Rules of the Dr.office

[prowlingMA]

There is a very funny " Rules of the ER" thread, so I thought I would start a rules of the Dr.office:

1. Yes the Dr.will be running behind, unless you are the first pt of the day( even then only if you are lucky).

2. You do not need to bring your spouse,kids,parents,friends,and grandchildren to a routine check up. One person is enough.

3. Be on time- or a bit early. Making us wait for you is only going to make the Dr.later( see #1)

4.yes I have " done this (drawing blood, giving a shot, etc) before" and it's not funny when you ask.

5.You are not the only patient in the office, nor do you own the office, ( so please don't take all the candy from the dish, tea/coffee bags, gauze and paper supplies from the room, search through the cupboards,etc)

6. For us CMA's - No I am not a nurse, there are other careers in the health care industry that deserve respect and acknowledgement. ( And no i probably can't get a nurse to do this- phlebotomy, injection,EKG, etc)

7. If you are rude,uncooperative, or abnoxious I will ask the D.r to see other pts first and you will wait longer( again see #1)

These are all I can think os for now. I am sure you all can add others.

[LaughingRN]

Don't make an appointment for son "A", then just as the doctor is finishing up, ask for "under" the table health advice for son "B", Son "C" and yourself. We will have to pull all of your charts if you want said "advice" since an assessment needs to be made. Now the good folks who made appointments ahead of time have to wait even longer. No one thinks you are cute either when you giggle..."just thought I'd ask since I'm here"

If you are male, and have a female nurse, don't start undressing the moment you are handed a gown. I did say that I would step out to let you change, and that was for our mutual benefit. Don't tell me that you don't mind, because I do. Your grin as you pull down your panties is more than mildly creepy.

We hire RNs at our office for a reason. When I do your pre-assessment before Dr. see's you, it wastes everyone's time when you claim to be in perfect health yet suddenly remember all the issues you forgot to tell me the minute Dr. walks in the door. The Dr. doesn't think it's cute, or your nurses.

[lillymom]

I work in a specialty office so we do not keep emergent appointments since the conditions we treat are not life threatening. We are not a normal MD office so please do not think that we can see you if you just stop by. We have telephones so please call first.

Please do not call if you think you are having a heart attack, stroke, or respiratory issues. We will just send you to urgent care or ER.

If you are on your phone and do not end the call I will leave the room and come back later and the MD will see the next patient before you.

Do not get mad at me when the MD does not give you the prescription that you wanted there is nothing more that I can do to convince them to give it to you.

Do not ask the check out to ask the MD to get you the med from above. They will just call me and I will say the same thing.

If a medicaiton/service requires insurance prior approval it may take time to get this done. Do not call an hour after you left.

Do not call and say your are in terrible pain and cannot get out of bed or move and then not answer your phone when we try to call you back.

Do not tell us your are out shopping and having a great time when we have been trying to get ahold of you the past 5 hours to find out what type of terrible pain you are in.

[nursel56]

For dermatology -When I work you in to our very busy schedule for a same day/next day appt because you have a (horrible, itching, painful, unsightly) (rash, bump, fungus, pimple) anything, I will not be pleased if your husband waltzes in and says, "my wife couldn't make it so I decided to take her appointment" (for the wart I've had for 3 years)".

Yes, I understand your prom is tonight but there really is no such thing as an "emergency zit" or an "emergency zit eradicator" - I do feel your pain, though.

For peds - I could understand if you forgot your child's immunization card once, maybe even twice -- but 3 or 4 times?!? C'mon!!

No, ma'am, you can hold us up and let patients get backed up out the door and around the block - but little 3 or 4 year old Johnny and Janey will not hop up there willingly to have a sharp object stuck into them, your very interesting story about the lives of Salk and Pasteur notwithstanding.

On the other hand, please don't threaten your child in front of us if he refuses to sit still. We know he isn't going to sit still, so let's just gitter done, OK?

For family practice - please in the name of all that is Holy, if we give you a Hemoccult card to bring back your stool sample, we only need a little bit!! It is not necessary to slather your poop all over it or sculpture your poop into round ping-pong ball shapes. That's gross!

So you hocked sputum into a ziploc bag or a babyfood jar and brought it in to share? I'm not nearly as intrigued by it's color as you are, but be sure and show that to the doctor (nyuk-nyuk-nyuk ) And please oh please throw out those nasty wadded up tissues you have stuck in your sleeves! I don't like that kind of surprise!

[LittleWing21, RN]

37. Do not show up in the office with a sob story about how you can't afford your meds while carring a Chanel purse and wearing Polo jeans. How about don't spend you money on that stuff and buy your meds?!

haha YES!!! On that same note:

Don't pull into our parking lot in your BMW/Lexus/Mercedes and then hand us your MassHealth card (aka Medicaid)!!!!! So annoying!

[DeathzAngel2]

37: If you bring your children, WATCH THEM. It is rude to patients who are not used to wild, noisy children. Do not assume staff or someone else will keep them in control; that's YOUR job.

