i've always wondered why when there's a "communication difficulty," the person who says what they mean and means what they say is usually the one blamed for it. when someone bursts into tears at work, why are they always "the victim" and the person who was trying to tell them something they didn't like, couldn't understand or disagreed with was "the big old meanie who made them cry"?
we have a wonderful charge nurse -- always helpful, knowlegeable, well-organized. she's a great resource and i really enjoy working with her. her only flaw, if it can be called a flaw, is that she has a very direct style of communication. i overheard a series of exchanges where she was trying to convince a relatively new nurse that she needed to get up to speed with her assessments and nursing care and keep her documentation up to date. i was working next to this nurse, and picking up a lot of her slack. she wasn't keeping up -- and we weren't busy. hortense (not her name, but one you'll likely remember!) kept asking her if she needed help and what we could do to help her get her patient ready to transfer at 1100. myrtle (also not her name) kept saying she was doing fine, everything was ok, etc. yet 1100 came, and her patient still needed a bath, lines pulled, dressings changed and her charting done. myrtle had spent her morning rushing about doing stuff, but not really getting anything done. hortense and i stepped up and got the patient ready and transferred by 1200, the room cleaned and set up by 1245 because we had a new patient coming out of the or at 1300. myrtle continued to ineffectually flit around, but didn't get anything done.
finally, when myrtle complained about taking the new admission because she hadn't had lunch yet, hortense calmly but clearly explained to her that had she been able to transfer her patient by the allotted time, she'd have had an hour for lunch plus another half hour to relieve me for lunch and as it was none of the three of us had had lunch. she wasn't mean about it, just clear and factual. myrtle burst into tears and ran to the manager, complaining that hortense was being "mean to her." hortense and i both explained the situation to the manager, but the upshot is that hortense is being counseled about her "communication skills". i think myrtle ought to be going to the communications class with her. if hortense was too direct, myrtle obviously wasn't direct enough because she clearly wasn't "getting" what hortense and i had been trying to tell her all morning.
so when one staff member bursts into tears at work, why is the fault always seen to be the person who "made them cry." why don't we blame the person who bursts into tears at work? if they were capable of communicating directly and factually and understanding direct communication, they might not need to be talked to several times before the point gets across and perhaps emotions wouldn't be so high for everyone.
Ruby needed to vent about her experience. That is valid and understandable.
There are real issues regarding each generation. It would be wrong to make assumptions about any particular individual. However, anybody in management will tell you that overall, younger generations are becoming more hypersensitive and fragile regarding criticism. This is a challenge in the work place. In fact, some could interpret your reaction you have posted in this thread as an example.
This is an area of study within psychology and sociology.
.
Well said. I don't think anyone is picking on twenty year olds here. We all know cases where older nurses as well have been inappropriate in the workplace as well.
However as you stated, overall it tends to be a trend towards the younger generations. And hey, I'm only 38! To add to that, I have a sister who is 18. I see this hypersensitive attitude in her as well. Now myself and my other 34 year old sister were both working as teens all throughout high school. My little sister worked ONE summer, that's it. I have voiced my many concerns regarding her lack of enthusiasm towards working but to no avail. It IS a difference in generations.
I can definitely see her breaking down in the workplace. She can NOT handle criticism at all. Now this is not to say that all young people are the same but it is something I have seen before. I have not seen this as much with older nurses. Laziness? Yes. Whining? Yes. But tears, running to the boss and generally non communicating, NO.
