sex education in school

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Oct 11, 2005

I agree that it should be taught in school. You cannot count and rely on the "outdated" or ( insert adjective here) parents. Sorry but not all parents are like you lovely and responsible people in this board.

My parents made the effort to update their education on this.

It should not be left only up to the school for this education.

rn/writer, RN · Oct 11, 2005

I have heard of another option that can be used in addition to school-based sex ed. I don't remember where I heard or read about this but it seemed like a really good idea.

The parents take a class in sex ed. that is geared to making sure they have the correct info AND teaching them how to educate their kids on both the physical and the emotional aspects of sex. Obviously, they can impart their own moral beliefs in the process.

Of the huge group of parents who do not teach their children about sex, some are doofuses who shouldn't have had kids in the first place. But I'll bet a much larger percentage are those who simply don't know how to approach the subject or who aren't sure what to say or who feel uncomfortable because they have never been able to speak about sex openly. Such a class could help parents learn how to connect with their kids and establish safe communication in an area where, for all their bluff and bluster, I think many kids would like some help in navigating the rocky terrain.

This should probably be an ongoing thing starting in grade school and reconvening every couple of years (or even every year during puberty) to prepare the parents for the next set of changes. A side benefit could be communication among the parents about what dating rules they hope to set for their kids, ways they can set reasonable limits (checking to see that parents will be supervising parties, no couple "alone time" after school when parents aren't around, making sure kids don't sneak out during sleepovers, etc.), and the building of solidarity among like-minded families to provide an atmosphere of safety and accountability.

It might give parents a real boost to know there are other families with the same concerns. And it could help them to connect with their kids on other levels. Sex ed. isn't just a packet of information to be handed off and that's the end of it. It's an ongoing experience that includes the context of sex as well as the particulars.

We teach our kids about sex whether we intend to or not. Might be nice if we could band together as parents and help each other to help our kids.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Oct 11, 2005

"The parents take a class in sex ed. that is geared to making sure they have the correct info AND teaching them how to educate their kids on both the physical and the emotional aspects of sex."

I like this concept.

allnurses Guide · Oct 11, 2005

I have six kids and didn't mind the kind of sex ed. that focused on the science/biology aspect of the subject. I also wouldn't have minded sex ed. that spoke of the mental and emotional results in an impartial way. But I didn't want teachers or speakers coming in and advocating behaviors that flew in the face of the values my husband and I were trying to teach our kids. So much of "progressive" sex education concentrates on the physical aspects--wear a condom, don't expose yourself to disease, avoid pregnancy--but sex involves so much more. We always told our kids that until they invent a condom for the heart, intimate physical contact without the safety of committment can expose you to damage that can be as jarring as an STD. I believe that sex is a gift from God that allows me to share in creating life and lets me become one with another person. Lest I sound like some goo-goo eyed mystic, I will also say that I think sex is a very cool slow dance, a fabulous tension-reliever, a great way to make up after a snit, and about as much free fun as two people can have when the kids are all tucked in and the wind is howling outside. Our kids took a lot of naps--which is probably why we had six--and they all knew that Dad and Mom really LIKED each other. That context--a loving relationship and a safe home--taught our kids that sex is healthiest within the shelter of committment. I don't want someone to teach my kids that behavior I consider aberrant--multiple partners, serial partners, casual encounters, marital infidelity, Media, cybersex--are just acceptable alternatives. I want my children to know that having sex with someone is more than just a souped-up handshake. I'd especially like to get the idea across that sex--the physical act of doing it--is but one tiny component of being a sexual person. Yes, I understand that many kids don't have the kind of relationship with their parents where they can talk and learn about sex. I do see the need for giving information in a safe, non-judgmental way. And while I'd like to see abstinence promoted as the ONLY foolproof way to avoid the negative aspects of sex, I do think other methods of contraception should be taught as well. Teaching only one method, no matter which method it is, robs kids of the chance to make a decision. And no matter how much we parents might like to think otherwise, it is THEIR decision to make. That said, we can certainly tell them which way we hope they'll decide and why. I guess my biggest complaint about sex ed. in schools is that, while it goes too far in some areas, it often doesn't go far enough in others. Kids need to know how sex can affect their emotions, their thinking, their ability to trust, and their future as a spouse and a parent, as well as how to avoid pregnancy and disease. When we focusing on only the tangible aspects of sex, we reduce it a game of "catch me if you can." We imply that kids who manage to avoid herpes and early parenthood will automatically arrive at adulthood unscathed. There are many out there who would disagree. Young people of both sexes need to learn about personal dignity and healthy relationships. Then sex won't have to be a substitute for self worth. I could go on and on (I know, I already have). I just think it's imperative that our societal definition of sex ed. be expanded to include more than just the hydraulics and navigating the minefield of pregnancy and disease. You don't have to don a cloak of morality to help kids examine and understand the idea that sex can affect them on levels other than physical. A good sex education program would include factual biological information. And then it would raise questions about the other areas that would at least introduce the concept that the consequences of teen sex go beyond babies and HIV. It would NOT supply the answers, but rather encourage the kids to look to family, church and others who care about them to determine their moral values and decide accordingly.

