Seeing a dying patient

Okami_CCRN, BSN, RN · Jan 24, 2008

lol did the hot ER doctor make it all better...

Having a patient die never gets easy. I have seen countless people pass but you will always have that one or two patients that you have truly come to love and when you come on shift and see them not looking too good and then before you know it they're gone. It kinda hits home.

locolorenzo22, BSN, RN · Jan 24, 2008

If it ever gets to the point that you don't cry a little or choke up with someone....then get out. crying still means you care. Sometimes you have a patient that you take care of for a week...you go home one night, you come back...she's gone....and it gets to you.

But I live for the one family comment that when you're on, they go "oh, hi...we were hoping you'd be taking care of her tonight...." That is worth much more than the check.

jackson145 · Jan 24, 2008

I have a partial Jewish background (mother's side). I was always taught to rejoice at death (released to the Lord) and weep for birth (sinful world). It's definitely a different way to look at things.

I don't usually get too emotional when someone elderly, who has lived a long life, comes to the end of their journey. Especially, if they are ready, prepared, and accepting of what is to come.

One hard death for me was my grandmother, because she couldn't get adequate pain relief in those last few days. It was agony. However, I was emotional/upset for her suffering. I was relieved at that moment when I could see that her spirit had left her. She looked so peaceful. Most of the time, death just seems like part of God's big plan to me.

What I'll never get used to is the little bald-headed toddlers, undergoing every procedure possible to prolonge their life for a short time longer while their parents try to prepare to say goodbye. It absolutely breaks my heart. Again though, I'm weeping for the heartbroken loved ones that are left behind, not the pt. I know in my heart that the innocent child will be on God's lap before we are even sure they are gone.

WDWpixieRN, RN · Jan 24, 2008

I have a partial Jewish background (mother's side). I was always taught to rejoice at death (released to the Lord) and weep for birth (sinful world). It's definitely a different way to look at things.
Again though, I'm weeping for the heartbroken loved ones that are left behind, not the pt. I know in my heart that the innocent child will be on God's lap before we are even sure they are gone.

Some really beautiful, touching thoughts....thanks for sharing!!

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Jan 24, 2008

Some deaths affect you more than others. For myself I get upset for the family and friends. A lot of the expected deaths I find a blessing because the poor individual has suffered and now is hopefully at peace. The unexpected deaths are sometimes the hardest, because normally you have fought to save their life and their families are in such shock.

It is always hard when the pt is younger and there is nothing you can do or say which explains it away.

kcochrane · Jan 24, 2008

I don't think it ever gets easier to watch someone die. But it becomes easier to be a nurse for that person that is dying.

APBT mom, LPN, RN · Jan 24, 2008

Maybe it's strange but the way I see it is someone in that condition has been "dead" for some time. They're not the grandfather who told the stories to the grandkids about what their mom and dad were like or the father that would tell their son or daughter how proud they were of them. Their spirit is trapped in the body of who they once were and sometimes that hurts the family just as much as death itself.

I tend to analyze death. If a patient or family member has a disease that is killing them or causing them constant pain then I fell that the their death is a relief not that I'm not upet that they're not here anymore but that they don't have to deal with their failing health anymore. However, like the pp said it's the children that I do feel for because it does seem in most cases that the parents push the death off as long as they can which is understandable but why should the child have to suffer so the parents can be at peace with it.

I've had family members die that I haven't cried over to this day and they passed years ago. Grandmother was ESRD in kidney failure HD 3x wk plus post op hip replacement caused a massive infection and was in constant pain. It hurt more to see and hear her like this than when she passed. Other grandmother CAD died in her sleep which was shocking but knew she wasn't going to live forever with that diagnosis and refusing to do anything to correct it. Family members commited suicide while shocking it was their decision which caused more of a resentment than actually being upset that they did it because there was no warning signs and they never asked for help.

I always remeber someones life not that small moment leading up to their death.

itsmycalling · Jan 25, 2008

I worked with my first (and only thus far) dying patient in my first clinical rotation last semester. I had some experience with people passing in my family and was able to be reminded of what I thought would be comforting. I sang some songs very quietly to my pt and held her hand and spoke to her-- I was really just babbling- about the weather, the clouds, etc. I don't know if it helped her (obviously) but it certainly helped me, otherwise I definitely would have been sitting there crying myself!

allnurses Guide · Jan 25, 2008

If it ever gets to the point that you don't cry a little or choke up with someone....then get out.

Sorry, but not true. I still care, I still hug families and give comfort, I still advocate for pain control to the very end. But I rarely cry anymore. Just've seen too many deaths, worked too many traumas, and had to pick up and go take care of the next person in line. You get all my empathy while I'm there, but I'm going to leave you at work and do my best not to carry you home with me. Do I never cry? NO. Just not very often.

Jbeau: yeah, you're normal. Your coworkers were right, coping mechanisms grow and kick in. Not everyone will cope the same way, not everyone will react the way you do, and not everyone will cry. Some deaths are easier to take, some wrench at you. But you're there to take care of them, if you get overly emotionally involved it interferes with your ability to be a professional. Give what you have to give, and reserve the rest for yourself and the rest of your patients.

greygooseuria · Jan 25, 2008

Thanks for the advice everyone!

But it is important to remember that not every nurse is religious. I am an agnostic/atheist and I would not use religion to comfort myself, so that didn't really help me since I personally view death as THE END of everything and the return to the planet.

jackson145 · Jan 25, 2008

Thanks for the advice everyone!
But it is important to remember that not every nurse is religious. I am an agnostic/atheist and I would not use religion to comfort myself, so that didn't really help me since I personally view death as THE END of everything and the return to the planet.

I don't think that I could handle any death if I didn't believe in an afterlife. I would exist in a state of hopelessness and despair.