I have lived with that spoiled boomer perception since I was a child. The people who first describe people my age as self centered were the WWII generation and their parents. People of the WWII generation who wrote about those things were usually better educated and from a middle classs or upper middle class white collar or professional background. They were mostly speaking of their own children who they considered spoiled brats who had life a lot easier than they did. I was born in '48 and am from a blue collar back ground. Most boomers especially early boomer born between '46 and '55 were not from middle and upper middle class backgrounds but from lower middle class backgrounds just like me, a lot were just plane poor. Honestly, I swear to you life was really hard when I was young. I was hungry at times, I was cold at times, at times I couldn't get to school cause I had no coat or boots. When I did get to school I would hide in a stairwell at lunch so I would not smell the food cooking because I did not have money for lunch, there was no food at home to brown bag it. The really difficult days were sporatic, in the '50s and early '60 the economy was very slow at times and better at other times. When the mills were working more we lived better. I am not complaining, I had it much better than people I knew who were bone jarringly poor every day of the week, every week of the year. One of the people I knew as "one of those poor kids" is my DH. His father was shell shocked during WWII and had PTS very bad and could not hold down a job. My husband's parents had six children who were very poorly fed and sheltered indeed. My hubby's strongest memory is of being homeless and standing in the snow with his mother and siblings with no where to go. His father was most likely lying dead drunk in a gutter somewhere. Believe it or not, neither of us has suffered any permanant damage from tough times. If anything we are both tough as nails. We are now comfortably middle class with nice paid for home, nice pensions and well educated, well balanced adult children. I just am afraid that everyone believes what they hear about people my age. I don't believe everything I hear about 30 somethings, or 20 somethings. Matter of fact I am really good at recognizing sterotypes for what they are and am slow to pass judgement.
I'm sorry the times were tough. Indeed there were tough times for many people, and times still are hard. The fact is that those times were the greatest economic surge of a single country in the history of the world. No not everyone was middle class, but the middle rose and took over the country, suburbs popped up everywhere, highways became clogged, it was good times like the world had never seen. And it did indeed shape the minds of the boomers.
I think there is some truth to this. I am shocked by the amount of twenty year olds that do not have jobs or that think it is no big deal to not have some sort of plan for the future!/B]
I'm dismayed at the number of boomers with no plan for the future as well. Many of us had no plan for the future when we were the 20 somethings judged by the older generation and we have no better plan now that we're 40 to 60something year old. The poor 20-somethings we complain about are going to have to pay the price for our indulgence, lack of saving and planning. 30 million of us are reaching retirement age with nothing in the bank. Another 30 million with inadequate reserves.
ruby needed to vent about her experience. that is valid and understandable.
there are real issues regarding each generation. it would be wrong to make assumptions about any particular individual. however, anybody in management will tell you that overall, younger generations are becoming more hypersensitive and fragile regarding criticism. this is a challenge in the work place. in fact, some could interpret your reaction you have posted in this thread as an example.
this is an area of study within psychology and sociology.
there was a time when employees did not even consider crying in the workplace. there was a time when people were not so fragile when corrected. they just said "ok" and went about their business. perhaps it is because younger generations have experienced more freedom of expression and exploration of feelings so much. i see it in places like my psych class where students over-react to grades and seem to have some sort of entitlement attitude. yes, they do. in addition, they tend to try to turn class discussions into group therapy. these sorts of trends carry over into the workplace.
i don't think my reaction to this post is fragile or hypersentive at all. i totally understand someone needing to vent about an experience. but have you read some of the post here? what does this:
i too am shocked by the number of 20-somethings who seem to believe that they deserve (and should have) everything they want right now just because they want it. they don't want to put in their time on nights before moving to days, don't want to "waste time" on an entry level position, and don't want to move into their own apartments because they have all the toys living with mom and dad and can use their paychecks to buy more toys rather than "wasting it" on rent, utilities and groceries!
what shocks me even more is the folks who have obviously never had any negative feedback in their lives, believe they don't deserve any, and have no idea how to accept it. anytime you say anything they don't like, don't agree with or don't want to hear, they burst into tears or run to the manager saying you're being mean to them. i'm sorry, but no one is perfect, especially not when they're brand new. so how in the world are you going to give them constructive feedback? they'll accuse you of being mean because you've told them something negative and implied (or stated) that they aren't as perfect as mummy and daddy always assured them they were!
have to do with venting about a situation at work? i understand as you've stated that this is an area within psych/ soc. i don't expect everyone to agree with me. i'm just stating my opinion like everyone else. believe me ruby, i know you don't mean every 20 something on the planet. i'm just responding to some of the posts here is all.
