I recently went toe to toe with a new grad who had made a mistake in judgement, was passing the pt off to me in report, and I pointed out her mistake and tried to correct her. Let me preface this anecdote by saying, I'm normally very mellow with the new nurses, I definitely don't relish putting them in the hot seat.
She became very argumentative. But, what really then infuriated me was that she then pulled out some scripted, active listening lines on me. "I'm hearing what you're saying" and crap like that. Yeah, Pumpkin, I took the same classes way back when, you aren't helping your cause...
I said "So now you're patronizing me, eh?". Arrogant little brat.
Lesson for the allnurses audience? Don't pull out that scripted nonsense on your coworkers, or actually anyone with an IQ over 100 for that matter. That's my advise for the day...
The issue with society is one half prefers that disagreeing statements be prefaced with these apparently positive statements, and the other half just sees them as disingenuous and prefer direct statements, even if confrontational. One cannot win.
This is also why we are now in a society where EVERYTHING must be "politically correct" as to not offend anyone.
People get offended that others are offended. So silly. Lets all put our big kid panties on and agree to disagree on things once and a while. Sheesh.
What I think is really funny about scripted responses is that they are very similar to the cultural standards of double talk communication in the South.
I was trained to talk that way to stupid people, and everyone who hears those phrases in the South KNOWS that you think they're stupid.
It's like "Bless your heart," raised to "Oh, that's too bad," and called with "What would your momma say?"
For those unfamiliar, BYH is an expression that is very condescending, when it is not sincerely meant, and implies that you are dumber than dirt.
"Oh, that's too bad," means "What the heck did you EXPECT to happen, dummy?"
"What would your momma say?" means "You are going straight to HELL, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. I am so offended that I can't speak to you anymore."
So, for example, if you use that "I have the time" crap, Southerners actually hear, "My boss will fire me if I don't say this. Please don't ask me for anything else because I am hours behind."
I think it's funny when they come up with this think tank stuff that is so culturally incompetent.
LOVE this. I am from the South, and yep, a lot of people just double speak automatically. For Southerners, it's like saying "Bless you" after someone sneezes. I think that patients usually know when we're crazy-busy, because we run in sweating and SOB and those patients can (usually) sense that "I have the time" is a lie. So Now I have established my place--not as a professional, but a liar. No, not everyone feels this way. Yes, I understand why they have scripting. But I never did it because I wanted to sound transparent and truthful. For that fantastic line, I'd redo it as: "As soon as I take care of some issues with unstable patients, I will get you water, or have a coworker bring you some. If I'm not back in 'x' minutes, please call again to make sure I remember." It's not perfect, but most times patients would rather have a truthful, sometimes-forgets-refreshments nurse than a disingenuous one. And, of course, if a patient has big issues, I would care for them immediately or, if we had one for that night, ask the CNA or my charge nurse for assistance. When you do it all, CNA and nurse with 8 patients and electrician and water-bringer, I have to prioritize a little. I understand why scripting is done, but as long as my patients are content, stable, and safe I avoided scripting. I know some people can't avoid it, and I am truly sorry.
I just visited the wonderful museum of Florence Nightingale in St. Thomas and learned, among other interesting things, that scripting, named "proper way of talking" then, was introduced way before nursing became one part of hospitality industry. The thing was, first professional nurses not associated with religious orders were, supposedly, under constant threat of being seduced by any male they might encounter. Such event would make an enormous public scandal and surely kill the morphing idea of nurses being professionals, not servants like maids or cooks who were seen as always "available" for men's advances, desired or not.To avoid that, among other things like mandatory uniforms, Florence "suggested" special phrased to use while talking with males and even between each other. Most of those phrases she learned, without doubts, in her traditional family where mildly patronizing tone with overabundance of standard politenesses was, like in every family of their circle, used to speak with people of lower social standing. With slight tone change, they worked just right and stood quite well with the ideas of humility, obedience and discipline Florence propagated as being central for nursing. And what that formidable lady "suggested", was done the way she wanted it.