38: If your child starts screaming & crying, take him/her OUTSIDE. We do not want to hear it.

39: No, we do not supply formula, bottles or diapers. Bring your own.

40: Please do not leave your trash in the lobby or wreck the place. There is no magic cleaning genie.

41: Do not arrive 20-30 min late & expect to be seen, unless you made prior arrangements. We will be unable to accomodate lateness unless there is a cancellation. Do not take out your understandable yet unnecessary anger out on the staff.

[AntMarchingRN, RN]

Didnt read them all so Im sure they've been said but my favs are...

-Dont tell me its an emergency then gripe about appointments

Oh really, its an emergency and you must be seen today, but you won't take the 9:30 because you dont want to have to pull your kid out of school before lunch. Ok then, call the ambulance and tell them to pick you up promptly at 2.

-Dont tell me "she did it for me last time"

Oh yes, I do find it suprising that you dont remember the name of the girl who "always does it ____ like that" or "did it for me last time" when I am telling you thats not office policy. This is not my first day.

Last but my BIGGEST pet peeve

-No, I cannot throw that diaper in the little trash can under the desk.

Take your SH!T with you!!! :rotfl:

[walking nurse]

I look at them and say "I can see you're busy now. I'lltake the next patient and come back for your later." Usually the next time I enter the waiting room they are off the phone.

[anurseatlast]

Don't tell your children that if they cry/act out that the nurse is going to give them a shot. It only makes them freak out more.

When I worked in the peds clinic, I had numerous parents tell their children (who they were doing nothing to control) that the "mean nurse will give you a shot if you don't behave." I would say to the child, "That is not true. I will only give you a shot if you need one to be healthy." The parent would get mad and say, "I told him you would because he won't behave." I would again talk to the child and say, "Even mommies are wrong sometimes. This is one of those times. I am not mean and I do not give children shots unless they need them. Right now, I am not going to give you any shot but we need to see how big you are etc."

What I really wanted to say was, "I don't give unnecessary shots to children - I save them for obnoxious parents who do not have a clue how to parent. Right now, you are looking like a prime candidate." Since I wanted to keep my job, I refrained but it was very tempting.

[elprup, BSN, RN]

My favorite "your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part!"

Dr. told me that one today. Love it.

[DogWmn]

When I worked in the peds clinic, I had numerous parents tell their children (who they were doing nothing to control) that the "mean nurse will give you a shot if you don't behave." I would say to the child, "That is not true. I will only give you a shot if you need one to be healthy." The parent would get mad and say, "I told him you would because he won't behave." I would again talk to the child and say, "Even mommies are wrong sometimes. This is one of those times. I am not mean and I do not give children shots unless they need them. Right now, I am not going to give you any shot but we need to see how big you are etc."

What I really wanted to say was, "I don't give unnecessary shots to children - I save them for obnoxious parents who do not have a clue how to parent. Right now, you are looking like a prime candidate." Since I wanted to keep my job, I refrained but it was very tempting.

LOL, thanks for the laugh. I worked FP and Peds clinics and the parents are many times the problem not the kids.

Rule: Yes the heel stick will hurt and your newborn will cry but the test is important. (many times I just make them wait outside the room)

Rule: Yes I do have 5 or 6 arms to hold your child down for a shot but an additionl 2 would be nice. And no your 2 year old will not hold still for a shot...reasoning with them is not gonna work.

[NurseTrishaH]

Rule: Don't lie to me. When I ask "what brings you in today?" and you tell me knee pain, I believe you. I really dislike documenting all my standard knee pain questions (what started it, description, severity, time, etc) only to have the doc come in and have you say "actually, I think I have an STD. My knee is fine". I know you are embarrassed, but now I'm irritated when I come in with a long Q-tip to swab your urethra for Chlamydia.

Rule: Read the instructions I sent home with you. You had a severe ankle sprain 3 days ago. I told you, and sent you home with written info on how long to expect the pain to last. 3 days is not long enough for your ankle to be back to normal. WHY are you here again!?!? I'm not a miracle worker!!

Rule: Stop googling your symptoms. Please. You likely have the viral GI bug that about half the Air Force Base has - you do not likely have cancer in your abdomen that is causing 3 hours of vomiting and diarrhea. If it persists, we will absolutely do a work up. But give it a day or so before demanding $50,000 in testing for your "cancer".

Rule: Stop bringing your wife to your appointments. She smells bad. And as a "vet tech", she does not do the same thing I do. I resent it when she reminds me to use the large BP cuff, as I already have the large one wrapped around your arm. I'm not an idiot. Also, there is a reason I look at YOU when I ask a question about your symptoms - it's because I want YOU to answer it. Not her - this is your pain, your body. I'm sorry if I'm not too chatty today, but your wife is annoying me, and the smell of armpits and crotch is killing me. I'm going to get the doc now.

[cajunredneckrn]

My RULE #1 that I don't share with most people is:

Don't **** off the nurse, CMA, front desk etc. I have the ability to get even and some day, you will need me.