shunned nurse

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Sep 21, 2005

Tell your coworkers to grow up. As they are not realizing that if it wasnt her they would just find someone else to talk about. Nature of the beast. If they concentrated as much on their own jobs then they wouldnt have time to gossip anyway, now would they.

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Sep 21, 2005

Sounds to me like the "shunned" nurse is an awesome nurse who really cares about her pts' welfare, and things being done right. Also sounds like she knows how to delegate (a hard thing for many nurses to do) and that some of the CNAs don't like her because she won't let them be lazy, and she doesn't do their work for them (also a problem w/ a lot of nurses). Yes, this shunned nurse has her faults- grouchy/bossy, but she seems to be aware of them, and at least warned you not to take her gouchiness personally.

Let me ask you- if someone you loved were a pt in this facility, would you want the "shunned" nurse to take care of them, or one of the lazy gossipers?

Nurses who don't take any crap and make sure that what needs to be done is done are often unpopular, but they are very effective nurses.

You don't have to take sides- don't say any bad word about any staff to any other staff. You can get along in this facility without being a back-stabber like some of the others.

Editorial Team / Admin · Sep 21, 2005

Sounds as if they are a bunch of back biting gossips and not worth your time and effort.

grinnurse, RN · Sep 22, 2005

Dear Mediatix8,

Sounds like you had a good preceptor. Be strong and stand up for her b/c it sounds like she would stand up for you. One thing you could say when all this gossip starts at the nurses station is "If this is going to be the topic of conversation, I will go somewhere else to do my work". Sounds to me that if they are talking about her if you befriend them you will likely be the topic of conversation as well at some point!! It's not easy being strong in these situations. One of my preceptors is in this same position except she wasn't "grouchy" or anything, she is also a very thorough nurse, and is criticized for being this way too!! It's a good thing that she has delegation down, maybe you could learn that from her too if she isn't delegating and sitting on her behind when she could be helping the CNA. It needs to be a team effort and the back biting should be brought to the attention of the supervisor or even go up the chain of command to get it to stop.

Good luck.

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Sep 22, 2005

I think you owe her your support. She sounds like an excellent nurse. She certainly treated you well, and it sounds like she was mentoring you when she had you try the difficult IV stick. I am sure she sould have just done it herself faster if she just wanted to get it done.

At some point you are going to have to take a stand. In this situation I have said something like this "she has always been supportive and fair to me, I respect your opinion, but please do not speak badly of her to me as that has not been my experience. I would do the same for you if anyone spoke badly about you to me."

Please don't take the easy way out and allow others to change your experience of this nurse just because you don't want to go against the flow. she deserves better. Maybe you can start to change the culture on the unit by your actions.

Good luck.

KatieBell · Sep 23, 2005

Personally, I'd try to conciously shift the topic of conversation OFF of the nurse. Talk about your wedding, what types of gowns people prefer, sit down dinners or reception style party...bring up current events, hurricane Katrina/Rita, the War in Iraq, upcoming holidays- halloween costumes etc, play the game "chuck f**k or marry" (great fun at night when it is too quiet). If you get too high and mighty, people will get annoyed, and throw you to the wolves. Now, if directly questioned about your preceptor, I'd openly say, "She was an excellent preceptor, I learned a lot from her, and I think she gives good patient care." Don't sell out on her.

I'd also make your Nurse Manager aware of this. In general the NM can set the tone for a unit. If you take on that role yourself, as a new grad, just off orientation, I think you will totally burn out. Good Luck. I don't envy your position.

