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School is interfering with my personal relationships

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TC1087271 TC1087271 (New) New

Hey all,

I'm in quite a bit of a cross-roads right now. I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months and it has been absolutely great. I've gone through a couple relationships, my longest being 3 years and I can tell this girl is unlike any other. We get along so great and have the best time together. Our sense of humor is exactly the same and we have tons of inside jokes we share together.

Now for alittle background into the story; she's a public relations major and I am a biomedical science/health science studies major (going to go for an accelerated nursing route once I graduate). Obviously our course-loads and disciplines are basically complete polar opposites (if that makes sense?). This semester has been very, VERY time-consuming. I am an EMT on the side and have cadaver labs at Yale, pharmacology night classes, infectious disease classes, organic chemistry lab/lecture, advanced human anatomy lab/lectures and even a research study I am getting a grant for from my university to conduct on fomites in pre- and post- hospital settings. Her hardest class as of now she told me is a photojournalism course in conjunction with her senior capstone.....where she has to take pictures of scenery in CT.

Lately she has been awfully moody and very temperamental due to the fact that I see her maybe twice or luckily three times a week because I am continuously studying for hours on end and conducting my own research. She's been telling me I don't care and basically getting really run down. I try to cheer her up telling her this is only temporary and soon enough we'll be together all the time we just have to be patient but she doesn't understand what I'm saying. She is too into the "now" as opposed to the "then." Don't get me wrong I try to see her, show her affection, text/call her between classes but I really have so many constraints that keep me from being able to be with her everyday. I am wondering if I should break it off for her sake in a way in which we can stay friends and possibly get back together when we both graduate or when she maybe understands things more systematically and why I did it. I don't know if I'm just being egotistical and ignorant but I'd really like someone else's two cents on the matter because this is just more stress I DEFINITELY do not need.

- Tommy

P.S- sorry about not being able to format paragraphs, I'm guessing it won't allow a tab?

Hmmm....well. I know this will sound kinda "mother-like", but if she doesn't understand what you're going through (and therefore doesn't support you) and breaks up with you over your busy school schedule, then she's really not worth it. If you want to get married someday, you have to think about what you want your marriage to be. Marriage (or any long-term relationship for that matter) is all about supporting each other. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to get through NS without the support of my husband.

I'm not sure you should go ahead and break up with her since it sounds like you really like this girl. The idea of getting back together when school is done sounds grand and all, but realistically, is that going to happen? Have a serious one-on-one with her to explain how much you care about her and how intense school is. If she's the right girl for you, then she'll understand.

Your girlfriend is lucky you are seeing her two to three times a week with your difficult schedule. She needs to do a little growing up about this or else find a boyfriend whose education and career goals are more in keeping with her emotional needs tending.

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B

Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab. Has 6 years experience.

Cut and run bro.

Its all about her and that is a terrible place to be in.

I'm willing to give this girl the benefit of the doubt... maybe she is not so much stupid or selfish as she is very inexperienced. Sometimes how a woman feels about something is more about her expectations than it is what the reality actually is.

Try filling out a calendar with all of your responsibilities to go over with her. Also, try to give her a sense of the work load of your classes. The anatomy or pharmacology may be good to use for that. Just showing her the list of vocabulary you are responsible for in either class might do it. A map of your work load for next couple of years might be helpful also.

Nurse SMS, MSN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development. Has 9 years experience.

Honestly she sounds immature and self centered. Really? Pouting because you want to have a great future and working hard toward that for you both is "bringing her down"?

Always, always always look at relationships through the "how they are", not in the "how they could/should be" lens. You say she is really different and really great and I am sure you are right. But she is also really immature, needy and moody it sounds like. 2-3 times per week is frankly fantastic given your schedule.

GHGoonette, BSN, RN

Specializes in PACU, OR.

Doesn't sound good...Reminds me of people you see on "Cheaters"....you know, the ones who are puzzled about the changes in their SO's behaviour? And when caught out, the complaint from the guilty party is "You're never there for me..."

opensesame

Specializes in acute/critical care. Has 11 years experience.

In defense of your GF -- it sounds like she is young (probably you both are young, early 20s at the latest, if you are traditional 4-year students.) Many, many young women have an inferiority complex. She may be one of the types that doesn't feel like she is worth anything if she doesn't have a BF that is paying attention to her, and now that you don't have the time --- it's a huge personal issue for her. She may be a wonderful person, but many times, until women get a little bit of life experience under their belt that gives them some confidence and self worth, they are seriously needy. I was one of these until I was about 28.

