i shouldnt have laughed

[thisnurse]

i was in a patients room helping an assitant (not mine) put a patient on a cart. i got my assistant to help and as we were pulling her she shit all over the place.

she was the kind of patient who makes up for her lack of orientation in the volume of her sound. she would scream nonsense out into the halls. one thing she like to yell was WATER...GET ME SOME WATER...

you could have stood there forever giving her water. In between the gulps she was screaming she needed water.

The other patients and family members thought we were keeping her prisoner and abusing her.

So my assistant and I are waiting for the other to come back with some linnens and the woman of course, asks for water. my assistant looks at her and says NO. im just standing there wondering what??? And this old woman is also astonished. She stops puckering to scream W A T E R again but realizes the resoponse is different so she looks right at my assistant and asks WHY?

this is the FIRST bit of sense she made since her admission three days ago. i am amazed by the scene thats playing before my eyes.

BECAUSE YOU SHIT ON MY FRIEND THATS WHY

i couldnt believe my assitant said that.

i didnt know what to do for a minute. then i just turned around and walked out of the room. i thought i would pizz myself.

[DF-LPN]

we had this res who was constantly up and down....as soon as you got her up she'd want to go to bed and vice versa. one of the afternoon nurses told her no, we just got up up and you have to saty up for at least an hour. the res looked at her and said, you not a very nice polish person! the nurse well thats because i'm german.....the res looked at her and said, that figures you Nazi *****!

we all busted up at that one, even the res laughed:devil:

[Shevalove]

Ohhh JuJu,

They really know how to pull at your heart strings don't they?

[nursejer]

I had a patient who was experiencing some COPD exacerbation after a long ETOH binge, who I was dragging down to his room while he was extremely dyspneic and his lungs began to get junky and he could not ough up the secretions. I was hurrying to get a deep suction catheter up his nose when he pushed my hands away and said " I think your trying to have sex with me, thats it, thats what your doing!" It did lighten the situation!!

[stressedlpn]

I once had a very small woman in our lock down unit. She only weighed around 100lbs but could take down four of us nurses without any effort at all. One morning after a truely bad night I had a black eye and another nurse had a split lip the doctor came in to see her we warned him that she was hell on wheels, he of course did not listen(this is the same man who refused to give us an order for valium that we had begged for). The family would only let us put her behind a half door no other restaints. the MD walked over to the half door and was going to show us how to care and calm this pt. right at that moment this little lady reached up grabbed his hair with one hand and began hitting him with one of her shoes needless to say we got our prn order for i.m valium withins min. of freeing him

[BjOnrs]

:chuckle ALLRIGHT!! Serves him right. They never think we know what we're talking about and they only see them 5 or 10 minutes out of the day. I hope he never forgetsthat encounter. LOL:roll

[RNinICU]

I once had a patient who accused me of practicing witchcraft on him. He arrested and died the next day.

[donmurray]

Is that a confession? LOL

One of my ladies dislocated a finger, and a cocky young Dr. decided he would reduce it right there, without pain relief! As he stood over her sat in her chair in the resident's lounge, her other hand came up and grabbed his tie. She pulled him toward her till his chin was on her shoulder, then brought her knee sharply up into his groin again and again until he let go and sank to the floor! The assembled nurses stood around trying not to laugh too loudly, but were all too incapacitated to assist. She had the reduction later, with a general anaesthetic!

[l.rae]

years ago i worked in an ecf, we had a little demented lady who was quite mischiveous. of course we would egg her on. when asked what she wanted for breakfast, she would reply, "pancakes and intercourse!" every time. one day she was in her room sitting in her gerri-chair and the maintence guy was in there on a ladder changing a light bulb. i guess she got bored cause she reached over and grabbed his package and refused to let go! :eek:he finally had to call for help........:rotfl: .................lr

[sunnygirl272]

ok..here goes...when i worked in a hospital, we had 2 confused old bitties in a room...A-bed kept hollering that there was a snake in her bed...would go in an reassure her there was no snake, she was fine, she was in the hospital, etcetc..a bit later"there's a snake in my bed.." this went on til next turn&position round...flipped back the covers...and what to my wondering eyes should appear...B-bed had yanked out her own catheter, balloon fully inflated...tied it in these intircate macrame knots...and hid it in A-bed's bed...thought i would die laughing...

[heartmender]

When i was in orientation as a new nurse on our CCU i had a young lady who was only 35. She had severe cardiomyopathy, was on a vent, had an IABP, swan ganz, the works. Her husband and elderly father were standing by her bedside watching over her. Her father looked at me and said, "I just don't understand how this could happen. " Being the new nurse I was at the time and ever so eager to show off my knowledge I began to talk to them about her condition. I started ticking off all the usual risk factors for cardiac disease. My words went something like this, "there are several things that we have to think about, cholesterol, diabetes, hypertension, illness, smoking, family history and sex (meaning males over female have a higher risk)" The patient's father sat stunned for a minute then looked at me with the most shocked look and said, "Do you mean sex will do this to you?" The poor husband almost died laughing. I sat there stunned and sputtering. I couldn't wait to get out of the room before I exploded with laughter. I will never forget that moment:chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

[Vicki K]

When I was a brand new Grad, a quarter century or so ago, we were still practicing Team Nursing. It was my task, as the GN (not the Team Leader) to take the scale around and weigh all the patients on my Gen. Med. floor while the Team Leaders were in Report.

Every morning, I'd go into this sweet little old lady's room and find a stool in the corner. Each morning, I'd ask her, "Couldn't you find your way to the bathroom? Why didn't you call for help?" and the like. And each morning, she say "This crazy lady just walked into my room and squatted in the corner!" A likely story, no? And each morning, I'd chart that she had a soft, formed, Guaiac negative stool and that she was confused. It was Sunday, the last morning of my stretch, the floor had discharged several patients. Meaning that I got into the little old lady's room a bit earlier than usual. No stool in the corner! As I was helping her out of bed and onto the scale, a crazy lady scuttled into the room, squatted in the corner and defecated!!! I was so shocked, all I could do was watch her. NOW, it's funny.

Vicki K (Who would now probably be laughing too hard to do much but watch her!)

[JBudd, MSN]

I had an elderly somewhat confused monk on a MS floor some years ago, visiting from out of state......he lived in a retirement home in Louisiana so he had learned French as well as his English and Spanish. When he got going he used all 3 languages. Kept crawling out of bed over the rails and getting scolded for it, when one nurse had finally had enough she told him she was going to tell the pope on him. He was very put out, stayed in bed and muttered he hadn't either done anything bad enough to tell the pope!