GrnHonu99, RN · Sep 23, 2005

id just ignore it, who cares if some backstabbing coworkers dont want to be your friend? Big loss...if its really bothering you confront them but just remember confronting them will prob cause them just to talk more behind your back so i guess it really isnt worth mentioning.

tencat · Sep 23, 2005

Boy, it sure sounds like high school to me.....they need to grow up. If the CNA that the shunned nurse likes says anything bad about her, you might mention that the nurse has told you how good she is at being a CNA. It's fun to watch someone's face when you do this...... :rolleyes: It often takes the wind out of their sails when you throw them information like that. Yeah, this doesn't win you any popularity contests, but so what? Be a good friend and don't add any more negatives to their conversation. They'll stop talking about it around you if you don't participate. They might start talking about you.......again, so what? give them something interesting to talk about! Starting rumors about yourself is really fun. :chuckle

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Sep 25, 2005

You had a wonderful preceptor as you described her! Do you know how lucky you are to have had a very experienced nurse take you by the hand and show you the ropes? There is still a lot you can learn from this nurse. You worked with her, so trust what you have observed with your own eyes. The CNAs and other nurses bad mouth her because she has put them in their place and won't tolerate any crap from them. What cowards they are to talk about her behind her back, unlike her, who I am sure, would cut them down in an instant if they gave her any trouble.

So, here is what I think. I think you should stop listening to or participating in any of this gossip that is going on. And, that's what it is--gossip! These people will talk about this nurse in front of you because they know you are listening. Don't give them an audience. Just get up and walk away when they start this gossiping or tell them you don't want them to talk about this nurse like that in front of you. When people came to me with a complaint about someone who was a co-worker I would tell them they needed to talk this over with the person they were complaining about and not me. Eventually they'll get the idea and stop doing it. Gossip is a very infectious and insidious disease. If this lady is having these people do so much of "her" work, why is it they have so much time to stand around talking about her? I'll tell you why. Long ago when she found them standing around and gossiping she gave them something useful to do. That's why they don't do it on the days she works. If she's truly done something wrong to a patient the people to be telling that to are the supervisors and managers, not all the other staff working on the floor. As you go on in your career you are going to look back on your experience you got from this nurse and thank your lucky stars you had her as a preceptor. Read some of the horrible stories that have been posted on this forum by new grads placed with preceptors who could have cared less about them. Keep on being this nurses friend and supporting her. She's taken very good care of you. Return the favor and do the same for her, kiddo.

