single moms and working late

llg, PhD, RN · Nov 2, 2006

I can understand your concern for the welfare of your child -- and you may well decide that you need to switch jobs at this point in your life for the sake of your family committments. However, I would be careful about assuming that people with husbands (and/or childless people) should make sacrifices for your personal life.

Regardless of the choices we have made in life regarding marriage, children, educational level, etc., most of us have personal lives and personal needs that need to be considered as we make decisions about our careers. The childless person may have elderly parents that need care ... or a disabled sibling, etc. Another person may have some health problems that need to be considered, etc. etc. etc.

That's what career planning is all about -- assessing your personal situation, your talents, your interests, and your personal preferences and making choices about your career that are right for you as you go through the different stages of your life and the different stages of your career.

Maybe this is the time to do a serious self-assessment so that you can either decide to move on or decide to stay and work things out within the confines of where you are.

Good luck to you, whichever you decide.

llg

angel337, MSN, RN · Nov 3, 2006

i won't work 12's for the exact reason that you stated. i feel horrible getting home late and putting my daughter to bed even later. occasionally i will work no more that 2 12's in a week and even then i think it is too much. just like llg said, you need to reassess your family life/obligations. nurses do it all the time, which is why the flexibility makes it worthwhile. try finding a nursing job that offers 8 hour shifts. you may have to work more days, but at least you will feel better, and your child will have a regular schedule.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Nov 3, 2006

I have a young child started school this year. I work 12 hours shift days- so the 12 hours turn into getting home at 10 pm sometimes- then picking her up at the babysitters. I try not to work three in a row for this reason- that would be three night in a row where she is getting to bed late than waking up at 6 am to be dropped off again at the babysitters to do it all over again. I have had my current job for 15 years- but have seriously thought about looking for another with short hours in the evening for this reason. I am tired of the fact that I am the only one responsible for her and the only single mom on the floor not being taken into consideration when the schedule is out. Instead of me complaining, I just do what is left on the schedule. The one who does the most complaining is the one young 21 year old without children without school committments. how do other single moms work such late hours? Does it ever make you upset that nursing jobs do not take into consideration single parents?

My regrets that this is difficult for you. Hopefully it you can work something out with your current situation or find a better one for you and your child's needs.

However, you being a single mother has nothing to do with what goes on with the schedule. It does not entitle you to special privileges over those "young 21 year olds without children and without school commitments". Blunt as this may sound, you chose parenthood and chose to keep your child, no matter how you ended up single and a parent. And while it is a hard road, you chose this life for its advantages and benefits, but have to deal with the disadvantages that come with.

Those "21 year olds" have made choices - they have chosen to focus on career first, instead of early sex/parenthood. They do not come home to a beautiful child, but they also have more freedom. Or they are childless because they cannot have children, in some cases.

You need to be more assertive in voicing your needs regarding the schedule. But it is in your best interest not to use the "childless 21 year olds" as leverage.....they have their own priorities that are just as important as yours.

As far as nursing not taking single parenthood into consideration, I know of very few careers that take parenthood into consideration. This is not unique to nursing. But nurses are one of the few groups that consistantly expect special consideration for parenthood.... considering that I as a single woman is expected to give up all celebration of major holidays, ..."because I don't have children"...and have to work for the parents to be off.

HappyNurse2005, RN · Nov 4, 2006

Do you live far away? 12 hour shifts and you get home at 10pm?? is this a 7a-7p shift? wow. thats just really long after a shift.

could you work night shift? then you would only miss her for the few hours from when you leave til bedtime and first thing in the morning.

are those 3 days worth it to you to have 4 days off? you could work 7a-3p but only have 2 days off.

or is there somewhere else in the hospital you'd be willing to work? or somewhere closer?

i doubt too many will be sympathetic to your single parent status in schedule considerations-using the "i have a kid" leverage to get a better schedule doesn't usually go over well, at all.

good luck-i know its hard to leave what you're used to. how old is your child-what does she/he think?

AZmom · Nov 4, 2006

Single mom status shouldn't give you extra privledges, but having been there 15 YEARS should count for something.

PANurseRN1 · Nov 5, 2006

I have a young child started school this year. I work 12 hours shift days- so the 12 hours turn into getting home at 10 pm sometimes- then picking her up at the babysitters. I try not to work three in a row for this reason- that would be three night in a row where she is getting to bed late than waking up at 6 am to be dropped off again at the babysitters to do it all over again. I have had my current job for 15 years- but have seriously thought about looking for another with short hours in the evening for this reason. I am tired of the fact that I am the only one responsible for her and the only single mom on the floor not being taken into consideration when the schedule is out. Instead of me complaining, I just do what is left on the schedule. The one who does the most complaining is the one young 21 year old without children without school committments. how do other single moms work such late hours? Does it ever make you upset that nursing jobs do not take into consideration single parents?

Sorry, but you lost my sympathy as soon as you started in on the single young nurse with no obligations.

You chose to be a nurse. You chose to have a child. You are responsible for making it work. If that means finding another position with better hours, then maybe you need to do that. It is not fair to give people with children accommodations that others who are childless won't receive. What makes your home situation more important than someone else's?

It is not up to your single co-workers or your manager to make your hours more family friendly. That is your responsibility.

I can hardly wait for the inevitable flaming, as well as the "I have kids and have to work X-mas/T-giving and my single co-worker who has no kids is off" threads.

Vesuvian · Aug 31, 2011

Don't you think your being a bit harsh?! This society is no way set up to support single mothers which is a disgrace. Everyone should have the right to work and not struggle to make shifts due to disadvantages. Why are people so against single mothers?? Surely it's better they work instead of sucking the system!! An then they get grief for trying to be a mum and provide! What if your partner died or was a complete ass hole and left you? Would you expect a little support perhaps. We all make decisions in life that may have negative effects in the future but I don't see why the NHS can't accept people come from all different backgrounds and may need flexible hours! It's not easy just to give up your career because you find yourself against a brick wall with childcare, are you suggesting she leaves her job? There's nothing you an do other than nursing wig that degree. She is trapped.

Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN · Aug 31, 2011

Why are people so against single mothers??

I didn't see anyone being "against single mothers". What I hear being voiced is that people are against someone receiving or expecting preferential treatment/scheduling because of their home situation.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Aug 31, 2011

don't you think your being a bit harsh?! this society is no way set up to support single mothers which is a disgrace. everyone should have the right to work and not struggle to make shifts due to disadvantages. why are people so against single mothers?? surely it's better they work instead of sucking the system!! an then they get grief for trying to be a mum and provide! what if your partner died or was a complete ass hole and left you? would you expect a little support perhaps. we all make decisions in life that may have negative effects in the future but i don't see why the nhs can't accept people come from all different backgrounds and may need flexible hours! it's not easy just to give up your career because you find yourself against a brick wall with childcare, are you suggesting she leaves her job? there's nothing you an do other than nursing wig that degree. she is trapped.

no one is against single mothers -- we're just against being expected to work around her preferred schedule because she has a child and someone else doesn't. or because someone else has a husband and she doesn't. the op is the person who chose to have a child and who chose to be a nurse. presumably she knew about the twelve hour shifts when she took the job.

once the op started in on "21 year olds who have no children", she lost my sympathy.

llg, PhD, RN · Aug 31, 2011

Don't you just love it when someone ressurects an ancient thread like this? The OP probably moved on years ago.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 1, 2011

don't you just love it when someone ressurects an ancient thread like this? the op probably moved on years ago.

i confess, i missed the part about how the thread was started five years ago. the child is five years closer to independence now!