If I have her pinned correctly, relationships with people like this are hard. She is not going to understand your responsibilities because she cannot see past the end of her own nose. If you stay, you are probably in for a whole lot of guilt-tripping and fights.

It sounds like you love each other very much though, and if she is like I think she is, she is going to be loyal and won't leave you...but there are going to be some issues to worth through (a lot of hers). It's a hard call. In my opinion, if you think that you are going to get back together even if you break up -- don't break up. Work through it, even though it sucks. Those months/years that you are apart lots of ugly things can happen (other relationships, she might find someone else, although you could too).

I am pretty sure I lost a true love due to similar issues. We are still in touch to this day although we haven't been together for 15 years.

tokyoROSE, BSN, RN

Specializes in Operating Room. Has 2 years experience.

If she is stressing you out, cut it off. Seriously. My boyfriend doesn't like it that I can only see him on the weekends, but he is really proud of me and understands my time constraints. Those are people you keep around. If its been 7 months and she doesn't understand that students with a heavy workload does not have all the free time in the world, then something is wrong.

Conqueror+, BSN, RN

Has 26 years experience.

School is hard enough without chick drama(I am female). How much will you love her if she stresses you until your grades slip ? Or cheats on you for attention while you try to hang in there with her ? Focus on school and date casually until things ease up or she grows up. Hope it works out for you.

hikernurse

Specializes in NICU. Has 8 years experience.

Hitting "enter" will allow you to format paragraphs :).

It sounds like it's time for a strong discussion. I think the idea of showing her a calendar with your schedule is a good one. I was married in NS, but it was a tough go. Family came first, but everything else pretty much slid away...It is difficult to understand how demanding the schedule truly is unless you have been through a program.

If it were me (and of course it isn't, lol) I'd continue to date her, but I would explain that this is the best I can do right now. It's a finite period of time, it does go quickly. Maybe make a point of setting aside specific time that she can depend on.

You can't do more than you can do and that's not a bad life lesson for any of us to learn :rolleyes:. Good luck in school. It gets better :D.

Edited by hikernurse

i am going through the same thing--the guy I sort of am seeing asks me to hang out ALLLLL the time, and 9 times outta 10, I cant. Hes not even IN school! I'd say cut the ties, unless she can handle your load. Why don't you show her some of the things you have to do, so maybe shell understand?

Cinquefoil

Specializes in Med Surg, Home Health. Has 2 years experience.

Sometimes the amount of time spent with someone else can be measured in quality not quantity. I agree with others about showing her your detailed to-do list and schedule. However, how do you spend time when you can spend it?

Does she feel like you're really emotionally "with" her in the times you do spend together? Or do you come off as distracted and defensive of your time? That may be an issue separate from the amount of time you spend with her.

I'm asking these questions because I'm a person who, as a super-achievement motivated person, can get all wrapped up in DOING THINGS to the point where I come across as very serious and distracted, even if I care a great deal about the person I'm spending time with. My own desire to spend time with my friends and loved ones can make me get gruff with them, because I have to sort of push away from them because otherwise I'll never motivate for that six-hour study session which will help me get an A which will help me get into nursing school which will help me become a nurse which will.....and everything gets done for the sake of Tomorrow, but not much for the sake of Right Now and Let's Enjoy the Moment.

Partners, in love and still having that honeymoon feeling, tend to want to enjoy the moment with their partners. This may be impossible for you most of the time, but when is it possible? And is there any way to increase the quality of those moments?

Ive seen a lot of posts like this lately regarding people in relationships. I always thought having a partner that is motivated and ambitious would be a very attractive quality. What do people want? A partner who lacks motivation and has no goals or anything

Look at it this way, if you were to drop school and not do anything, she'd probably complain about that, and say that you need a job or career. Just keep doing what you're doing. Maybe a girlfriend is just not what you need at this moment in your life. You dont want anyone getting in the way of your goals

i am going through the same thing--the guy I sort of am seeing asks me to hang out ALLLLL the time, and 9 times outta 10, I cant. Hes not even IN school! I'd say cut the ties, unless she can handle your load. Why don't you show her some of the things you have to do, so maybe shell understand?

I dont have a boyfriend at the moment but I have had guys who are interested and I push them away for this very reason. Because when you get involved with somebody they are gonna want to go out on dates, come over to visit and spend quality time getting to know you. while its great, i feel it may distract me from my studying because i am doing pretty good right now. then again I dont want to miss out on opportunities to find a nice guy and be all work and no play