mich_01085 · Oct 23, 2005

I graduated not too long ago and got this job, right. And they set me up this this one preceptor. I was hearing stories about how some of the CNAs didn't like her, that she asks them to do things she could do herself or whatever. I heard form someone else that she could be crabby sometimes, but that I'd learn a lot from her. Then, before I officially worked with this preceptor, the preceptor herself informed me that she could be a real grouch sometimes and that when that happens, to just not pay any attention to her. So, I thought well that's good that she put it that way so I won't have to worry too much if she's mean or whatever. So I was then being trained by her and for the most part, it went well. Usually she was fairly nice. We would also go on breaks together and whatnot. We even went out to breakfast once and I thought it was nice of her to ask and everything. She was grouchy a few times to me, like one time she was kind of yelling that I was getting behind with things, when there was a patient who was a terrible stick and needed a new IV. She ended up doing it without even having me try because this lady was so bad... and I stayed behind to watch her do it and it took quite a while. But, nothing too major. She was grouchy to this one agency nurse once because she misunderstood what he was saying and thought he didn't want to work on our unit because he was saying how he usually just works in ICU. I did notice she would delegate a lot to the CNA's... like if a patient wanted water, she would ask them to get it (often I would just do it but she would ask them many times). I was kind of used to seeing that when I was being trained for 2 weeks on the morning shift. Anyways, after some time I started noticing that when she wasn't there, I would hear the CNA'S talking bad about her... openly, at the nurse's station. In front of the nurses, who didn't say anything. I heard a nurse who worked the shift before talking bad abouth her once, saying that she is mean and how she can't wait until she goes on vacation. The CNA's would generally discuss nothing specific, just general comments about how it was a good day if she wasn't here, and how they couldn't wait until she goes on vacation. This gossip started to get more and more, and soon it became a real hot topic of conversation for the CNAs to talk bad about her when she wasn't there. I'd feel bad, because I know this shunned nurse really likes the one CNA that does the most gossiping. The shunned nurse would often tell me how good this CNA is and how knowledgable she is, and how she can't function properly when she isn't there. Once time the CNA had to float to another unit, and the shunned nurse called that floor to see if she wanted to come down for break and eat the food we had. Well, anyways, she came back form vacation and I continued to talk with her, taking breaks together and stuff, even though it was kind of weird that none of hte CNAs liked her. I even invited her to my wedding... seems like some people don't like me too much because they know we take breaks together and talk occassionally. I never talk bad about her. After today, I think thigns might be changing, but before I noticed that they'd talk to her when she was there like nothing was wrong, and then gossip when she wasn't there. I am on my own now and she still helps me with questions, although she does ask me to do things for her, too... like she often is in charge and had me help with checking the crash cart, which actually is her job. But that only takes a couple minutes. She had me try a hard stick on a patient that wasn't mine... but the nurse of the patient wasn't good at IVs so the shunned nurse had me give it a try... but I wasn't behind that day and didn't mind it too much... well, maybe a little... but not really. Now I am hearing the nurses talk bad about her too, with the CNAs, at the nurses's station, all day long when she isn't working. She is the main topic of conversation at the station when she is not working. Today I heard about how this one float nurse won't work on our unit because of her, and then I head this crazy story that I really can't believe is true, Supposedly a patient said that she took her funcitoning IV out, said that she didn't need it, and then did not reinsert a new one, which denied the patient her very needed dilaudid for the entire night. Even more, supposedly this shunned nurse told the next shift that it was the patient who took her IV out. I had that patient today... she is very nice and orientated. She did mention to me that she had a problem with one of the nurses taking her IV out and how the other nurses encouraged her to report her, but that she wasn't going to... she just didnt want her as her nurse anymore. Well I don't know what happened, really... but when this nurse was precepting me, she was excellent with the patients. She was really up my "you know what" for everything. She had everyhting about the patients memorized in her head; she knew off the top her her head without looking at any notes what tests they were having, what lab was low or high, everything. She had all the answers to their quesitons and all the patients liked her. She was really big on pain management and would ask them before they asked her if they needed anything for pain. So.. I don't know... but based on what I saw, I am leaning towards the incident with that patient being some kind of misunderstanding, or maybe she was thinking of a different patient on accident when she told the next nurse the patient took her IV out. Maybe there was something wrong with her IV and she took it out and genuinely forgot to reinsert a new one... I don't know... but when she was my preceptor, she was very good with patients- talked with them for a long time about their treatment, and assessed them very diligently. That's all I know. But once the nurses found out about that incident, they were all talking about it at the nurse's station and didn't question it being a misunderstanding and were saying how they hope she gets reported. They told me to stop doing the crash cart checks because that is her job and stuff. They were complaining about how she wants everyone else to do her job and stuff, and about how she stays too late in the morning as if she does it on purpose to get more overtime. That one might be true, but also I know she is perfectionistic with everything- assessing, charting, investigating- and that leads one to stay late. Well, I don't know what to do anymore. I know she really can be grouchy sometimes, but she seemed to always be willing to help when others needed her. To me, she was usually helpful and relatively nice, but sometimes annoying/grouchy/bossy... but overall not too bad. At work I feel like i have this lady's name written on my forehead, I am the only one who doesnt talk bad about her and i associate with her. I feel that this is going to wear off on me soon and I will be shunned too. They talk bad about her right in front of me, and don't often initiate conversations with me. If anyone out there has read my entire thread, tell me what you think.

long note, have you tried to (gently) remind your co-workers that talking about anyone wont do any good?? It is always best to talk to the person you have a problem with, but if your scared too, then seek out the shift supervisor and tell her your concerns. People tend to have a pack mentality when it comes to gossip, just keep doing your best to be the best nurse you can be. If they are willing to talk openly about her you can bet that all employees are fare game for them. Good luck,