I laughed hysterically when I read in her small book the following phrases i took care to remember. They only sound a bit old-fashioned.
- I will be glad to attend to your needs as much as I can
- it is my pleasure to serve you, sir
- I assure you, sir, that (...) will be attended most properly
Do you want to rephrase that in a way to comply with our organization's mission statement?
Repeat after me: "I'd be happy to help. I have the time"
Oh, I wish that phrase would just go away ("I HAVE the time")! I had a patient one time laugh and say, "No you don't. I see you running around like a chicken with your head cut off". He was joking. I was trying to be compliant because my manager was within earshot.
I agree with others that the whole therapeutic communication that they teach us in nursing school looks nice on paper but should only be used with extreme caution in real life, especially if the person that you are talking to is irate and clearly has the upper hand.
After being taken advantage of for one to many times for over a few months straight I went into work on my time off to turn in my notice that I would be terminating my employment with their dysfunctional company. My manager was with her own supervisor and invited me into the office. Well, may as well let them both know that they will need to start looking for another nurse because the time on my notice starts ticking now. I simply said, "I've had enough. I quit. Here's my formal notice"....Then the scripted "therapeutic" responses came, trying to start a dialogue to talk me out of it....I blew up. Told them exactly what I thought of what they had been doing to their staff and their residents and that I was not going to be a part of it anymore...and they continued to try this type of approach until I finally full filled my notice and didn't have to grind my teach listening to it anymore...over a year later I get a text from the same ding-dong asking if I'd ever consider coming back to work for them...um, no (Do they think I'm crazy and that I don't learn from past experience?). I have since grown fond of the call block feature on my cell phone.
I was precisely in the same situation and it was very sweet indeed a feeling to respond in plain, simple and very much down-to-the-mother-Earth language on all those politically correct junk and to name things by their proper names. Too bad that English has so few good swearing combinations. German or Russian would be so much better, but nobody but me would appreciate it.
If we actually had the capacity to have conversations with each other canned phrases wouldn't be needed. But with the mentality that being a huge baby and the squeaky wheel gets the grease mantra of many, it makes civilized, thoughtful conversation impossible.
I recently went toe to toe with a new grad who had made a mistake in judgement, was passing the pt off to me in report, and I pointed out her mistake and tried to correct her. Let me preface this anecdote by saying, I'm normally very mellow with the new nurses, I definitely don't relish putting them in the hot seat.
She became very argumentative. But, what really then infuriated me was that she then pulled out some scripted, active listening lines on me. "I'm hearing what you're saying" and crap like that. Yeah, Pumpkin, I took the same classes way back when, you aren't helping your cause...
I said "So now you're patronizing me, eh?". Arrogant little brat.
Lesson for the allnurses audience? Don't pull out that scripted nonsense on your coworkers, or actually anyone with an IQ over 100 for that matter. That's my advise for the day...
The way I read the pumpkin reference was as a thought process before reacting, since the OP felt patronized but then gave a quote as to what she actually said. I think when we feel this way we can think a lot of things along the same lines as we are interpreting the conversation but not always vocalize them. It would result in an ineffective tit for tat that would not resolve anything.
I was precisely in the same situation and it was very sweet indeed a feeling to respond in plain, simple and very much down-to-the-mother-Earth language on all those politically correct junk and to name things by their proper names. Too bad that English has so few good swearing combinations. German or Russian would be so much better, but nobody but me would appreciate it.
Everyone appreciates when people swear in other languages. It gives the impression that you're so apoplectic you've forgotten what language you're speaking.
mirandaaa
589 Posts
This is also why we are now in a society where EVERYTHING must be "politically correct" as to not offend anyone.
People get offended that others are offended. So silly. Lets all put our big kid panties on and agree to disagree on things once and a while. Sheesh.