Miranda - awesome post and just exactly the way I feel.

Mitchsmom: And even in "just" abstinence programs, all kinds of things are discussed besides "just say no". I really think that is the message that parents gave kids in the 50's and 60's . . that is exactly what my husband heard growing up in a Christian home and he would look around and see other kids having sex and the world didn't end and God didn't send a lightening bolt down - of course he was young and immature and didn't see right away the other costs - teen pregnancies, etc. What I want to get away from in the "safer sex" programs is the lack of any kind of teaching about the emotional aspect of sex . . . I love Miranda's thought that until there is a condom for the heart, we need to discuss these things.

Just handing out condoms isn't working either - we've been doing that for 30 years.

steph

allnurses Guide · Oct 11, 2005

Things are a bit different in California Steph.
Many sex-ed classes say "don't do it". Period end of discussion. It's too hot a topic so schools just sweep it under the rug, and the parents are too uptight to talk about with their kids, living in denial.
So they learn false information from their peers, listen to some boy seducing them filling them with lies, or take risks.

It might be different in CA however I do not believe that a kid takes a class and all the teacher does is walk up to the chalkboard and write "Sex, Just Say No" and that is it. There has to be some discussion or what the heck do the kids do for the rest of the semester?:)

steph

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 11, 2005

It might be different in CA however I do not believe that a kid takes a class and all the teacher does is walk up to the chalkboard and write "Sex, Just Say No" and that is it. There has to be some discussion or what the heck do the kids do for the rest of the semester?:)
steph

I don't know Steph, because I grew in a time where sex ed was absent, so I'm not sure what the "abstinent only" concept is. Some of the posts by the younger ones here offer a clue. Obviously they've failed.

I think there is a big problem with denial that kids are having sex because to do so would send the message that it's o.k. to have sex. We know what the kids are saying, they are having sex. Yet we put our heads in the sand because so many people are uptight about it. I seriously doubt there is much "discussion".

allnurses Guide · Oct 12, 2005

I don't know Steph, because I grew in a time where sex ed was absent, so I'm not sure what the "abstinent only" concept is. Some of the posts by the younger ones here offer a clue. Obviously they've failed.
I think there is a big problem with denial that kids are having sex because to do so would send the message that it's o.k. to have sex. We know what the kids are saying, they are having sex. Yet we put our heads in the sand because so many people are uptight about it. I seriously doubt there is much "discussion".

I guess I just live in a different world . .. . there is so much sex out there that it seems to me to be hard to think ANYONE in this day and age is "uptight" about it. Moms put bowls of condoms next to the front door, put their 13 year old daughters on birth control pills, think that kids are gonna do it so you might as well just help them along. TV, movies, music, society is saturated with sex. Teen's favorite shows have sexually active teens but do not show the consequences of having a sex life as a teen. All the moms I know have no problem talking about sex with their kids, whether they are giving them birth control or talking about waiting.

I had sex ed in junior high and I'm 48 . . .it was basically the "birds and the bees" talk and the girls and boys were separated. I don't think that kind of stuff happens anymore . . .. .there is talk of STDs, AIDS, pregnancy, etc., in most schools now.

Sex is everywhere . . . parents I know are not in denial about kids having sex.

steph

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Oct 12, 2005

I guess I just live in a different world . .. . there is so much sex out there that it seems to me to be hard to think ANYONE in this day and age is "uptight" about it.

