"On my last leg"

NocturneNrse · Nov 3, 2015

I've felt it since nursing school too... however, there are parts of it that I LOVE.. damn the parts I hate. I understand your feelings.

nursej22, MSN, RN · Nov 3, 2015

TU RN, I think it is very healthy of you to admit that you are unhappy and realize its time for a change. A therapist sounds like a great idea, they ought to help you deal with the unhappiness you are feeling, and help you move on.

I left bedside nursing a year ago, after twenty good years, and a couple of years of being miserable. Now I teach, and have most of my weekends off, and holidays and time with the love of my life. For those who love hospital nursing, good for them. But there is no shame in acknowledging it ain't your thing.

Best of luck to you, if I had to do it all again, I'd choose pharmacy or ultrasonography.

annie.rn · Nov 3, 2015

Hi TU RN :-) I remember your posts and have always loved your perspective on things and your sense of humor.

Take this w/ a grain of salt b/c of course I don't know you. But. I think it may be a wee bit too early to throw in the towel on your nursing career. The type of nursing you've done so far is tough and not for everyone. There's no shame in not enjoying it.

Do you think that w/ the help of the therapist you could figure out a way to stick it out in the ICU and make it to the one year mark?

The reason I ask this is b/c I see a lot of cool job openings that want the applicant to have that ICU/ER/ambulatory care experience.

One I recently saw was an occupational health nurse for JP Morgan. The description was awesome. And it was 9 to 5 in a corporate office building.

I've also seen some cool research nursing jobs that want those critical care skills.

So, my unsolicited 2 cents. I like you and want you to be happy as a nurse. I bet you'll be able to find your niche.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

Lev, MSN, RN, NP · Nov 3, 2015

4 months in the ICU? I too, agree that it may be a little to early to judge. I've never worked ICU, but I work in a very busy ER and this has been a huge adjustment for me. I had 2 years of experience on the floor before making the switch. I am just (after 10 months) starting to relax a little. It takes time. You work in a high acuity high stress environment. Stick it up in the ICU and it will open doors for you. You will start feeling better as you feel competent again. There is a learning curve to embrace.

calivianya, BSN, RN · Nov 3, 2015

I have only ever worked ICU and we are a naturally suspicious bunch - I feel like you're not really going to have that good camaraderie with your coworkers until you've been there almost a year. Some of my coworkers are just now starting to be friendly with me and I've been at my current job for almost 15 months. Once your coworkers start supporting and trusting you, it really does get better, because you know that even when the feces are really hitting the fan, your coworkers have your back. Your coworkers trusting you, and you trusting them, is absolutely crucial to surviving ICU and that sort of trust doesn't develop in four months.

Not to mention by the time you have been there a year, your skills will be stronger, you will know your average patient population better, and you will be more able to anticipate the way things are going to shake down.

But hey, if you feel like you can't do it anymore, by all means leave - but I do think you are selling yourself a little short leaving before you give ICU a real chance to feel like home.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Nov 3, 2015

Self awareness is a wonderful thing. Thanks for your honesty OP. Glad you're reaching out for some qualified assistance - other than all us 'armchair quarterbacks' here at AN.

Best wishes on your future success, no matter what direction you choose.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Nov 3, 2015

I have an appointment with a therapist. Like.. me. You all don't know me, but me? Therapist? Just unbelievable.

There is no one who is so together that they couldn't benefit from therapy at some point in their life. It may be the best thing you can do for yourself.

Normally I'd encourage you to stick it out in ICU for a year (it took me a year in ICU to stop feeling sick to my stomach on the way to work every day). But it seems you've made up your mind.

Nursing isn't for everyone. But there are many paths in nursing which don't involve stressful bedside care. The only caveat to that is that those paths often require a certain amount of experience in certain fields.

I wish you good luck in whatever you decide. I don't think there should be an expectation that work will always be fun or fulfilling (that's why it's called "work"), but it should also not overwhelm a person with stress or unhappiness.

Dranger · Nov 3, 2015

I remember I have spoken with you a few times and completely understand where you are at. I joke all the time with MRI, US, Rads and Echo techs that I should have gone that route. They nearly make as much or more than a nurse with a fraction of the stress. They get in and get out or call the nurse when the patient has crapped everywhere or just pulled out their Foley or IV.

I actually like ICU for what it is more than step-down, but I wanted more which is why I am going the provider route. You can only clean do so much of the grunt work before you get disillusioned with patients who don't even care about themselves.

Personally I think you should hack out another 8 months in the ICU then move on to something else, but hey if you are done you are and I understand that.

TU RN, DNP, CRNA · Nov 5, 2015

Thanks for the input everyone.

You all make very logical, respectable points and I appreciate them all. I can't say that I enjoyed nursing when I was in stepdown, although I did find fulfillment when I was attending classes and committee meetings. Giving your focus to one thing or maybe two at a time was very manageable, but as a bedside nurse I simply feel torn in too many directions to perform. No one task is too great: cleaning a GIB multiple times a night, starting a pressor on septic pt/sedative on a newly tubed pt, running to pharmacy to get a med, et cetera... but when I am accomplishing one thing, another six tasks are being sidelined and neglected. Add patients complaining. Add other nurses judging. Add more tasks. Add managers sending nasty emails. I am an intelligent, adaptable, hard-working person, but under the anxiety of juggling so many tasks and issues, I simply can't put forth a quality effort. And yes, even after 2 years of skill building on stepdown. If it ain't the job by now, it's gotta be me.

I really loved doing ultrasound IVs, had a knack for it, was acknowledged for doing it -- but unfortunately there aren't IV teams in these city hospitals and the responsibility was just another item added to my job duties as an ordinary staff RN. This is my motivation for sonography. A hands-on, one-to-one, technology-oriented position where I can focus on one task at a time and get paid the same money with equal benefits in a career with the same outlook? What do I sacrifice? I had no calling to this job, like many nurses. This esoteric, elusive opportunity to become a NP or CRNA where the pay is driven up due to whatever unacknowledged/downright ignored pile of stress and work that is dumped upon the poor sap who thought it was their dream? Those jobs are gonna be filled up in a few years with where this profession is headed anyway. Not saying I won't still keep my license active though

Should l stick it out a full year? Of course I SHOULD and likely will. If not to make my resume look normal, or so much as to appear professional about the whole thing, at LEAST to give the new job/hospital a fighting chance. I ultimately do believe I've made up my mind though as I've never pictured myself outside of critical care nursing (maybe IV or PICC team but those opportunities are rare) which I apparently hate.

Are my coworkers cold and standoffish towards me? Of course not, they like me a lot. For the most part every other RN or MD or CNA I've worked with has liked me, worked hard on their own end, and taken good care of there patients. Yes there have been lazy, rude, dumb, and ignorant people across the board but that's true of every job. I don't view this as a stressor/source of dissatisfaction at all.

Am I a mildly awkward introvert perfectionist who expects way more of himself as a RN than can possibly be done, literally all the time? Yes, but I haven't been able to change that in 3.5 years of healthcare experience. I (that's me, myself) think nurses are challenged way too much for the amount of compensation they receive. That is, monetary OR whatever gushy resume-friendly feeling of satisfaction you might get from helping somebody. Your trash man helps people friend. So does the guy at sev who rings up your coffee and the guy who paints the lines on the road.

nurseactivist · Nov 5, 2015

There are many paths in nursing. There are UR, case management, home health, school nursing. If you have BSN, PHN there is public health nursing. There are clinics. Nurses with critical care experience can become flight nurses/transport nurses.

I strongly advise you to keep your license and hope that you find a job that is a better fit.

Dranger · Nov 5, 2015

Like I said man the tech jobs really aren't that bad. Maybe you don't have the flexibility of a nurse nor the upward movement but the pay and stress are great. When have you ever heard an MRI tech saying their job was stressful?

I am glad you recognize the glut soon to face APRNs. It seems many other here think its such a novel concept for them to all of sudden want to pursue advanced practice, without realizing about every other nurse with a BSN wants the same thing. The field except for specialty APRN roles will be saturated in a few years. The online/part-time gigs with little regulation will drive salaries down. Employers will have the pick of the litter while thousands will need to go back to bedside nursing to pay the bills. Reality isn't glitzy but saying you are pursuing a masters to receive a white coat is. You are also right in saying APRNs fighting for the same rights and responsibilities as physicians are not understanding that the stress is not adequately compensated. Physicians in that respect are well compensated.

The reason why I said stick out a year would be to fulfill the requirements for CNS or nurse educator. You seem like a smart guy and a less stressful job where you can be part bedside/part desk job would be to fulfill the educator role. They resource sometimes but also implement protocols for DKA, Sepsis etc or are a bridge between providers and nurses. The pay is also pretty good northwards of 80K+ salary at some places.