Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

nursing a 97 yr old dementia lady, the nurse made comment on her son being there. The patient quite seriously said he wouldnt be there as he was overseas at the moment. The nurse said, 'look, he's right here behind you!' . The patient quickly turns in her chair , looking oh so surprised, and says, 'Goodness, that was a quick flight!' She was so serious, it was too funny.

I was placing a nitro-patch on an elderly CHFer. He asked, "What is that for?" I told him that it is nitroglycerin and it helps to increase blood flow to the coronary arteries, etc"

"Nitroglycerin? We used that during the war (WWII) to blow the dirt out of foxholes. Do you know that is an explosive?"

I tried to formulate a response. It went something like, "well, yea but this is in a different form."

His response caught me off-guard and I nearly fell over laughing.

He said, "Hey, instead of putting it on my chest, why don't you put it down here (pointing to his boxer shorts)? My wife has been dead for 8 years, and Lord knows I could use an explosion down there!

i am a school nurse, and a few days ago a girl came into my office and and complained she felt sick, and was freezing cold, it was 87 degrees out, i assumed fever. so i took her temp, and briefly walked away, when i came back i took the thermometer out of her mouth and found it read 110 degrees. i looked down into her hands to find a hot cup of tea. she apologized and asked me to retake her temp, but she wasn't warm, so i sent her back to class. about an hour later she came back and said she felt like she was going to throw up. i took her temp, and watched her this time, but she had a 98.9, a fine temp. i sat her down to talk to her to see what was up, and why she wanted to go home so badly, but she said nothing, and again i sent her off to class. when she came in again, i told her to sit down and i would be there in a min. i was having a really busy day, and i expected her to be faking again, but right as i turned around, she threw up all over the floor. i got her up and sat her onto a bed. once again, i took her temp. it was 102.7. i sent her home. i am still not sure if somehow she made herself have a temp, and made herself throw up, because it was only about 45 min. before she was back in my office for the 3rd time, and she had a big temp. jump. i would really like some other opinions on this. do you think she was faking?

paxlax said:
I am a school nurse, and a few days ago a girl came into my office and and complained she felt sick, and was freezing cold, it was 87 degrees out, I assumed fever. So I took her temp, and briefly walked away, when I came back I took the thermometer out of her mouth and found it read 110 degrees. I looked down into her hands to find a hot cup of tea. She apologized and asked me to retake her temp, but she wasn't warm, so I sent her back to class. About an hour later she came back and said she felt like she was going to throw up. I took her temp, and watched her this time, but she had a 98.9, a fine temp. I sat her down to talk to her to see what was up, and why she wanted to go home so badly, but she said nothing, and again I sent her off to class. When she came in again, I told her to sit down and I would be there in a min. I was having a really busy day, and I expected her to be faking again, but right as I turned around, she threw up all over the floor. I got her up and sat her onto a bed. Once again, I took her temp. It was 102.7. I sent her home. I am still not sure if somehow she made herself have a temp, and made herself throw up, because it was only about 45 min. before she was back in my office for the 3rd time, and she had a big temp. jump. I would really like some other opinions on this. Do you think she was faking?

Your job is to observe the signs, treat the symptoms. This attitude of 'is she faking'? shouldnt be a major concern to you, the school nurse. Is it any skin off your nose if she is faking? I'm sorry, but I hate that attitude. My own daughter also went to her school nurse on three occasions in one day and each time was sent back to class. When I picked her up I found her standing in the middle of the school yard with her tears hitting the grass because her ear was SO SORE. I took her straight to the doctor who said her ear was badly infected. I also tore strips off the school nurse and admin staff who made the decision that she was fine despite her continual complaints. A child arrives to you with a genuine complaint, assess the child, call the parents, let them worry about the faking. You just need to assess the child and notify. And no, I don't believe she faked her fever, or the vomiting. And I don't believe this post belongs on this thread.

Specializes in ENT, Public Health, Well Child, Medical,.

I was on night shift and a patient who had been discharged two days before was readmitted with necrosed haemarhoids and died. We washed and laid him out waiting for the pastor to come and have prayer service with the family before removing his body to the morgue. His room mate was distressed (and being one of the polynesian islands, superstitious) took himself off into the next room on to a vacant bed (it didnt matter to him that this was the ladies room). the next room had men one of whom (with dimentia) was persistently calling out and making loud noises (not an easy thing to deal with when one is tryping to offer comfort to a grieving daughter!). The distressed room mate who was obviously unsettled kept getting up and wandering around the ward and telling the noisy patient to be quiet. I went into the room to try and get the noisy patient to be quiet (we had tried to get him discharged back to home into the care of his family but they were evading the responsibility citing his need for O2 as the reason - he has COPD) and on leaving met the "distressed" pt coming out of the dayroom opposite who shouted at the noisy patient to "b****y shutup" and walked quickly away down the corridor away from me. I returned to the the nurses station to finish paper work when the "distressed" patient appeared at my elbow. "What is he doing still here?!" he demanded in a loud voice.Thinking he referred to the noisy pt, I replied, "well his family dont want to take him home" He looked at me in disbelief and so I added, "well he needs oxygen and that is still being organised". Eyes bulging he shouted,"He doesn't need oxygen, he's dead! ..oops:uhoh3:

Specializes in Pediatrics, ICU, Dialysis.

In the early 80's I was working in a Miami Hosp in CCU. I was taking care of an intubated young black male who had the most forceful productive cough I've ever seen..when I would disconnect the ett to suction him he would cough huge luggies all over everything, including me. Well, I was grossed out and tired of changing scrubs so I had what I thought was a brillant idea; I took a pillow case, cut eye holes and placed it over my head when I suctioned. Then a young black nurse gently explained why this was not really a good idea...she told me I would give the poor man a heart attack if he woke up to find a white hooded person standing over him! We both laughed so hard at my stupidity. I did look funny in the pillowcase tho *grin*

(P.S. Please do not think I believe there is anything funny about the KKK)

Specializes in Going to Peds!.
Sandygator said:
In the early 80's I was working in a Miami Hosp in CCU. I was taking care of an intubated young black male who had the most forceful productive cough I've ever seen..when I would disconnect the ett to suction him he would cough huge luggies all over everything, including me. Well, I was grossed out and tired of changing scrubs so I had what I thought was a brillant idea; I took a pillow case, cut eye holes and placed it over my head when I suctioned. Then a young black nurse gently explained why this was not really a good idea...she told me I would give the poor man a heart attack if he woke up to find a white hooded person standing over him! We both laughed so hard at my stupidity. I did look funny in the pillowcase tho *grin*

(P.S. Please do not think I believe there is anything funny about the KKK)

Bless your heart. Yes, the south still has a lot of lingering racial issues. Sometimes, you find yourself in the thick of something without meaning to be there.

I have the privilege of working with a very dedicated nurse on night shift in the PACU. She has been working in the hospital for about 42 years and is well known for her kind and caring ways with her patients. Each of her patients is lucky to get TLC, a grin and a high degree of professionalism.

One night, my co-worker took a post-op patient up in the elevator to his designated floor. Upon arrival to the floor, she observed that housekeeping had temporarily blocked the path with equipment and chairs from a nearby room. She stepped off the elevator to move the chairs out of the way, and turned around just in time to see the elevator doors closing, her patient held captive inside. Imagine my surprise when the supervisor called my unit wantint to know where my co-worker was since her patient was found alone on the elevator by some cardiac nurses! Thankfully, the patient was taken to his room without further incidence. The nurse, however, is still getting teased about her adventure!

Specializes in ICU/CCU/CVICU/ED/HS.

When I worked EMS at a small rural(VERY RURAL) hospital, we recieved a call from the ED for help with an "unruly" patient. The gentleman had a bunch of ETOH on board and had been trying to get the last drink from the bottle and had fallen over backwards, splitting the scalp and needing sutures. The nurse and doc were..."vertically challenged" and slight of build, so, when the pt became very uncooperative, they call for EMS:idea: . At the time I was about 300 pounds, 5'10" and wore a mohawk hairstyle(on a bet that I would not wear it for 30 days). BTW...This was at about 0300 after a loooooong day... When I arrived in ED I was NOT pleasant. I advised the pt he really needed to cooperate or he would not like the results:nono: (meaning poss. of infection, continued bleeding, ect.) He looked up at me from the ED cot(he was face down) and simply said, "yessir." At that time we got a call...Got back about 2 hrs later to find the RN and doc laughing as soon as they saw me. I asked(enquiring minds...) and they said the guy wanted to know..."When did you start hiring bouncers for the ER?":devil: BTW...30 staples...clean C-T;)

I had a confused pt that had a capped trach. I took the cap off for trach care and put it down on his tray in front of him but, then thought better of doing that as he was confused so I said, out loud "better not put that there...he'll probably end up with it in his mouth." I was just kind of thinking out loud but, his wife took offense and said "oh come on he will not!" I apologized and finished what I was doing. I returned awhile later to do a fingerstick, and then left the room again. Upon returning to give insulin a few minutes later, I looked at this man and did a double take...his wife was sitting by his side...calm as could be...but he appeared to be chewing gum. A confused man with a capped trach...I said to the wife "did you give your husband gum?" She said "no, of course not." We fished out what he appeared to be chewing like gum...it was the alcohol prep pad from his fingerstick that was left within his reach.He had put it in his mouth and started chewing on it. Hmmmm...and I was the crazy one to suggest he might swallow the cap to his trach?!? He was found on other various occassion trying to eat his call bell, lick it like an ice cream cone...how can you not laugh sometimes?

Specializes in ltc and med surg.

My career has been pretty uneventful but a few things I recall...

A resident who was using a half full water glass as his desktop pen holder.

Another man who was, excuse the expression, circling the drain; he spent the evening smoking imaginary cigarettes, flicking his ashes, taking puffs, and tossing his cig butts across the room. To top it off that unfortunate man who had been having terrible diarrhea, encountered another employee who thought that using Purell sanitizer on his reddened scrotum would help prevent infection. He passed a few hours after that, what a way to go.

How bout this one. Im about 35 at the time. and this 40 something man who is in for abdominal pain etc is flirting up a storm with me over a 2 day period Im very polite but brushing him off to keep him somewhat in line. he thought he was mr hotshot till the next morning I came in and told him I had to give him a fleets enema. You should of seen his face he and his wife and I got a kick out of that one. she knew he was a flirt. she said I knew it would come back to you someday haha

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