"Its dead, Jim"

[DaughterofRuth]

I'm not sure how to move forward from here. DH and I are separating. He's found an apartment and is moving on May 1st. I've long been the primary breadwinner in our marriage so on his salary he will just be able to afford the apartment, utilities, his car payment and insurance.

This leaves me in a bind with my studies. I've now got 11yo DD to co-parent with no hope of child support. I'll have her every other weekend so Saturday classes are out, and I work full-time with a long commute so evening classes are out. While a lot of nursing pre-reqs can be done online, the sciences cannot. That's not even considering once I get into a program and can't work full-time.

Yes I'm sure I could do loans but that's a LOT of money for an ADN program.

I've already withdrawn from classes this semester (AP1 and SOC) because the stress was just too much. I just don't know if I'll be going back :innerconf

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I am so glad that you will be able to continue in school. THat is probably the ticket for success for you and your daughter.

[DC Collins, ASN]

Please go back next semester. In the end it will be worth it. Take the loans! There are always programs coming along that give you lower rates later anyway.

Besides, you will never find a more secure future than in nursing. Once the loans are paid off, things will be great.

Look at this as just a hiccough your future.

[kellia]

Well, he'd better help with your dd, he is still her father and that's his job! Also, just because you make more does not necessarily mean that you will get no support, all fathers are obligated to help with their children's expenses no matter how little they make. I hope things continue to go amicalbly during the divorce. BTW- if you do decide between the two of you that he will be caring for your dd while you go to school, GET IT IN WRITING throug Friend of the Court! I'd hate for him to decide a couple weeks into your classes that he doesn't feel like it anymore.

Good luck! :)

[WDWpixieRN, RN]

I took chemistry online a couple of years ago and it was fine. A lot of self-learning and reading, some online lab 'experiments' (they were hilarious!), and then every other Saturday meetings with our test and real labs. I've read where lots of other folks have taken sciences online, so if you're a pretty good learner, I would imagine this is a great alternative to classroom time.

I hope things continue to work out well for you! Best wishes!!

[emmycRN]

DaughterofRUth,

Don't be surprised if he takes you to court for child support and spousal support. It sounds like dd lives with your husband, so that may be the case. Do not underestimate what he will do because he could surprise you.

When I separated from my husband, it was pretty amicable, considering he was abusive to myself and my son. Over Dhristmas last year he assaulted my son. I obtained a PFA and physical custody. I am so glad I did that. But he took me to court for spousal support even though he was abusive to us and I have custody. He won $290 a month, due to the large difference in our salaries. He only is able to pay his bills. But since I make much more money, even though my bills are substantially more than his, I still have to pay him! Even though I live paycheck to paycheck and have no money left, even though I now pay $500 a month for daycare for my son, and have attorney fees, I now have to come up with $290 a month for this lousy excuse for a man, who will undoubtably use the extra money for drugs and lottery tickets!

Sorry to come down on you, and I hope he does not do it, but even the most amicable of separations can turn into ugly divorces. Perhaps you could work out a more 50-50 custody agreement now that you dropped the classes, so that at least he can't take you for child support. there are daycare places that offer before and after school placement where children can do their homework and have a healthy snack as well after school. Just a thought.

This seems so unfair to me!! I have never heard of a woman being forced to support an abusive ex in this way, especially when the children are with you. I'm so sorry for what you have gone through with this loser!!

OP-I hope everything works out for you and you eventually realize your dream. Several students I went to school with were single parents, one lady had 4 children all still living at home. I know that these women were able to get lots of state and federal assistance and were able to cut down to 1-2 shifts/week while they were in school. Check out what resources are available for single parents at your school, you may be surprised. Good luck!!!

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

Believe it or not, it happens, more than you think. I have spoken to a lot of people who told me going in to prepare to pay. We are appealing it, but I still can't believe our court system would be set up this way!.

Luckily for DaughterofRuth, she seems to have a more amicable separation and I pray for her sake that it does not get ugly. She wasn't abused by her husband and he does seem to care about herself and dd. So that is good for her.

[lisabeth]

Thanks so much for your support and good wishes. Our separation is amicable and I don't anticipate a rough divorce, although any ending is stressful and emotional. And I'm already 40yo so the thought of waiting another 7 years until DD is in college herself is rather daunting.

Divorce sucks. Even when you remain friends. My second ex even told me he was very proud of me that I got into nursing school. We talk from time to time, but yes, even though things have been descent, it hurt very bad at first.

Maybe your husband will be more supportive and help you out with your daughter, or maybe a friend could watch her while you are in classes.

I wish you the best. I will be hoping you can continue some way to take those classes.

Who knows what the future holds. Time does make things easier, so try to think positive whenever you can. I know at this moment, there isnt much to be positive about.

[HikingNinja, BSN, MSN, DNP, RN, APRN, NP]

I had to pay my ex husband alimony (luckily for only six months) because the judge thought it was unfair of me to take away my salary ( I was the primary breadwinner) and subject him to "a lifestyle to which he was not accustomed". Yep. He was also horrible with bills and I got saddled with all of those too. I felt penalized for being a success. Luckily he was not abusive. Just really irresponsible. No children thank goodness. My second husband rocks! If your ex is willing to watch your daughter that's a relief. Could you also arrange play dates with her friends, and then offer those parents a Sat night date night where you will watch their kids for them?

Dee