Reaching out to a deceased patients family

[nizhoniphoto]

I don't feel entirely comfortable asking questions here but I have nowhere else to turn.

I recently had a patient pass away. This person was terminally ill but the family believed they would get better, so their death came as a shock. Due to Covid restrictions, family was not able to be there with the patient when they suddenly passed away and they are shocked and devastated. To tell you the truth, so am I.

I found the patients family on facebook because I remembered their name and I want to reach out and share with them the patients final moments since they weren't able to be there. Is this a bad idea? The patient was terminally ill, but they were also stunned when that they died.

Please be gentle in your responses.

[Emergent, RN]

Yes, it crosses professional boundaries. Just worry about present patients. 

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

I wouldn't reach out on facebook, especially posting about final moments.

See if your hospital has a bereavement group or if other units do things for families.  Some hospitals have unit based councils/groups/ etc and will send out a card to the family offering condolences.

If the family lets your unit know of any arrangements or if there were any final desires of the patient for those who knew them ytou could always send a card.

Do not go through facebook.  It crosses social media guidelines, it could be construed as HIPAA especially because the only reason you knew the name was because you cared for them.  You don't want to get in trouble with your hospital out of wanting to do something nice.

[nizhoniphoto]

Okay, thanks so much.  This is probably why I felt the need to ask here because even though it seems like the right thing to do, my intuition was telling me it's crossing a boundary.  I deeply appreciate this.

[amoLucia]

Others have so wisely CAUTIONED - be ever so careful re any contact. In these HIPAA times, I doubt that I would try even a simple sympathy card.  N O T H I N G !

And that's so sad because there used to be times when nsg staff could reach out without any worries. Those contacts were always appreciated by families.

PP RNNPICU offers very good alternatives, esp re facility bereavement groups. Your facility SW or EAP could offer a similar service. But I wouldn't try anything independently.

And welcome to AN as a new member.

[Floor_Nurse]

Ditto. I know it seems a bit cruel, but you can't be friends with patients & their families once you clock out and leave your shift. Otherwise, you'll be opening up a big "can of worms" and you'll regret not separating work from home life. 

[speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

Same as all of the above...I understand that you feel for your patient and family, but a HIPAA violation can immediately blackball you in a hospital wide system , not to mention it is simply not the ethical or professional thing to do.....

[CaliRN2019, BSN]

Absolutely do NOT reach out through facebook. It violates HIPAA and professional boundaries. You could lose your job over it as well.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I understand that you want to offer the family some peace and closure.

For your own sake, this cannot be done on facebook. You could send an anonymous card or note.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Thank you for caring so much and for wanting to do something about it. I am so sorry that this isn't possible due to our litigious society and the blurring of boundaries. Please do what you need to do to keep yourself mentally healthy given the trauma you have been through. Your employer should have an EAP that can help and your colleagues should be a resource, as are we. Sending you hugs.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

It's possible that your hospital/unit sends a bereavement card to the family, sometimes our cards are on the unit for weeks, you could add a note. Or ask your manager whether something is being sent so you could sign it. As others have mentioned, an anonymous card is an option, but don't go through social media. 

These deaths have been so challenging in the times of limited visitors and it's been heartbreaking for patients and families that have been robbed of a good death because of it. Sorry for the family's loss, and for yours. 

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I suggest making out a sympathy card, addressing it, and handing it to your manager, asking her to read and send it if appropriate.