"If they really cared about their mom, they wouldn't of put her in a nursing home"

Specialties Geriatric

Published

Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."

Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".

What are your ideas about these opinions?

Specializes in OB.

My grandmother was in her late 80's when she suffered a series of strokes. After the first I moved in with her to care for her. She was a large woman, about 5'10" and about 240. As she became more debilitated it became more and more difficult for one person to tend to her needs, moving, etc.

One of the last loving things she did for our family was to tell us, after her mind cleared from a t.i.a. "I believe it's time for us to start looking for a nursing home for me". About a week later she had a second major stroke and became completely hemiplegic and no longer oriented.

Her acknowlegement of the situation made a very difficult situation less guilt inducing.

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It is not fair to say that all elderly should or should not be placed in a nursing home,it depends on the situation. Though I due believe that the home is the best place to be,it may not be the best or safest place for a patient to be. People are living longer these days and it is not unheard of for a 60 y/o child to be caring for their 80 y/o parent. also with the economic situation today must people are working and can't be there to care for the parent. this is a private decision to be made by the family and as a nurse I feel it is part of our job to assist as needed when asked.

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This thread has captured my interest.

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"Do not EVER judge others' decisions."

The best quote I saw. I don't think anyone should be judged for their decisions or attacked for their opinions.

Much of this is also a cultural area; many, many cultures will not place their parents in a nursing home (I'm inlcuded).

I do not have anything against respectable nursing homes; I worked in a great one and enjoyed working there. Its just not something I would do but I personally do not have any first hand nursing home horror stories. As with anything, there are good and bad ones out there, I've never encountered a bad one.

My parents were dirt poor and found a way to take care of my siblings and myself and I feel that I could find a way to do the same for them. Its a family decision and people shouldn't be judged for a family decision.

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Specializes in Hospital, med-surg, hospice.

Most people have to work for a living, raise children and cannot be available 24/7 to take care of Mom or Dad, thats the first thing, next, not everyone can be a caregiver, thats how so many home care patients end up in the hospital with a bed sore, dehydrated, underweight, and contracted! I'm not saying all but I have seen enough, especially near the holidays, our busy season is coming:mad:

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

We only see a few days/weeks of family relationships that can span 50, 60, 70 yrs. We don't see what went on in ANY family during those 50 - 70 yrs.

Because we don't know what kind of relationship parent and child have, we cannot make judgements about decisions made as a result of that history.

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.
Most people have to work for a living, raise children and cannot be available 24/7 to take care of Mom or Dad, thats the first thing, next, not everyone can be a caregiver, thats how so many home care patients end up in the hospital with a bed sore, dehydrated, underweight, and contracted! I'm not saying all but I have seen enough, especially near the holidays, our busy season is coming:mad:

I thought our hospital was the only one who admitted pts so the care giving family could go on vacation.

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I agree. if you ever loved your mom or dad you won't let others took care of them. Other caregiver (I'm not saying all) don't care on what your moms feeling right now or let's say they having some pain or something that makes them uncomfortable. But the caregiver just ignored it. why? because they had a lot of patient to take care if and yet it is not their mom or dad they taking of so they don't even care about them. They just care about the money they care on that facility. So if you do really love your parents you won't send them to nursing homes. You must care for them as they cared for you like you were in your developmental stage.. :redbeathe

:hdvwl: :dzed: :anbd: :smackingf :nuke: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :barf02: :sstrs:

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I took care of my dear Mother with alzheimer's for 8 years at home. No, it wasn't easy. However, I made the right decision keeping my Mom at home. My mother did not spend one day in a nursing home. Thank God. I think it depends on what kind of mother or father you had. I had the world's greatest Mother.:yeah:

Some parents were not good parents and deserve to be dumped into a nursing home. But we are all different.

Some people can handle the stress of caring for a loved one at home. Some people cannot handle the stress.

What about the huge list of other things that people have that just aren't reasonable to keep at home? It has nothing to do with what kind of parent you had....... Really? :uhoh3:

It's not about being being "dumped"....or being super-kid and keeping a parent at home. That's great it worked for you :) Don't judge others, eh? :)

Sometimes the nursing homes are the safest option.

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Specializes in Operating Room Nurse.
Really? The elderly are NOT in a developmental stage. They won't grow a little smarter/a little stronger everyday. More than likely they will decline a little more each day.

It is very easy to pass judgement on what others should/should not do until YOU have to provide that care.

I have admitted many residents and hear the guilt in the family stories.

The Dad that was driving down the highway at 2am lost - did I mention he was in the wrong lane of the divided highway!

The Mom that nearly burned the house down at least once a week because she thought it was time to cook dinner for her husband in the middle of the night. (Husband dead for years)

The Dad that nearly killed the Mom when he threw her down the steps because he didn't recognize her and thought she was an intruder.

I could go on for pages, but you get the point. There is a huge difference between caring for a 40 pound agile toddler and caring for a 200lb+ adult with incontinence, contractures, memory and behavior problems (because they will all out slug you with the strength of a full grown man), etc.

Care for them LIKE they have cared for you when YOU were in your developmental stage :lol2:

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Specializes in geriatrics.

I love my residents like they're my own family. I respect the fact that if it weren't for the elderly, I wouldn't be here. They receive lots of hugs from us, too. So I guess it depends where you work, and how you view aging.

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Care for them LIKE they have cared for you when YOU were in your developmental stage :lol2:

This is NOT funny. There is no laughing with this.

It's extremely personal for every person who has to make this decision. I worked in an admissions office of a really nice LTC- and families would blame one sibling for placing the parent, but were nowhere to be found to share the care. You are showing a great deal of unawareness about this....

NOBODY wants to put someone in a nursing home. It's a matter of safety and necessity.

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