"You need to learn to tolerate abuse"

Nurses General Nursing

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I work at an inner city, religious based hospital. Our patient population is frequently difficult to work with as many are plagued with problems that are found in these areas. Our patient advocate for the hospital is a religious official. Recently, I heard her telling another hospital staff member, that "You need to learn to tolerate abuse." This made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I feel like I need to respond to this comment, as I don't believe anyone should tolerate abuse. I am not sure as how to approach this or what to say. Any suggestions?

Specializes in ER.

Tolerating abuse is an insult to the abuser. It implies you can't or won't expect better from them, so you just put up with it. A respectful response is assertive and let's them know you expect the same respect you give. Sometimes if a patient knows you think they can do better than they have been, and you are on their side, they become much easier to talk to, and can add information that helps provide care.

Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

Abuse should not be tolerated plain and simple. I don't care who it comes from patients or family members.

Specializes in acute medical.

Toleration of abuse? How many ppl here work at institutions that have "zero tolerance" abuse policies? How do they go about it? And how does theory and ideals translate into practice?

Also, how many nurses do each of us know that have left nursing because of abuse?

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geriatrics.
I work at an inner city, religious based hospital. Our patient population is frequently difficult to work with as many are plagued with problems that are found in these areas.

I had to chuckle at this. I think what is going to be more difficult for you is when you are working in a hospital that is NOT inner city and the patient population is NOT plagued with the problems that are presupposed for this group and the patients are still difficult to work with and they are still abusive. That's going to hurt.

Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
I had to chuckle at this. I think what is going to be more difficult for you is when you are working in a hospital that is NOT inner city and the patient population is NOT plagued with the problems that are presupposed for this group and the patients are still difficult to work with and they are still abusive. That's going to hurt.

I have to agree.

My current assignment, 96% of the patients are insured. Almost (95%) of the patients are not locals. My patients come in with their Prada purses, Coach bags and Louis Vuitton luggage.

They are also are accompanied by the nastest entitlement issues that I have seen 15 years of working healthcare. They are hands down the rudest with the poorest manners and treat the staff the worst - bar none.

As noted in another thread, the orientation to this assignment included threats of dismissal after two complaints and orientation to proper subserviance of "patrons" showing their benefactor card. It took 90 minutes to cover the tiny customer service manual (including the "CARE" inservice on how to PROPERLY address client concerns) and less than an hour to cover the rather thick clinical orientation manual.

There are no hall sinks and no communication of isolation issues to the nursing staff. But they have a paid lackey to go around and quiz us (while we are at theheight of season, overworked and underpaid) on what "CARE" means and the proper script.

Many local nurses complain that it is just their home behavior...but I know better. I've worked in the areas that many of the nonlocals are from, and this bad behavior would not be tolerated there. I have had rude visitors that were barred from visiting for 24 hours, and carried out by security for lesser offenses.

I told my recruiter that I would rather work with heroin users in innercity Philly - that they had better manners and behavior.

When you feed the mouse a cookie, he will come back demanding milk. When you feed into/reward bad behavior, you encourage it to continue.

I think you need to take a deep breath and then go talk privately with this leader. Ask her to clarify what she meant. Get her to give some examples. Or you give her some scenarios and ask her to say what you should do to be tolerant in said scenarios. Run some of the things by her that people have said here - like expecting a certain type of behavior often will elicit said behavior.

I'll bet she is an office worker, not on the front lines. She has probably never been verbally abused, let alone physically. Nor, I'd bet, has she had to be in an abusive situation every day, every day, for many hours with no relief, every day, every day.

If she really thinks that it's right to let people abuse us, she is destroying a couple of decades of progress that has been made by women, nurses, and others (kids, , minorities, elderly) who have been abused historically.

Don't be confrontational with her. I am afraid that she will make lots of trouble for you if she is powerful and high up in your organization.

I agree!!! Our patient advocate believes that because we are paid healthcare professionals, abusive and threatening behavior should be tolerated because our patients are "the sick poor and do not know better." I am not sure if I should attempt to approach her or her supervisor, as she does not seem to believe that there is anything wrong with this behavior.

Do not know better???? That is totally unreal. Sounds like the patient advocate is condoning and promoting abuse. I personally do not tolerate abuse from patients or families. You wouldn't happen to work at "The Bon"??

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

There is a huge difference between growing a thick skin and being strong and allowing yourself to be abused by others.

Specializes in TCU,ICU,OHRR,PACU,5Solid Organ Transplan.

Abuse should never be tolerated. I have become very firm with some patients while I set the boundaries. I have also been known to call security when the person becomes aggressive. I have also called MDs in the middle of the night requesting support via "Administrative discharge".

I believe evryone desrves health care. That does not mean I deserve to be treated like a dog.

No, I do not tolerate abuse. I can take care of a pt., do my job, make sure they are taken care of according to standards of care. It doesn't mean I have to smile, fluff pillows or for that matter even respond to them. Usually I just go on about my buisness. Once in a while, if I feel very very generous, I will softly pat the pt's hand or arm to let them kinow I still care despite their abuse. Let me re state- I do not have to be nancy nurse to them, just have to keep them safe.

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