it out--that is the far better solution.

Since you really can't do either of those at clinical, though...again, first rationally confront her and try to work it out. If that doesn't work, then focus on yourself and don't worry about her. If she sees you won't be cowed she'll move to other targets. If she does start causing problems for you at clinical after you try talking to her, then I would not hesitate to bring it to the CI's attention.

And like Commuter says, you need to work on the anxiety issues now, or they will put you through a lot of agony later.

[itsmyturn]

Its funny you bring this up... one of the first things the instructors told us was do not carpool with anyone else because you don't want to be put in the position of having to deal with someone elses time schedule and half way through the program your gonna end up hating that person. Some people are just all about themselves and she will learn quickly from her snarky self.

[pinkiepie_RN]

It would be advisable, wise, and prudent to manage your anxiety issues before you enter the working world of nursing. Here's why.

Patients, visitors, family members, coworkers, and doctors can be especially vicious in the workplace, and they'll pick on people whom they perceive to be easy targets. Our fellow nurses can sometimes be the worst bullies, but they'll only pick on people who offer no resistance to the bullying behaviors.

Doctors yell at some nurses while leaving others alone. Guess what? They're going to yell at the passive nurse who will not confront the yelling.

You definitely don't want to stand out as a patsy. You must address the aggressive behavior of others, or you will always be a target.

Thanks for your comment and advice.

I've always tried to be assertive when it comes to things like projects and that kind of thing and most of the people I've met in nursing school have treated me as an equal. I often tend to wander around wearing rose-colored glasses and feel if someone has a problem with me, then it's my problem. I'm working on changing that and what better time than now!

[kcochrane]

Its funny you bring this up... one of the first things the instructors told us was do not carpool with anyone else because you don't want to be put in the position of having to deal with someone elses time schedule and half way through the program your gonna end up hating that person. Some people are just all about themselves and she will learn quickly from her snarky self.

I agree, in my experience, it is rare that a car pool experience turns out well.

To the OP. I would definately not bring up the fact that she makes you anxious. It will give her more ammo to use on you. I would politely ask her to keep quiet when you are driving, because she is distracting you. If she does not stop, than start driving yourself. It is just not worth it. The fact that she only gives you trouble is a big hint here. She knows she can get away with it with you. Observe when others drive and see if you can notice why she doesn't give them a hard time.

I appluad you for working on your issues. Age helps a bit with that. . It took me until middle age not to take everything someone says to heart. Now, if you don't like me, that's your problem. Move along.

Keep up the good work. :)