After several weeks of leaving work depressed I am finally asking for advice here. What do you do when family members talk down to you? I am so discouraged that I am seriously considering a change in profession. I guess when I say "talk down" I am putting it lightly. I should say: scream, curse, bad mouth, yell and otherwise expect you to be the Walmart Service Desk. I am a strong person, I can take up for myself. I have no problem referring the person to the proper management personel that can take the service requests better then me due to their inflated salary and nice office chairs. But the treatment I have been recieving hurts. I guess I went into this profession because I have compassion for others, understand their downfalls and want to help make it better. Is it just me or has the generations changed in their ways of thinking? When I first started in Nursing as a CNA the pts, and family members were appreciative. Now very few are ever appreciative. If staff answers their call in 3 minutes it should have been 1. I blame some on management, for always promising the best when they know they cannot always provide the best 100% of the time. But are people becoming more rude then ever? How do you stand up for yourself in a professional way? I have thought that maybe it is just me, but I got to talking with other staff who say that they to have been insulted personally and professionally and do not really know how to respond. I know that part of the problem is the fact that we are also short staffed, and family members do not know that their anger directed towards me is useless and ineffective since I cannot fix the situation, but that doesn't make me feel any better!
I HEAR YAH ABOUT THE CUSTOMER/CLIENT thing... and the HOTEL....oh yeah..
I was in an administrative meeting the other day with the CNO, (a discharge planning meeting), and we were discussing transfers and discharges. The CNO came up with a plan to have a "check out" time, someone replied, "oh, now we really are Hotel Lakeview". She replied with "No, we're going to be the Ritz-Carlton!"
eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww. I am NOT a service in a HOTEL! I am an RN, providing medical care!!!!!!! I hate the way this is going........
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I now will only work in a locked ICU with tight security and very strict visiting hours.
I do, however, believe that certain areas of nursing are more prone to this type of family behavior than others and this is why some in the nursing community do not understand why I get sickened when I hear about trends toward making unlimited visiting hours or the many times I've heard the old "You need to put yourself in the family members shoes, they are going through a hard time." Aren't we all?.
Thank you for saying this! I've gotten so much of the "you need to be kinder to the family members," and "You'll soften your stance when a relative of YOURS is hospitalized" from other nurses on this board. Thing is, I've spent 10 days sitting next to my father's bed in the ICU, and I did it without becoming nasty or abusive. Or demanding. Only time I said ANYTHING -- and I said it as nicely as possible --was when I had to suggest to Dad's nurse that perhaps the reason he wasn't overbreathing the vent was the Vecuronium drip.
I'm a big fan of the locked unit -- for obvious reasons. Too bad hospitals seem to be moving in the opposite direction!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I now will only work in a locked ICU with tight security and very strict visiting hours.
I do, however, believe that certain areas of nursing are more prone to this type of family behavior than others and this is why some in the nursing community do not understand why I get sickened when I hear about trends toward making unlimited visiting hours or the many times I've heard the old "You need to put yourself in the family members shoes, they are going through a hard time." Aren't we all?.
Thank you for saying this! I've gotten so much of the "you need to be kinder to the family members," and "You'll soften your stance when a relative of YOURS is hospitalized" from other nurses on this board. Thing is, I've spent 10 days sitting next to my father's bed in the ICU, and I did it without becoming nasty or abusive. Or demanding. Only time I said ANYTHING -- and I said it as nicely as possible --was when I had to suggest to Dad's nurse that perhaps the reason he wasn't overbreathing the vent was the Vecuronium drip.
I'm a big fan of the locked unit -- for obvious reasons. Too bad hospitals seem to be moving in the opposite direction!
