real 911 calls, "believe" it or not!!
dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency?
caller: i heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
dispatcher: do you have an address?
caller: no, i'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency?
caller: someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
dispatcher: excuse me?
caller: i made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when i came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
dispatcher: was anything else taken?
caller: no, but this has happened to me before and i'm sick and tired of it.
dispatcher: 9-1-1 fire or emergency?
caller: fire, i guess.
dispatcher: how can i help you sir?
caller: i was wondering.....does the fire dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
dispatcher:! yes sir, do you have an emergency?
caller: well, i've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the fire dept. could come over and help me?
dispatcher: help you what?
caller: help me get these chains on my car!
dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is the nature of your emergency?
caller: i'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
dispatcher: this is nine eleven.
caller: i thought you just said it was nine-one-one
dispatcher: yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
caller: honey, i may be old, but i'm not stupid.
dispatcher: 9-1-1 what's the nature of your emergency?
caller: my wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
dispatcher: is this her first child?
caller: no, you idiot! this is her husband!
and the winner is..........
dispatcher: 9-1-1
caller: yeah, i'm having trouble breathing. i'm all out of breath. darn....i think i'm going to pass out.
dispatcher: sir, where are you calling from?
caller: i'm at a pay phone. north and foster. damn......
dispatcher: sir, an ambulance is on the way. are you an asthmatic?
caller: no.
dispatcher: what were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
caller: running from the police.