After several weeks of leaving work depressed I am finally asking for advice here. What do you do when family members talk down to you? I am so discouraged that I am seriously considering a change in profession. I guess when I say "talk down" I am putting it lightly. I should say: scream, curse, bad mouth, yell and otherwise expect you to be the Walmart Service Desk. I am a strong person, I can take up for myself. I have no problem referring the person to the proper management personel that can take the service requests better then me due to their inflated salary and nice office chairs. But the treatment I have been recieving hurts. I guess I went into this profession because I have compassion for others, understand their downfalls and want to help make it better. Is it just me or has the generations changed in their ways of thinking? When I first started in Nursing as a CNA the pts, and family members were appreciative. Now very few are ever appreciative. If staff answers their call in 3 minutes it should have been 1. I blame some on management, for always promising the best when they know they cannot always provide the best 100% of the time. But are people becoming more rude then ever? How do you stand up for yourself in a professional way? I have thought that maybe it is just me, but I got to talking with other staff who say that they to have been insulted personally and professionally and do not really know how to respond. I know that part of the problem is the fact that we are also short staffed, and family members do not know that their anger directed towards me is useless and ineffective since I cannot fix the situation, but that doesn't make me feel any better!
Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.
Awesome advice here!
Normally I enter a room with a smile and I guess I must look confident with my gait. I get into a room, and if the smile doesn't do it...well time for some active listening (and lots of 'inner dialoge telling myself to calm, breathe...no don't say it....okay breathe.
I find that if I sit down, that helps! That way I am not in a offensive "superior" position, and I actively listen. I let them vent. And when they are done, I do exactly what has been said a few times. I validate their feelings, using quotes as I can to assure them I listened, then point the converstation into a proactive approach towards the probelms at hand. I ask "what do you think that can be done, not just by nurses, but all staff, that can help?".
If it goes beyond reason, or they cuss at me...well, I have never been very good at not sticking up for myself, and taking verbal abuse (sometimes is has been physical, had a residents daughter poke her finger at my chest...she almost had it broken by me by gut reaction to being touched!). But I try really hard not to say anything rash, and I excuse myself to get the administration, because it then becomes their probelm!
I believe it is my job to do things proactively for the sake of my resident, not my job to defend myself to difficult family members who are taking up my time from others, stressing out my resident, and creating a scene! If they don't have anything to say that I can fix or help with, which most of the converstations wind up being far from any proactive discussion, then best I go and help someone that needs me, and there is no lack of that anytime of day or night!
We are also at liberty (licensed nurses) to excuse family members for disruption for the sake of our other residents, which I had to do for a son who was visiting his mother and was 13 sheets to the wind! He was loud, obnoxious, put up a fist and shook it at one of my caregivers. Okay, I was shaking, but I told him he had 3 minutes to say goodnight to his mother, and be off the facility grounds or I would call the police. He doubted me, called me a very interesting assortment of bad names, and looked at my watch and said "sorry time is up", grabbed my cel phone. WHEW...he left before I hit 9! (he might of attacked me which I was afraid of). He has been banned from the facility, and was arrested a week later for spousal abuse! He won't be seeing mom for a long time, and very sad for poor mom ...it wasn't her fault.
You sound much like myself!! I have been in healthcare since I was 17, I am now 33, and the family members are becoming much ruder. There was a time when people were appreciative of the hard work done by nurses and CNA'S. Today, they are lawsuit happy, they go online and look up meds, they don't want to let PCP's take care of their family members, or they don't agree with rec. made by the docs. It gets very frustrating for all involved with the care of the pt. And that is what it all comes down to, what is best for the pt. We, as nurses are the advocates for the pt. who cannot speak for themself, and if an interfering family member is getting in the way of what is best for the pt., I have no qualms about questioning their motives, and I have. You follow doc. orders, careplans, diets, so the pt. gets the best all around care, and if a family member is in my face screaming and carrying on, I look at it as they are not allowing me to do my job to carry all of that out. And I will tell them that, I then refer them to my Supervisor, and walk away, it's not worth it to get into it with them, as they are usually not coherent. I also have BIG issue with people who interrupt my med pass, and I ask them how would they feel if I was preparing meds for mom, and someone interrupted me... That usually works. Don't get discouraged, I'm sure the patients appreciate what you do, and that is all that counts!!
After several weeks of leaving work depressed I am finally asking for advice here. What do you do when family members talk down to you? I am so discouraged that I am seriously considering a change in profession. I guess when I say "talk down" I am putting it lightly. I should say: scream, curse, bad mouth, yell and otherwise expect you to be the Walmart Service Desk. I am a strong person, I can take up for myself. I have no problem referring the person to the proper management personel that can take the service requests better then me due to their inflated salary and nice office chairs. But the treatment I have been recieving hurts. I guess I went into this profession because I have compassion for others, understand their downfalls and want to help make it better. Is it just me or has the generations changed in their ways of thinking? When I first started in Nursing as a CNA the pts, and family members were appreciative. Now very few are ever appreciative. If staff answers their call in 3 minutes it should have been 1. I blame some on management, for always promising the best when they know they cannot always provide the best 100% of the time. But are people becoming more rude then ever? How do you stand up for yourself in a professional way? I have thought that maybe it is just me, but I got to talking with other staff who say that they to have been insulted personally and professionally and do not really know how to respond. I know that part of the problem is the fact that we are also short staffed, and family members do not know that their anger directed towards me is useless and ineffective since I cannot fix the situation, but that doesn't make me feel any better!