And it's gotten to the point where it's way too casual. MTV's "Real World" comes to mind, an unscripted show where the new season is trying to "out do" the old season in the sex dept. Makes me wanna hurl. And then WHINE later that they aren't like that, how it ruin their life or whatever. :rolleyes: Same thing with all of the reality shows, which i why i won't watch any of them anymore, because it all boiled down to who's doing who for whatever reason. All it does it prove what s**** people can be.

And i remember in HS the concern most girls has was getting pregnant. Not getting HIV, Hep B, Warts, etc, most were more worried about getting pregnant.

allnurses Guide · Oct 12, 2005

And it's gotten to the point where it's way too casual. MTV's "Real World" comes to mind, an unscripted show where the new season is trying to "out do" the old season in the sex dept. Makes me wanna hurl. And then WHINE later that they aren't like that, how it ruin their life or whatever. Same thing with all of the reality shows, which i why i won't watch any of them anymore, because it all boiled down to who's doing who for whatever reason. All it does it prove what s**** people can be.
And i remember in HS the concern most girls has was getting pregnant. Not getting HIV, Hep B, Warts, etc, most were more worried about getting pregnant.

That is why MTV is blocked in my house - not exactly the lifestyle I want my little girl (I know - she is 16 but still) to ascribe to. Or my boys.

Girls in high school NOW are using anal sex for birth control - and thinking it isn't putting them at risk for STD's or HIV. That is way more "saturation" than I had in high school - granted I'm an old person who went to jr. high/high school in the late 60's and early 70's - the so-called "sexual revolution" time.

steph

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 12, 2005

I guess I just live in a different world . .. ... .there is talk of STDs, AIDS, pregnancy, etc., in most schools now.
Sex is everywhere . . . parents I know are not in denial about kids having sex.
steph

I think we're pretty progressive about sex ed here in Florida as well. I would like to think so because parts of South Florida still have some of the highest rates of HIV in the country.

But trust me on this, in the deep rural conservative Bible belt south where I lived before moving here, it's a different world and believe you me parents are in deep denial. Oh they ban MTV, and do their best to protect their kids, monitoring what they watch, etc. but get very uptight when the subject is sex, and when the subject gets taught in school they think teaching about sex condones and promotes sexual activity. They think the mention of homosexuality in sex-ed classes promotes the lifestyle.

I don't want to genearlize because I know in the year 2005 it's a bit different, and not like that everywhere, but there are still pockets of that element around.

Bottom line, it takes a sex ed program that teaches facts, AND parents who care enough to reinforce those facts and instill their own personal religious/moral values on their kids.

rn in 3 years · Oct 12, 2005

It should be mandatory that they get parental permission.

I fell the same. My daughter is in sex ed right now during her PE class. I asked if there was a form for me to sign and she said "no, you just have to sign it if you don't want me to have the class". I thought this was odd. When I was in school my mother had to sign REGARDLESS. I would have happily signed but I really fell that is the parents call to make.

I too was one of the teen pregnancy statistics. I had my son 2 months after I turned 18. I have been stressing to my son for years (he is now 15) that if the time ever comes that he feels he is ready to be sexually active to COME TO ME. I told him while I may not like the idea that I will not judge and even buy him condoms. Of course I will also take the opportunity to stress that sex has serious and life altering implications and that it should be shared between 2 people who love one another. I just am realistic and realize that kids will do stupid things and would rather buy my child condoms then see him die from AIDS. Funny thing is, all this talk embarrases him because he has never even had a girlfriend.

grannynurse FNP student · Oct 13, 2005

I think we're pretty progressive about sex ed here in Florida as well. I would like to think so because parts of South Florida still have some of the highest rates of HIV in the country.
But trust me on this, in the deep rural conservative Bible belt south where I lived before moving here, it's a different world and believe you me parents are in deep denial. Oh they ban MTV, and do their best to protect their kids, monitoring what they watch, etc. but get very uptight when the subject is sex, and when the subject gets taught in school they think teaching about sex condones and promotes sexual activity. They think the mention of homosexuality in sex-ed classes promotes the lifestyle.
I don't want to genearlize because I know in the year 2005 it's a bit different, and not like that everywhere, but there are still pockets of that element around.
Bottom line, it takes a sex ed program that teaches facts, AND parents who care enough to reinforce those facts and instill their own personal religious/moral values on their kids.

Yes, Sarasota's School District is so agressive, they have dropped Planned Parenthood as a provider and is taking up the banner of the Abstinence Only. One giant leap forward for sex education.

Grannynurse:balloons: