Rules for Michigan Drivers
1.. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see
how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right
as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to
squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange
construction barrels.
2... Turn signals will give away your next move.
A real Michigan driver never uses them.
3... Under no circumstances should you leave a safe
distance between you and the car in front of you, or the
space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
4... Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered going with the flow.
5... The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
6... Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork. Michigan is a no-fault insurance
state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
7... Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing
foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of
you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8... Construction signs tell you about road closures
immediately after you pass the last exit before the
traffic begins to back up.
10... The new electronic traffic warning system signs are
not there to provide useful information. They are only
there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract
you from seeing the state police car parked in the median.
11... Never pass on the left when you can pass on the
right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
12... Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the
metro area during rush hour.
13... Just because you're in the left lane, and have no
room to speed up, or move over, doesn't mean that a
Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you
doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
14... Please remember that there is no such thing as a
shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.
15... Always slow down and rubberneck when you see
an accident or even someone changing a tire.
16... Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the
landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely,
and give Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.
17... Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin
peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.
18... Learn to swerve abruptly.
19... Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving
thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations
to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
20... It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at
cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
21... Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes
your right of way.
22... Never take a green light at face value. Always look
right and left before proceeding. (see #5)
23... Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is
to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
24... Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose
and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in
bumper-to-bumper traffic.
25... In Michigan 55 is the speed at which you leave
the driveway.
26... Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rain are no reasons to
change any of the previously listed rules. These weather
conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection
process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle Rules for Michigan Drivers
1.. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see
how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right
as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to
squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange
construction barrels.
2... Turn signals will give away your next move.
A real Michigan driver never uses them.
3... Under no circumstances should you leave a safe
distance between you and the car in front of you, or the
space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
4... Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered going with the flow.
5... The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
6... Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork. Michigan is a no-fault insurance
state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
7... Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing
foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of
you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8... Construction signs tell you about road closures
immediately after you pass the last exit before the
traffic begins to back up.
10... The new electronic traffic warning system signs are
not there to provide useful information. They are only
there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract
you from seeing the state police car parked in the median.
11... Never pass on the left when you can pass on the
right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
12... Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the
metro area during rush hour.
13... Just because you're in the left lane, and have no
room to speed up, or move over, doesn't mean that a
Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you
doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
14... Please remember that there is no such thing as a
shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.
15... Always slow down and rubberneck when you see
an accident or even someone changing a tire.
16... Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the
landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely,
and give Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.
17... Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin
peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.
18... Learn to swerve abruptly.
19... Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving
thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations
to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
20... It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at
cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
21... Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes
your right of way.
22... Never take a green light at face value. Always look
right and left before proceeding. (see #5)
23... Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is
to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
24... Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose
and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in
bumper-to-bumper traffic.
25... In Michigan 55 is the speed at which you leave
the driveway.
26... Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rain are no reasons to
change any of the previously listed rules. These weather
conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection
process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. sales.
:chuckle :chuckle
