"Its dead, Jim"

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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I'm not sure how to move forward from here. DH and I are separating. He's found an apartment and is moving on May 1st. I've long been the primary breadwinner in our marriage so on his salary he will just be able to afford the apartment, utilities, his car payment and insurance.

This leaves me in a bind with my studies. I've now got 11yo DD to co-parent with no hope of child support. I'll have her every other weekend so Saturday classes are out, and I work full-time with a long commute so evening classes are out. While a lot of nursing pre-reqs can be done online, the sciences cannot. That's not even considering once I get into a program and can't work full-time.

Yes I'm sure I could do loans but that's a LOT of money for an ADN program.

I've already withdrawn from classes this semester (AP1 and SOC) because the stress was just too much. I just don't know if I'll be going back :innerconf

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{{HUGS}}

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope it works out for you though.

Take care of yourself, school will always be there when you are ready to go back.

Jennifer

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It sounds like you're going thru a really rough time. I know exactly how you feel. I just went thru a really ugly divorce 4 years ago . I'm remarried now but still have problems with it, sometimes I get upset and depressed even though it was my decision and I do love my new husband very much. Your daughter is 11? THats the same age my daughter was when I divorced. Mabye you can take the next year off from the stress of school until you have time to adjust? You will be surprised how fast time goes by and when your daughter is a year or two older she will be more independant and you wont feel so bad about spending time on school. My daughter is 16 now and I am like 'what the heck, it seems like just yesterday she was a baby. I'm 36 and still need to do pre-req's for an lpn program.

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Thanks so much for your support and good wishes. Our separation is amicable and I don't anticipate a rough divorce, although any ending is stressful and emotional. And I'm already 40yo so the thought of waiting another 7 years until DD is in college herself is rather daunting.

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(((Hugs)))

Do you have any other support system? Parents? Family? Friends? That can help you make it... yes you can also take loans... but once you're an ADN you can make the money back and make monthly payments... it is better than not having the job... Wish you good luck

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Specializes in Case Management.

DaughterofRUth,

Don't be surprised if he takes you to court for child support and spousal support. It sounds like dd lives with your husband, so that may be the case. Do not underestimate what he will do because he could surprise you.

When I separated from my husband, it was pretty amicable, considering he was abusive to myself and my son. Over Dhristmas last year he assaulted my son. I obtained a PFA and physical custody. I am so glad I did that. But he took me to court for spousal support even though he was abusive to us and I have custody. He won $290 a month, due to the large difference in our salaries. He only is able to pay his bills. But since I make much more money, even though my bills are substantially more than his, I still have to pay him! Even though I live paycheck to paycheck and have no money left, even though I now pay $500 a month for daycare for my son, and have attorney fees, I now have to come up with $290 a month for this lousy excuse for a man, who will undoubtably use the extra money for drugs and lottery tickets!

Sorry to come down on you, and I hope he does not do it, but even the most amicable of separations can turn into ugly divorces. Perhaps you could work out a more 50-50 custody agreement now that you dropped the classes, so that at least he can't take you for child support. there are daycare places that offer before and after school placement where children can do their homework and have a healthy snack as well after school. Just a thought.

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(((Hugs)))

Do you have any other support system? Parents? Family? Friends? That can help you make it... yes you can also take loans... but once you're an ADN you can make the money back and make monthly payments... it is better than not having the job... Wish you good luck

DH's family is about 40 miles away but as they also work full-time they can't be of help in taking care of DD. Also since I'm already gone 12 hours a day with my full-time job, I'm hesitant about being gone much more with classes. It was okay when DH was there, but especially now that we're separating I think DD needs more one-on-one focus from me.

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gr8rnpjt -

I'm so sorry about your troubles with your ex! Believe me, I'm hearing quite a few of these grim stories these days :( Actually DD will continue to live with me in our home so him suing me for child support won't be an issue. I mentioned it in my original post to point out that know not to expect to receive child support from him.

He can afford his rent, utilities, car and insurance with a bit left over. I'm paying the other debts incurred during our marriage (credit card debt and other loans) most of which are in his name and will continue to pay our shared mortgage. I believe that would balance out any potential demand for spousal support.

He truly is a good man. There was no abuse or infidelity in the marriage, we've just grown apart and want out before the friendship that is left turns into something ugly. That's best for all involved.

Thank you for your advice though! I'm certainly listening but also hoping it doesn't come to that.

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Why don't you try to work out something with your spouse to where you will take her during the week some in order to allow you to attend Saturday classes.

It is temporary, and it could benefit you and your child.

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Do you two still live in the same town? My sister-in-law is divorced, for similar reasons as you stated, and she has to travel a lot for work. I think that although they have a "set" custody arrangement, they do frequent swapping especially if she has to leave for a week/weekend. Possibly if you two remain on civil terms you could do something more casual like that? He could take extra weekends when you have exams coming up or a Saturday clinical? I can't help you around finding a program that will fit with your schedule though. You will probably have to go to part-time at work and take out loans for a couple of years. Do you already have a degree? Could you go the accelerated route? That could decrease the amount of time you spend in school, although it will cost more than a CC. If not, find the cheapest CC that you can and save anything possible until you can start in a program. Then you'll probably just have to take out loans if you really want to do it, unless downsizing your home is a possibility. Good luck with whatever you decide...

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Specializes in Neuro.

I don't know about your college, but I took all of my sciences online. I just had to go on campus for labs or to take tests, but that was all. Maybe a couple of hours a week could be possible for you to do. I have taken as many of my classes online as I could, because I have 4 children at home, and even though I am married, DH is also in school in the evenings after work. If it is meant to be, you will do it. There are more ways than 1 to get what you need to take! Good luck with all~

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I talked with DH last night and - shockingly - he said he'd be glad to take care of DD while I'm in Saturday classes. He said he didn't want our separating to be a reason for me not to continue in school.

I'm totally floored.

He's never been unsupportive about school, exactly, but rather supportive only when it didn't inconvenience him to be so, you know? I know things have been better between us since the decision to separate, but who knew it would get this good?

Now I just have to figure out how to pay for it.

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