Last year I took a course in developmental psychology. The professor was fond of reminding us that older generations have complained about younger generations since Roman times.
I don't think anyone posting here means to pick on twentysomethings; in fact, I was intrigued by an early poster who said (s)he supervises four women in their fifties, and that comes with challenges of its own. (Haven't we all worked with the person who does something simply because "that's the way it's always been done?") I think what these posts highlight are perceptions, as much about those who hold them as those who are the targets of them.
I guess I am in the minority here. I'm all for telling people exactly how it is, exactly how they are doing, and exactly what needs to be done, but I think it needs to be done in an appropriate manner. I used to work with a nurse who would do chart checks and walk up to other nurses and say things like, "I can't read your ******* handwriting. Get your *** back to third grade or start printing." Sure, the nurse needed to be told that everyone was having trouble reading her handwriting, but she didn't need to be told in that manner. There were a lot of other things she said, that seemed pretty harsh too, that one jsut stands out in my mind today. I also think it is important to tell people what they are doing wrong right away. When people wait until they are tired and overworked and are just sick of someone doing what they are doing, feelings get hurt. I handle criticism pretty well when it is fair...and it's not fair to yell, "You are so slow. Are you really that stupid that you can't get it done?" when you could simply say, "You really need to pick up the pace on getting patients called back. When they have to wait a long time for you to call back, they get frustrated and call back and yell at the receptionist." It's also important to tell people what they can do to correct what they are doing wrong...sometimes new nurses don't realize they are taking too much time doing baths or that they don't need to do a full head to toe assessment every two hours.
I guess I am in the minority here. I'm all for telling people exactly how it is, exactly how they are doing, and exactly what needs to be done, but I think it needs to be done in an appropriate manner. I used to work with a nurse who would do chart checks and walk up to other nurses and say things like, "I can't read your ******* handwriting. Get your *** back to third grade or start printing." Sure, the nurse needed to be told that everyone was having trouble reading her handwriting, but she didn't need to be told in that manner. There were a lot of other things she said, that seemed pretty harsh too, that one jsut stands out in my mind today. I also think it is important to tell people what they are doing wrong right away. When people wait until they are tired and overworked and are just sick of someone doing what they are doing, feelings get hurt. I handle criticism pretty well when it is fair...and it's not fair to yell, "You are so slow. Are you really that stupid that you can't get it done?" when you could simply say, "You really need to pick up the pace on getting patients called back. When they have to wait a long time for you to call back, they get frustrated and call back and yell at the receptionist." It's also important to tell people what they can do to correct what they are doing wrong...sometimes new nurses don't realize they are taking too much time doing baths or that they don't need to do a full head to toe assessment every two hours.
very good points you made, too bad this post is way at the end of thread
I guess I am in the minority here. I'm all for telling people exactly how it is, exactly how they are doing, and exactly what needs to be done, but I think it needs to be done in an appropriate manner. .
I don't think you are in the minority at all. I think most of us want to be told how it is and what's what but appropriately.
Is there anyone that wants it told another way? Sugar coated perhaps?
I have been trying to figure out what, when and how it all happened for a very long time. I am in the over 39 and under 45 group...I had my first job as soon as I could as a teen...Have not stopped working since. I see it with many of my friends kids and 20 something (young adults)...they do not want to work as hard. Now, with that said I also know some that are very hard working and have nothing but positive energy. My siblings and I are all hard working, parents were also. My husband and brothers very hard working, sisters are as lazy as the day is long, his parents ran 2 businesses. While he and his brothers were groomed to be the providers, the sisters were raised old fashioned: Raise your children and be a home maker. None of them will work...I find it unrealistic and annoying. I moved out when I was 18 and never looked back. I have a great relationship with my family, I have just always been very independent.
