So this may not sound like a big deal to anyone, but a classmate made me feel really uncomfortable today on the way to, during, and from clinical. We carpool (there's three of us that live close) and today was my day to drive. Fine, but not when I get comments that I'm not driving fast enough and why am I not in the other lane. She's also been making fun of me and I feel like I'm being belittled. I didn't let it get to me on the way to clinical but during our lunch break I was yelled at because I didn't psychically know that they wanted me to pull over at whatever food place. For some reason her door wouldn't open from the inside (child safety locks on a new car that I never pulled and couldn't figure out how to fix), I thought I fixed it, told her to open the door or at least try and got "Well I already did. You think I like having you open the door for me?" I feel like I was totally at her mercy and then on the drive home it got worse. I was driving in the "slow lane" and traffic was pretty even (or so I thought) in all the lanes. She asked me "Why are you in the slow lane?" so I got over. Then it was "Why aren't you merging?" when I felt I couldn't get up to speed to merge without causing an accident.
These are all little things and I just don't know how to deal with this girl. She's always come off to me as someone with a "holier than thou" air about her and I'm a pretty passive person. I've been diagnosed with anxiety problems and take something PRN (which I'll take before clinical next week to hopefully not be as easily put off) but I want to be able to deal with this girl. I get anxious when I drive in a car with peers for some reason and I tend to be more cautious than anything. Should I confront her and say "You're making me anxious and I'd for you to be a little less critical and demanding?" or should I just lay low? I don't like to use my anxiety as a crutch but I tend to avoid most obvious anxiety triggers. Nursing and interacting with people are things that I love and I'm only anxious when I feel like someone is looking down on me.
I don't want to rock the boat but this is the second week in a row she's been snarky with me and only me. I also would rather not confront the clinical instructor because we're all adults and I'd like to be able to work it out. I don't want to be best friends with this girl but I want to be able to resolve a problem if there's one to be solved.
What ever you decide, do not tell any other students about the anxiety problems. You didn't say what you use PRN, but if it has the potential to interfere with care (drowsiness etc.), you need to clear it with your CI.
I'm with the rest, I'd drop the carpool. Use the time for gearing up for and destressing after clinicals. Good luck!
Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
I agree, in my experience, it is rare that a car pool experience turns out well.
To the OP. I would definately not bring up the fact that she makes you anxious. It will give her more ammo to use on you. I would politely ask her to keep quiet when you are driving, because she is distracting you. If she does not stop, than start driving yourself. It is just not worth it. The fact that she only gives you trouble is a big hint here. She knows she can get away with it with you. Observe when others drive and see if you can notice why she doesn't give them a hard time.
I appluad you for working on your issues. Age helps a bit with that. . It took me until middle age not to take everything someone says to heart. Now, if you don't like me, that's your problem. Move along.
Keep up the good work. :)
Thanks. It's funny, because I carpooled with a classmate last semester and it worked beautifully. I think when you add multiple people to it, that's where it has more potential to go funny. When others drive (her or my other classmate), there's singing in the car and all sorts of conversation. Nothing but awkward silence, humming to the radio, and her rude comments from the backseat. This is the first time that I've driven and it will be 3 weeks until I have to drive again, so I'll see what happens between now and then. I thought about the whole "giving her more ammo" thing with the anxiety and it makes sense. I feel like I'm dealing with a bully, which is something that I thought went away after high school.
Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Miranda said everything I would have :)
What ever you decide, do not tell any other students about the anxiety problems. You didn't say what you use PRN, but if it has the potential to interfere with care (drowsiness etc.), you need to clear it with your CI.
I'm with the rest, I'd drop the carpool. Use the time for gearing up for and destressing after clinicals. Good luck!
I take 0.5 - 1 mg of Klonopin PRN and it hasn't affected my ability to care since taking it, but I will clear it with my CI just to be certain. I've been trying to convince myself that I don't need PRNs, but this semester certainly has been anxiety producing.
Could it be that this other person's snarkiness and mean-ness is her outlet for her own anxiety about clinical? Or maybe she just doesn't realize she's doing it? Either way, I agree with the others, I would drop the car-pool, if she asks why, be honest. Tell her that you don't have the time or energy to deal with being pushed around by a classmate.
I have to drive almost an hour to get to class and clinical, and even though I probably could, I don't carpool. I like to have that time to myself while driving to just unwind from the day's activites.
I am sorry for you. I know what you mean about "snarky" classmates. Lately its really been bothering me because our class is very close knit and everyone seems to be very judgemental and quick with their tongue. I wish I knew what to tell you but I am not one to stand up for myself too often, not out of weakness just because I dont like having more issues brought into my already crazy life. I would suggest to honestly, pray about it. I dont know if you have any religious beliefs and I dont mean to sound that way but its what I would do. If someone is really bothering you though, you should say something to them when you feel the timings right. Corney or not I think there really is a time and place for everyone to say something and I think you'll get that time. Dont let it go though or keep happening. One of the other replies said that we allow people to talk to us the way they do and until we stop it they wont ever stop and it is true. You deserve respect just like everyone else. Best of luck.
This woman sounds incompatible as a carpooler. She is a terrible backseat driver, she is cranky and intolerant, and she expects mind reading.
I had a carpool for nursing school, we had three core participants who were all on time and got along. We weeded out some others based on their tardiness and the fact that one girl wanted us to provide her with the homework on the hour long drive, plus she annoyed us.
I'll bet the others in the group noticed what a ***** this nasty woman was, maybe try to talk to someone in the group whom you click with and start your own carpool. I wouldn't be hopping to when she tells me what lane to get in, that's for darn tootin'! You need to learn to be less submissive and more assertive!
Sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I'm in the same boat as you. I'm in third semester, and my "friend" constantly makes fun of my clothes, how I drive, etc. She's basically a bully. I'm a very passive and anxious person too. What I have resorted to is just ignoring her. Let her find someone else to pick on. We stopped carpooling and I feel so much better driving to school without having her breathing down my neck. I'll never see her again after graduation anyway. Hang in there!
You can't go to the clinical instructor because this is not a clinical or school issue its a personal issue. Tell the girl to knock it off..period. If she doesn't get snarky back with her, and if she still doesn't them kick her out of the carpool or find other arrangements for yourself.
. It took me until middle age not to take everything someone says to heart. Now, if you don't like me, that's your problem. Move along. 
JBudd, MSN
3,836 Posts
Miranda said everything I would have :)
What ever you decide, do not tell any other students about the anxiety problems. You didn't say what you use PRN, but if it has the potential to interfere with care (drowsiness etc.), you need to clear it with your CI.
I'm with the rest, I'd drop the carpool. Use the time for gearing up for and destressing after clinicals. Good luck!