No, not the father of the baby but the father of the woman delivering.
I am not a nurse (yet) and I don't have any children of my own so I don't have reference point on this issue.
My cousin, who is 20, will be giving birth in the next 2-3 weeks. She doesn't have a relationship with the father of the child so he won't be in the room with her during the birth. She has asked her mother and me to be in the room.
When I was talking on the phone with her today, she told me that her father has asked to be in the room when she delivers. I was a little taken back and I tried not to force my opinion on her but I would NEVER want my father to be in the room when I was giving birth. Am I overreacting? Is this normal?
She told me she wasn't 100% comfortable with him being there but I think she feels obligated because they are close and she will be living in there house after the baby is born and she will need financial assistance from them and she didn't want to strain their relationship so close to this important event.
It's up to each individual birthing woman as to who she wants to be present at the birth of her child. I have taken care of women who have had their father present for their delivery, and I have also taken care of women who wouldn't even think of letting their father be present.
It's a personal choice, and I respect each and every woman's right to make that choice.
Jen
L&D RN
I agree with this . .. I too have had women who wanted their dad's and other women who did not.
My cousin, who is 20, will be giving birth in the next 2-3 weeks. She doesn't have a relationship with the father of the child so he won't be in the room with her during the birth. She has asked her mother and me to be in the room.
When I was talking on the phone with her today, she told me that her father has asked to be in the room when she delivers. I was a little taken back and I tried not to force my opinion on her but I would NEVER want my father to be in the room when I was giving birth. Am I overreacting? Is this normal?
She told me she wasn't 100% comfortable with him being there but I think she feels obligated because they are close and she will be living in there house after the baby is born and she will need financial assistance from them and she didn't want to strain their relationship so close to this important event.
I've seen many different people in with a moms during the delivery... husbands, boyfriends, significant others, parents, older children, best friends... you name it. It all depends on the comfort level of the mom. Personally, all I want is my husband, my doctor and my nurse in the room. Everyone else could be in the waiting room. Wait. I take that back. Everyone else could just stay at home! Except for maybe our parents (the grandparents). Visiting for everyone else could be at home when I look and feel good, not at the hospital where I'm all tired and hanging out everywhere! At the hospital, mom, dad and baby should have a chance to bond alone.
If your cousin isn't 100% comfortable with her dad being in the room, then she needs to be upfront with him. If they are as close as you say they are, I'm sure he would understand. At my hospital, we don't make it a habit of bending the rules for everyone, but maybe she could ask if he could come into the room after she delivers so that he can be the first to hold the baby.
She's pretty young. Maybe she's not comfortable enough to talk to her dad straight about her reservations. Could her mother talk to him, maybe? If she's uncomfortable with the people who are watching her give birth, it's definitely going to color her experience.
One of my friends wanted her dad there and whenever she was exposed prior to the birth, he would wait in the hall; during the birth he sat just behind her head (like others have mentioned) and it was a great experience for them--but one she wholeheartedly wanted.
I personally wouldn't want Dad there. Just too ackward with my knees around my ears and my dad watching.[/quote
I agree. With my first child, one of the nurses who was with me let my dad and brother step in the room just as I had the legs up and began to push. Very awkward. They were as mortified as I was, and bolted quickly for the waiting room.
I agree. With my first child, one of the nurses who was with me let my dad and brother step in the room just as I had the legs up and began to push. Very awkward. They were as mortified as I was, and bolted quickly for the waiting room.
Like you, my FIL walked into the room after I'd had my first, just as they were getting ready to sew and unfortunately in this room, the foot of the bed faced the door. It took a bit before he could look me in the face again, LOL. In fact, he wouldn't even come into my pp room until DH went out to escort him :chuckle.
I have seen a few grandfathers in the room during delivery. It is usually at the request of the mother and the grandfathers tend to be a little reserved but of course are happy to be there. I often joke with them, telling them that they are "glued to the wall". They all seem to want to sink as far into the wall behind the mother as possible. Still it is really a neat thing to see and I have to complement both the mother and grandfather for overcoming the obvious surface discomfort for the underlying beauty of this. It seems to me to be a very sweet expression of trust and love on the part of the mother grandfather and baby.
Our initial reaction is one of western conditioning. That is that men don't belong in labor rooms we have all come to except the FOB as acceptable and even appropriate however this is a new convention. 50 years ago the people would have seen the FOB being in the room just as strange as the grand father.
As for your friend, she needs to talk about this with her father. I would guess (of course I don't know) that she kind of wants him there but also feels awkward. I don't know for sure but would assume that her and her father are close otherwise I couldn't imagine him wanting to be there. She needs to identify her source of discomfort and decide if it is worth overcoming for the benefits that having him there might provide. She should approach the subject in a conversational manor, by that I mean discuss her feeling and not say, "I don't want you there". Even if she absolutely doesn't want him there she and he will feel better about it if they come to that threw consensus.
Most likely he has the same reservations and the 2 of them could talk about it together and either overcome them or decide that it would be better for him to be in the waiting room.
Another thought is that things will look very different to her once she is in labor. Often women are much less concerned about modesty but very much in need of support. Hopefully he is planning on supporting her rather then just sitting back and watching.
Honestly, I felt the births of our daughters were as intimate & personal a moment as were their conceptions. :) Granted, the doctor and a few nurses were there, but you don't feel the need to interact with them as you would a family member or friend. I didn't want to share those first moments with anyone other than my husband.....
Of course, if I were giving birth without the father of my baby, I would probably appreciate the love & support of other family members.
I've wondered how this situation will work with my own children. The fact that I am an L&D nurse only complicates it for me.
I have a very open and communicative relationship with my daughters. My wife get embarrassed easily so I have been the one to talk with them about sex and their changing bodies. Still the thought of seeing them is awful. I don't know why, I mean I changed their diapers and heck I see naked people all day without being uncomfortable. Still I'm a bit mortified at the thought of being in their deliveries. On the other-hand I would love to be there to hold their hands and to see my grand child be born.
I'm pretty sure they are going to want me there so I'm going to have to deal with it but hopefully not for a long long............long time.
It's the mother's call and no one elses. If she wants her father present during the birth, and dad can handle it, so be it. :)
I doubt if granddad wants to be up close and personal watching the baby exit his daughter's lady parts anyway. Heck, some baby's daddies don't want to see that part of the birth either. :chuckle They'd rather be at the top of the bed supporting mom and let the ob team handle the rest.
It all depends on the comfort of each family, and what they are use to as a family. They can hold their own traditions here, and it's no one else's beezwax.:)
Heck, some baby's daddies don't want to see that part of the birth either. :chuckle They'd rather be at the top of the bed supporting mom and let the ob team handle the rest.
Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN
11,305 Posts
I agree with this . .. I too have had women who wanted their dad's and other women who did not.
To each their own.
steph