..................................i agree with you that our
health care system has changed the perception as to what a hospital is supposed to provide nowadays. the system markets itself as a hotel environment more so now than it ever has to attract the buck. the more
it became a business, the more it lost its focus or soul. deep down, patients
and family members feel this and become afraid. so, if a person walks in the door ill and expects hotel accomodations, it sets everyone up for failure and great disappointment. family members become upset. it has no reflection on you. and yes, family members can be more exhausting taking care of all their needs than the energy it takes to take care of that one patient. you have to take care of yourself. talk it out, vent, exercise, take a smoke (oops, did i
say that), switch assignments, take a day off or plan that vacation, what
ever it takes to take care of you.
couldn't say it better than this because this is exactly what a huge part of the problem is today. it is because of this change that nurses are no longer viewed as an important part of healthcare, but as maidservants to cater to people who bring in the bucks to keep the hospital owners and insurance owners filthy rich.
..................................i agree with you that our
health care system has changed the perception as to what a hospital is supposed to provide nowadays. the system markets itself as a hotel environment more so now than it ever has to attract the buck. the more
it became a business, the more it lost its focus or soul. deep down, patients
and family members feel this and become afraid. so, if a person walks in the door ill and expects hotel accomodations, it sets everyone up for failure and great disappointment. family members become upset. it has no reflection on you. and yes, family members can be more exhausting taking care of all their needs than the energy it takes to take care of that one patient. you have to take care of yourself. talk it out, vent, exercise, take a smoke (oops, did i
say that), switch assignments, take a day off or plan that vacation, what
ever it takes to take care of you.
couldn't say it better than this because this is exactly what a huge part of the problem is today. it is because of this change that nurses are no longer viewed as an important part of healthcare, but as maidservants to cater to people who bring in the bucks to keep the hospital owners and insurance owners filthy rich.
and while you're fetching that coffee, your other pt. craps out. what do you tall the doc (or the other pts family, or administration): oh sorry, i was too busy serving my 'customers' do give patient care. :angryfire :angryfire
sorry but i'm not too sure if you're agreeing w/ me or telling me off. i 'm pretty sure i said i would never in a trillion, gazillion years serve refreshments to a pt's family just to serve my "customers" kind of thing.
but......
if all was quiet, with no one in any imminent danger, and the coffee was 2 minutes away....i would offer someone inconsolable, in need of a friend, a freaking cup of coffee. if a pt craps out within that 2 minutes, with me only within 20 feet, i'm pretty sure i'd drop the cup and no harm done. hope that clears it all up for 'ya.
and while you're fetching that coffee, your other pt. craps out. what do you tall the doc (or the other pts family, or administration): oh sorry, i was too busy serving my 'customers' do give patient care. :angryfire :angryfire
sorry but i'm not too sure if you're agreeing w/ me or telling me off. i 'm pretty sure i said i would never in a trillion, gazillion years serve refreshments to a pt's family just to serve my "customers" kind of thing.
but......
if all was quiet, with no one in any imminent danger, and the coffee was 2 minutes away....i would offer someone inconsolable, in need of a friend, a freaking cup of coffee. if a pt craps out within that 2 minutes, with me only within 20 feet, i'm pretty sure i'd drop the cup and no harm done. hope that clears it all up for 'ya.
sorry but i'm not too sure if you're agreeing w/ me or telling me off. i 'm pretty sure i said i would never in a trillion, gazillion years serve refreshments to a pt's family just to serve my "customers" kind of thing.
i was agreeing with you, and giving my reason (to administration) as to why we are not there to serve customers, but to give nursing care to pts. :)
Sorry but I'm not too sure if you're agreeing w/ me or telling me off. I 'm pretty sure I said I would never in a trillion, gazillion years serve refreshments to a pt's family just to serve my "customers" kind of thing.
BUT......
If all was quiet, with no one in any imminent danger, and the coffee was 2 minutes away....I would offer someone inconsolable, in need of a friend, a freaking cup of coffee. If a pt craps out within that 2 minutes, with me only within 20 feet, I'm pretty sure I'd drop the cup and no harm done. Hope that clears it all up for 'ya.
We set up a coffee cart for the pt.'s family. Each nurse brought in a can of coffee per month. It was the best $5 a month, I could spend. It saved me time and energy. When a pt.'s family asked for a cup of coffee, they were directed the to unit's coffee cart or to the hospital cafe.
