Should I tell my friend that she is dying?

potato · Apr 17, 2007

Should I just butt out and go along with the lie or tell her the truth?

I think you should do whatever feels right to you. Deal with the consequences later.

morte, LPN, LVN · Apr 17, 2007

Oh man, I feel for you and your friend, her family, everyone. I don't think I would say anything, either. Such a hard situation to deal with, so many emotions. Maybe a liver will come available. This is so not my area but aren't there living donors for livers now? Could you, friends, family, etc be tested?

even though this was not the topic of this thread, it was also the first thought that popped into my head......

laughing weasel · Apr 17, 2007

If given the choice between betraying my friends and betraying my country, i pray for the strength to betray my country.said by some famous dead guy. your friend knows she is duying you dont have to state it in words. Help her by discussing what ifs and making sure that all the loose ends are tied up just in case people die everyday in unexpected ways and there is a risk to every surgery. You dont have to crush her hopes and being as prepared as possible for every outcome including the best will help alleviate some of her worries. Dont be too hard on the husband he may be feeling that if he doesnt say it that it wont happen. It is fine line to walk and heavy load that you bear try to rmember to take care of yourself too. Good luck

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Apr 17, 2007

Oh man, I feel for you and your friend, her family, everyone. I don't think I would say anything, either. Such a hard situation to deal with, so many emotions. Maybe a liver will come available. This is so not my area but aren't there living donors for livers now? Could you, friends, family, etc be tested?

That's what I was thinking, as well. Partial livers can be donated by a live person. She may not have enough time left for testing of family members, etc. though. I'm so sorry. Please keep us posted on how she is doing.

Indy, LPN, LVN · Apr 17, 2007

I'm so sorry. I don't know the answer to this question, so I'll tell you what I tell family members of terminal patients. Tell your friend you love her, and don't hold back on affection, tell her what's in your heart. Find out if there are things she needs done, that you can do in your role as friend.

Oh, and there are ways to answer the question without saying yes or no. Sometimes you answer it just by the look on your face.

Edit: definitely tell her what you need to soon before the ammonia induced encephalopathy sets in and she doesn't know what's going on.

Blackcat99 · Apr 17, 2007

Thanks so much friends. When I went and saw her yesterday, I was very surprised. She told me that her husband told her that her liver was bad and that she needed a liver transplant. He told her that without a liver transplant, she would probably last for one more year. However, she then turned to me as though she was confused by what he had told her. I encouraged her to ask her doctors to tell her the whole truth. I said to her "Good news or bad news. You need to find out what exactly is going on with your health so you can plan your life." She agreed with me. However, two minutes later she stated to me twice: "If I am dying, I don't want to know it." I was shocked when she said it. I asked her Why? She said "When my father was in the hospital he started to feel better. When he was told that he was in fact dying he fell apart and went downhill rapidly and died. She said she was worried that she would fall apart totally if she was told that she was dying and then would die sooner because of that shock!!!!

Warpster · Apr 17, 2007

She needs to know. Tell her to ask her doctor what her chances are and how long she has if the transplant doesn't come through.

Then hope the husband hasn't made a big deal to the doctor about not telling her, threatening lawsuits (which would be thrown out, but it's still a pain).

The doc is the one with the responsibility to tell the patient the full story about her condition. His first responsibility is to his patient, not her husband.

TazziRN, RN · Apr 17, 2007

Well, if she said she doesn't want to know then she answered your question!

Good luck, be there if she wants to talk.

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Apr 17, 2007

Well, if she said she doesn't want to know then she answered your question!
Good luck, be there if she wants to talk.

:yeahthat:

She has to come through denial on her own. Be there.

Blackcat99 · Apr 19, 2007

Thanks all. Further testing revealed that she has cancer of the liver. She is being discharged today to go home. The doctor told her the truth about her serious condition and she seems to be coping OK at this time.

TazziRN, RN · Apr 19, 2007

Hugs for your friend, Cat. Keep one for yourself.