I should say: scream, curse, bad mouth, yell and otherwise expect you to be the Walmart Service Desk.
Be strong, sure, and be assertive. Many people like this will back down if they are challenged in return. If verbal abuse continues, call security. Give them the choice of either 1.) handling issues appropriately, or 2.) being escorted out of the hospital until they can calm down. Most will choose the first option.
In behaving in this way, family members/friends are disrupting care of your patient. It's totally unacceptable.
God help them if they catch me on the wrong night. hehe :angryfire
I don't care about them. You gotta have thick skin in nursing or your dead.
totally agree... if a family member becomes verbally abusive to me, id told him/her off --- excuse me? if u cant lower down ur voice, i wld refuse to attend to you.. our trust operates a zero-tolerance level against harassment..
and from there...i will document, document and document....
worse comes to worse, that's why proper documentation in our care plan is vital. it save ar**s most of the tym...
After several weeks of leaving work depressed I am finally asking for advice here. What do you do when family members talk down to you? I am so discouraged that I am seriously considering a change in profession.........................................Family members do not know that their anger directed towards me is useless and ineffective since I cannot fix the situation, but that doesn't make me feel any better!
Big subject and some fantastic replies, thanks. Don't change profession too hastily.
Just a small offering - get the doctor/senior nurse to call a family 'round table conference' and try and clear the air that way, it sometimes works for a while. Document the incidents and 'verbals' on incident forms and (after keeping a copy yourself) hand them to the senior nurse and ask what to do! Never argue with a rude relative, they mostly have a guilt complex and/or are covering up their ignorance of the clinical situation.
If you know you are wrong, apologise and (without admitting anything) refer the relative to the senior nurse, or someone you can trust in a responsible position.
Yes, "Bin there and done that" it is not pleasant I know to be beaten up with words (and sometimes action) by a relative. They usually do not understand the situation like a nurse/doctor can, so it is always going to happen somewhere.
Make sure that you have your nursing union/insurance back-up. Just another occupational hazzard I feel.
Patient's families and patients are very rude. They think that this a hotel and they think that they are the only patients. If I were to focus on one patient, my other patients would not get care. They are selfish, how would they feel if I were with another patient who felt the same way they did? It's a hospital, not a hotel. The customer is not always right. We have to treat them as customers. I cannot do that. They are sick and there are others who are sick. One patient at a time. One's needs do not take priority over the others. Management, Administration or patient advocates need to get involved and tell them that they are exclusive, but there are other patients. Wait your turn, take a number. If they do not want to come back, too bad, there are more than enough sick people to take their place. The city where I work, the patient is stuck coming to us, we are the only game in town, there is no where else to go. It's not like going to a store and getting ****** off. If you are, you find another store.
Antikigirl, ASN, RN
2,595 Posts
Awesome advice here!
Normally I enter a room with a smile and I guess I must look confident with my gait. I get into a room, and if the smile doesn't do it...well time for some active listening (and lots of 'inner dialoge telling myself to calm, breathe...no don't say it....okay breathe.
I find that if I sit down, that helps! That way I am not in a offensive "superior" position, and I actively listen. I let them vent. And when they are done, I do exactly what has been said a few times. I validate their feelings, using quotes as I can to assure them I listened, then point the converstation into a proactive approach towards the probelms at hand. I ask "what do you think that can be done, not just by nurses, but all staff, that can help?".
If it goes beyond reason, or they cuss at me...well, I have never been very good at not sticking up for myself, and taking verbal abuse (sometimes is has been physical, had a residents daughter poke her finger at my chest...she almost had it broken by me by gut reaction to being touched!). But I try really hard not to say anything rash, and I excuse myself to get the administration, because it then becomes their probelm!
I believe it is my job to do things proactively for the sake of my resident, not my job to defend myself to difficult family members who are taking up my time from others, stressing out my resident, and creating a scene! If they don't have anything to say that I can fix or help with, which most of the converstations wind up being far from any proactive discussion, then best I go and help someone that needs me, and there is no lack of that anytime of day or night!
We are also at liberty (licensed nurses) to excuse family members for disruption for the sake of our other residents, which I had to do for a son who was visiting his mother and was 13 sheets to the wind! He was loud, obnoxious, put up a fist and shook it at one of my caregivers. Okay, I was shaking, but I told him he had 3 minutes to say goodnight to his mother, and be off the facility grounds or I would call the police. He doubted me, called me a very interesting assortment of bad names, and looked at my watch and said "sorry time is up", grabbed my cel phone. WHEW...he left before I hit 9! (he might of attacked me which I was afraid of). He has been banned from the facility, and was arrested a week later for spousal abuse! He won't be seeing mom for a long time, and very sad for poor mom
...it wasn't her fault.