I know that the hospital should have been providing this service, if they were truely "customer service" orientated, but sometimes its just better to invest a few bucks on your own.
After several weeks of leaving work depressed I am finally asking for advice here. What do you do when family members talk down to you? I am so discouraged that I am seriously considering a change in profession. I guess when I say "talk down" I am putting it lightly. I should say: scream, curse, bad mouth, yell and otherwise expect you to be the Walmart Service Desk. I am a strong person, I can take up for myself. I have no problem referring the person to the proper management personel that can take the service requests better then me due to their inflated salary and nice office chairs. But the treatment I have been recieving hurts. I guess I went into this profession because I have compassion for others, understand their downfalls and want to help make it better. Is it just me or has the generations changed in their ways of thinking? When I first started in Nursing as a CNA the pts, and family members were appreciative. Now very few are ever appreciative. If staff answers their call in 3 minutes it should have been 1. I blame some on management, for always promising the best when they know they cannot always provide the best 100% of the time. But are people becoming more rude then ever? How do you stand up for yourself in a professional way? I have thought that maybe it is just me, but I got to talking with other staff who say that they to have been insulted personally and professionally and do not really know how to respond. I know that part of the problem is the fact that we are also short staffed, and family members do not know that their anger directed towards me is useless and ineffective since I cannot fix the situation, but that doesn't make me feel any better!
Hi
I have been on both sides of this fence, my son died last month after a lengthy illness, rare illness. Please try to remember one thing, families feel powerless over their loved ones state of health.
There is nothing that they can do but try to insure that the patient is getting the best. Try to engage in a conversation with the family, become an outlet to them, and maybe you will see a difference in their behavior. Anger is depression turned inside. Be Blessed. It is not personal.
I also work in LTC, and there are days that the families just seem to ALL be having a bad day, and there are the select few that are having bad lives...
But seriously, in their defense, I had a family member go ballistic on my just a couple of days ago. The daughter was so angry that she began to cry. And she told me that it was the hardest decision that they have ever had to make to put Dad in a nursing home. I imagine alot of their anger was guilt, and that little things aren't done, like fingernails being trimmed and dirty (they were) and just minor ditties....
You know? That means alot to families when their loved ones are clean and tidy....
I had a few extra minutes after my shift and made sure this gentlemans nails were cut and cleaned the next day for him (and his family), and I also took the time to let them vent their problems to me. Yea, it did take some time I could have been using elsewhere, but I am there for families too. I can empathize with the horrid guilt they must be feeling having to put Dad there in the first place.
Hang in there, stand up for your facility, assure them that you are doing all you can for their familiy member...but the little things do mean alot I have discovered.
We need good nurses in LTC, I do realize it is probably the hardest job you will ever do, but it is also one of the most rewarding.
Good Luck to you! :)
In my years as a RN in LTC, I have found out that family anger is mostly based on guilt of placing a family member in a LTC facility. I strongly agree that it is the "little" things done for a resident that counts the most. Basic care is about all the families ask of the staff,( mouth care, nail care, etc.) I remember working in an ICU at a local hospital, early in my career, and had to defibrillate my patient--he survived. It was not the fact that I had "saved" the patients life, but that on the previous night, I had put a blanket on my patient as it was too cool in the unit. The family told my nurse manager how caring I was. Please remember a kind word to your resident AND keeping families informed goes a long way.
it is because of this change that nurses are no longer viewed as an important part of healthcare, but as maidservants to cater to people who bring in the bucks to keep the hospital owners and insurance owners filthy rich. 
laurakoko
184 Posts
I HEAR YAH ABOUT THE CUSTOMER/CLIENT thing... and the HOTEL....oh yeah..
I was in an administrative meeting the other day with the CNO, (a discharge planning meeting), and we were discussing transfers and discharges. The CNO came up with a plan to have a "check out" time, someone replied, "oh, now we really are Hotel Lakeview". She replied with "No, we're going to be the Ritz-Carlton!"
eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww. I am NOT a service in a HOTEL! I am an RN, providing medical care!!!!!!! I hate the way this is going........