Is Myrtle still on orientation or is she on her own? Sounds like she needs more orientation if she hasn't mastered the basic time-management of the unit. We all have shifts where everything goes kablooey (quite a few actually) but if the basic time management is down, it's easier to be flexible. Sounds like Myrtle hasn't gotten there yet.
The tears thing sounds like a serious case of insecurity, to me. I remember when I first started out (and I was an older new grad, and very independent), I had the idea that to ask for help was an admission that I couldn't handle what everyone else *could* handle and therefore I sucked. I got over that real quickly in order to survive. Now, I have no qualms about asking for help when I need it when I'm swamped, and of course, offering, and giving help as well.
As a matter of fact, I've noticed that when folks see me asking for help, THEY are more likely to ask me for help, too and we end up with a nice team-work environment where we all work hard to make sure ALL patients get what they need. Even on the worst nights, and in our overburdened ER, there are lots of those, the TEAM makes it doable.
I'm precepting an older new grad now, and I make it a point of discussion with her where she is and what we'll be working on every shift we work. She works hard and is very interested to learn what she doesn't know. On my side of it, I'll tell her "tonite we really need to work on speed of assessments, so let's see what we can do with that." Gives her a heads up that I'm going to be monitoring how things are flowing and what have you, and she comes to me if she's unsure as well. She doesn't feel as if I'm hovering but she's well aware of the goals we are trying to accomplish together for her. So far, her progress is terrific and on schedule, in my opinion.
Myrtle, however, sounds as if she is still stuck in the insecure newbie phase, unable to take constructive comments when offered without assuming it's a personal attack. I'd have a little sympathy for the insecurity/tears EXCEPT that she then when whining to the manager. At that point, my sympathy disappears and I think "you just got what you wanted, didn't you?"
I agree with other posters that 1) doesn't sound like Myrtle will stay in your department very long and 2) while age/generation can make a difference in how folks communicate, no one generation has the corner on manipulative behavior. Poor Myrtle would spend every night crying in my ER, because we all tend to be very direct and our charge nurse runs the show like he's conducting a band and expects everyone to play their part in tune and on time. Like I said, even on the worst nights, we have a great team - in part, because of a strong, direct charge nurse who jumps in and helps when needed. Have a lot of respect for him, that's for sure.
I had to laugh at your post because it made me imagine how she'd fare where I work; both depts. are full of headstrong, direct communicators. Not that we're mean, but turning on the tears just wouldn't do.
I'm sorry the times were tough. Indeed there were tough times for many people, and times still are hard. The fact is that those times were the greatest economic surge of a single country in the history of the world. No not everyone was middle class, but the middle rose and took over the country, suburbs popped up everywhere, highways became clogged, it was good times like the world had never seen. And it did indeed shape the minds of the boomers.
Don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for people who never struggle. They miss out on the best part of life. When you struggle and overcome that is when life is really sweet.
When you struggle and overcome that is when life is really sweet.
Cattitude
696 Posts
Well said. I don't think anyone is picking on twenty year olds here. We all know cases where older nurses as well have been inappropriate in the workplace as well.
However as you stated, overall it tends to be a trend towards the younger generations. And hey, I'm only 38! To add to that, I have a sister who is 18. I see this hypersensitive attitude in her as well. Now myself and my other 34 year old sister were both working as teens all throughout high school. My little sister worked ONE summer, that's it. I have voiced my many concerns regarding her lack of enthusiasm towards working but to no avail. It IS a difference in generations.
I can definitely see her breaking down in the workplace. She can NOT handle criticism at all. Now this is not to say that all young people are the same but it is something I have seen before. I have not seen this as much with older nurses. Laziness? Yes. Whining? Yes. But tears, running to the boss and generally non communicating, NO.